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Posts tagged as “Awesome”

The Black Laser enters MEAT SPACE.

Dearest Deegan,

Thank you for the incredible birthday gift. I know that I actually received this a while ago, but I felt like today was a good day to post it. There’s only one, and I’ve got it. Fuck yes.

The Front.

The Back.

To be perfectly honest, it took me a while to start wearing it out mostly because it feels like being in a band wearing its own t-shirt—a serious no-no in the metal community as we both know. But then I started to think of it as determined self-promotion and thought, “You know what? Fuck anyone who’d bust my balls for wearing this awesome shirt of my own equally awesome website.” And there you have it. Interestingly enough, a post yesterday on Invisible Oranges called “The rules of metal t-shirt wearing” confirmed some of the things I’ve already been feeling.

But you still won’t ever catch me wearing the band’s shirt to the show.

Anyway! Thanks for the shirt, dude. It slays.

Sincerely,

The Black Laser.

The Thing from The Thing’s perspective

Is John Carpenter’s The Thing the best horror film ever made? Well, don’t let me ruin the rest of your life for you, but the answer is, “Yes.”

Is it, then, any surprise that the best horror film ever has inspired the best piece of fan-fiction ever? One with perhaps the greatest ending line I’ve read in ages? No, no it is not.

If you’ve never seen The Thing, go. Do so. I’ll wait.

Ok. Wasn’t that good? I know. So awesome.

Now, read “The Things” by Peter Watts. It’s long, but worth it.

Go. I’ll wait.

Thoughts on the Hunter alumni reading last night

Last night, Juli and I attended the Hunter Alumni reading night at the KGB Bar in the East Village after enjoying a meal of lentil soup and potato pancakes at B&H Dairy on 2nd Avenue. I have one word to describe the event—Wow. Now, that sounds fucking cheesy as shit, and it is, but let me explain.

But first, here’s the brief.

Please join us for the Fall 2009 reading featuring, Vanessa Manko (Fiction, 2008), Maya Funaro (Poetry, 2008) and Jason Porter (Fiction, 2008).

Vanessa Manko earned her MFA in Fiction from Hunter College (2008). After training in ballet at the North Carolina School of the Arts and dancing professionally with the Charleston Ballet Theater, Vanessa returned to school to earn a B.A. in English from the University of Connecticut. She went on to receive her M.A. in dance studies and cultural history from NYU’s Gallatin School. In addition to writing fiction, Vanessa writes about dance. She is the former Dance Editor of The Brooklyn Rail, and has written articles and reviews for Dance Magazine, NYFA’s Current, Dance Teacher, and Dance Research Journal. Vanessa is currently completing her first novel. She lives in Brooklyn Heights.

Maya Funaro’s chapbook Setting in Motion was released in 2009 by Fox Point Press. She completed her MFA in poetry at Hunter College in May of 2008. Her poetry has appeared in Ekleksographia, and Ology, the Graduate English journal of Hunter College. She holds a B.A. in Visual Art from Brown University and has studied printmaking, bookbinding and letterpress printing in Providence, Bologna and New York. Born and raised in South Jersey, she currently makes her home in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

After a brief career as an online news editor and a less brief non-career as a rock musician, Jason Porter completed an MFA in Fiction at Hunter College in 2008. He has since written a short novel titled Why Are You So Sad? and is hard at work on a new novel about a fallen celebrity boxer. Despite a perfectly happy childhood in southeastern Michigan, he is even happier to now call Brooklyn his home, where he is gradually aging along with his girlfriend and their two nearly perfect terrier mutts.

The KGB Bar, as awesome and Communisty and red as it is, is a tiny little upstairs affair you’d never know was there save for the sign on the street. The windows are curtained and you have to walk into what was clearly once a tenement building that has been converted into a bar/theatre/performance space. The KGB Bar occupies the second floor with the other things on other floors. Tidy! When we got there at about 7:40 for an 8 o’clock start time, only a couple of tables were filled. Mind you that there are probably only 8 tables in the whole place. Nevertheless, it was still relatively empty. By the time the first reader went on, it was packed. Passage to the bathroom was impossible.

The turn out was incredible. I recognized a number of current and former Hunter MFA students from the two open houses I’ve attended. It’s demonstrative of the strength of their community that they could fill this place up on a cold Tuesday night. It is certainly a good sign to me that Hunter is the right place for me. A program that inspires that sort of loyalty is attractive. I would like to be part of it. Now, I just have to convince them that I am right for them.

Happy 1st Birthday, The Black Laser!!

Today is The Black Laser’s first birthday. Yay! I made my very first post here on November 11, 2008, and you can see it here: The inaugural posting at The Black Laser.com/.net. A year in internet time is basically, what?, a decade in regular old meatspace time? That’s pretty awesome. Here’s a look at the current stats.

Screen shot 2009-11-11 at 3.43.59 PM

311 posts works out to 85% of a post every day. Not bad for being written by one solitary Space Pope from Beyond the Stars. I wonder how many of those are just music videos? I could probably figure it out, but I’m not going to. Too depressing, I think. 285 comments is not so great. It works out to comments on 91.6% posts if averaged, or 78% of a comment per day. Mind that this number also includes my comments in response to your comments. I encourage you to leave a comment for me if you liked what I wrote or have thoughts or whatever. I see all of them and it’s good to know people are reading. This number does not include the comments left by people on Facebook, which is too bad since I think the number would be significantly higher. I wish I knew of a way to migrate the comments from Facebook to these pages, but I don’t think it’s possible. Too bad. Our superstar poster is Don Diggler. Good work, Deegs!

And 5,640 spam comments?! Holy crap!

Screen shot 2009-11-11 at 3.47.21 PM

This handy little graph (which you can see full size if you click on it) shows the number of hits received by The Black Laser of the last 12 months. April of this year was a high point in the readership of The Black Laser, with 1,060 views.

Screen shot 2009-11-11 at 3.58.47 PM

In case the little line wasn’t telling enough for you, here’s a table of the data for hits on The Black Laser since 11/11/2008. I don’t know if this will be interesting to anyone but me, but it’s interesting to me and this is my fucking site, so deal.

According to Google, I get 32.52% of my traffic directly, 37.79% from referring sites, and 29.41% from search engines. That is remarkably even, I think. I don’t know, or care, what it signifies, but the numbers are fun!

I’ve had visitors from 84 different countries, including Slovenia, Thailand, Israel, and Poland. Most hits come, unsurprisingly, from the United States, followed by the United Kingdom and Canada. To all my international readers—thanks!

Screen shot 2009-11-11 at 4.15.25 PM

Internet Explorer 6, people? Seriously, GET WITH THE NOW. You’re not seeing The Black Laser as it’s intended if you’re using IE6. Upgrade to Firefox. It’s free and lightyears better. And you 1059 hits using IE5? May God have mercy on your iSouls.

But more important that all of this, November 11, 2008 was also the day my darling little niece, Sienna, was born. Happy birthday, Sienna Jo! We’re both 1 today! YAY!!!!!!!

Does anyone out there love me?

Because I’m pretty sure I need this. I don’t know what I would use it for, but I kind of want it. If it were black and pink, it could be The Black Laser mascot. OOOOhhhhh, idea!

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When hunting unicorns, it’s important to kill them in a such a manner as not to break or injure their horns. It makes a much nicer trophy with the horn intact. My real issue with it here is that I wish the taxidermist had posed the unicorn in a pose befitting its natural ferocity. They are mean, mean animals who seek out the blood of infants to power the vile engines churning inside their seemingly kind chests. The more unicorns killed, the better, really.

Just look at its lifeless, cold, black eyes.

Unicorn Taxidermy @ Etsy

Hecq vs Exillion’s “Spheres of Fury”

See this? This is exactly the style of thing I envisioned while discussing building a body of work. This video is super awesome. Let’s look at what you’d need to spend money on to recreate this.

  • Squirt guns
  • Smoke bomb
  • Lunch
  • Driving all these people out to a field

I was going to put “Costumes” on the list, but I know plenty of people who own clothes like this in real life, so there’d be no reason to dress them at all. Everything else is know-how. Of course, you could spend a fortune on something like this, but there’s no need to.

I’m willing to bet that it was shot on the 5DII or RedCam, more likely Red since the slow motion stuff is so silky smooth and there’s no rolling shutter on the flag. The super shallow depth of field is awesome. The grade is awesome. The cut is awesome. The concept is awesome. All in all, it’s fucking awesome. Totally inspiring.

I have arrived.

If you had to think about it, and I mean, really, what is the most important qualification for a blog to be considered worthwhile? That it gets spam? No. Your grandma gets spam. It’s that you have a troll. Well guess what?! The Black Laser has had it’s first troll!

Apparently, a young person didn’t like what I had to say about Hyper Crush the other day. Here, let me quote it for you.

oneup fuckyou@gmail.com
Submitted on 2009/10/07 at 7:25pm

hyper crush is the truth! i was listening to what you had to say until you put up uffie and whatever else trainwreck wanna be atari teenage riot bullshit.

uffie is the worst lyracist[sic] ever. literally.

but i guess thats why no one reads this blog and i guess thats why i wont either!

The editorial [sic] is mine. Also, please note the inappropriate use of “literally”.

Here’s what I wrote back.

The Wizard
Submitted on 2009/10/07 at 7:27pm

Haha! Thanks for visiting! How’s Irvine this time of year, fuckyou@gmail.com? I’m surprised they let you register that e-mail address! I guess you showed them!

Wasn’t that fun? And really, isn’t even discussing this whole thing just SO postmodern?

One extra, just because he was such a fan of Agoraphobic Nosebleed, here’s some more!