¡Watch the whole thing! The real magic is at the very end…
Can humans eat things like this and not just keel over dead? Is Paula Dean secretly a machine from the far reaches of outer space whose nuclear reactor core runs on sugars and fats? Is she plotting to conquer the Earth and enslave us all to work her butter mines on distant planets? Am I becoming increasingly neurotic since the revelation of this whole doppelgänger thing?!
In a previous post I mentioned the Earache My Eye tape. This video by Cathedral was one of the videos on that tape and always seemed totally incongruous because it’s not very heavy and it has a very showy style that didn’t fit in with the videos by other bands like Godflesh and At The Gates. I remember it always being the video I would fast forward through on the way to Carcass or whatever was next.
My friend Deegan just posted it in a comment and, looking back on this, it’s actually a pretty fucking sweet ass video. It’s got intense ass Barbarian metal babes, the Devil doing some crazy shit, Vincent Price, and who knows what the fuck else.
All in all, pretty bad ass. Check it.
See? I officially give it The Seal of Approval.
This is just a quickie post to update any of my non-New York and non-attending New York readers of how amazing the Metric System debut party was. Many of you who know me know that I am a jaded, cynical son of a bitch and it takes a LOT to impress me. Well, I was totally impressed by the huge turn out on Friday and the sheer awesomeness of the party. For those of you who were unable to attend, do make sure you come by for the next event.
Kudos to you Metric System folks who went well beyond what was called for and really made this party happen. Good work.
Expect photos in the next few days. I took nearly 500 of them between 6 and 10:30, which is about on par for me. I think the yield of good photos will be high, maybe 3:1 to 4:1 photos to usable photos. I expect maybe 15-20 really great ones. And, any doubts I might have had about the investment in the 5d Mk II were put out of their misery and buried under a mountain of stone where only the Balrog dwells.
I wonder how Jesse Allen felt yesterday morning? Haha. Silly Jesse and his dwindling back-pocket bottle of Jack Daniels.
Everyone, Metric System party is tonight from 8-10pm. If you live in New York and are not infirm, I expect to see you there. Here’s the invite with the location.
If you want to be slick and come by for the VIP hour, the party starts at 7, with a silent auction, exclusive performance, and a bunch of other really great stuff for a suggested donation of only 20 US dollars.
Come by! Support the arts!
Scientists extract images directly from brain
Researchers from Japan’s ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories have developed new brain analysis technology that can reconstruct the images inside a person’s mind and display them on a computer monitor, it was announced on December 11. According to the researchers, further development of the technology may soon make it possible to view other people’s dreams while they sleep.
The scientists were able to reconstruct various images viewed by a person by analyzing changes in their cerebral blood flow. Using a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, the researchers first mapped the blood flow changes that occurred in the cerebral visual cortex as subjects viewed various images held in front of their eyes. Subjects were shown 400 random 10 x 10 pixel black-and-white images for a period of 12 seconds each. While the fMRI machine monitored the changes in brain activity, a computer crunched the data and learned to associate the various changes in brain activity with the different image designs.
Then, when the test subjects were shown a completely new set of images, such as the letters N-E-U-R-O-N, the system was able to reconstruct and display what the test subjects were viewing based solely on their brain activity.
Seriously? That SHIT IS AWESOME. Computers used to read the visual data people’s eyes send to their brains? WHAT THE FUCK?!? Who told Japan that they could live inside a SF book? Do I actually need to say anything else? The answer is No.
I have no doubt that many of you are familiar with the Metal Horns, the typical hand sign associated with heavy metal appreciation. I have no problem with the horns on principle. They serve to show how fucking into the music you are. When the metal gets so fucking intense that you just can’t take it anymore, the extended index and pinky fingers are excellent heatsinks for all the metal intensity built up in your frail, human form. God knows that I threw the horns more times than you could believe when I was a teenager. I love the horns. The horns are awesome.
Here are a couple of examples of the horns being used appropriately.
Nevertheless, the horns are subject to rampant abuse. Watch the MTV music awards sometime and notice how many kids in the front throw the horns for all sorts of random bullshit, none of which falls under the “metal” header. You’ll see pop stars and country music stars and assholes on American Idol throwing the horns. What the fuck? Don’t you fucking dipshits get it? The horns are not for you and your bullshit music; the horns are an expression of metal. Yet sometimes the horns aren’t sufficient. And the horns are expected, practiced. The horns, for as great as they are, leave something to be desired these days.
For this reason, I am a supporter of the Metal Claw. When the horns just can’t do it, then you must make the claw. Where the horns send metal from only two fingers, the claw sends metal from all five. That’s 150% MORE METAL.
Typically associated with Satan, though not actually so, the horns can be divisive. The claw on the other hand promotes unity across all metal genres. Here is an example of my favorite Christian as Fuck death metal band of the moment making HEAVY use of the claw. I mean, seriously, check out his Jesus t-shirt.
In contrast, we have Nergal of Behemoth, a profound believer in Darkness, making the Claw while recording.
See the difference here? In the first photo he is on stage, performing, throwing the horns to a photographer. In the second he is focusing on the task at hand in the studio, feeling the slaughter erupt in his veins. Thus the Claw is made.
You might say, “But Joe, this claw you speak of is a new phenomenon. Was not the almighty Dio throwing the horns in the early 80s?” This is a good point, but I have evidence to the contrary. Here is 1995’s “Slaughter of the Soul” by At The Gates.
Too new for you? How about some proto-Claw throwing by Bruce Dickinson? Check it at about 1:30 into the video.
And so, it is with this incredibly persuasive argument in mind that I am pleased to unveil The Official The Black Laser Seal of Approval. Check it out:
How sweet is that shit? My Photoshop skills are legendary.
In conclusion, let us agree that while the horns have their rightful place in the Metal culture, the Claw is a true and brutal expression of what metal is and should be to the true aficionado. If I ever see the Claw thrown on American Idol—I don’t watch the show, so I guess I never will, however—then we’ll have to reevaluate its stance in my heart. But really, I think it’s as likely as hearing blast beats and harmonized growls in pop music, so I feel secure in the Metal Claw’s status as niche expression of intense metal power.
After some strange misinformation from a UPS robot and an inquiry on my part to a UPS human being, my long-awaited package has arrived. Yay!
Here are a couple of photos of the box taken with my unbelievably shitty phone’s camera. Ironic!
I actually have my old camera here at work with me because I need to take photos of the insides of some arcanely constructed wooden boxes filled with wires of cyclopean dimensions. But, you know what? Fuck taking pictures with the old camera! I’m using my new one.
I guess I could have taken photos of the new body with the old one, but that would not have been nearly as funny taking photos of my new hot-shit camera with my miserable camera phone.
Look for photos in the next few days!
Now, where’s my Lightroom update?
Minority Report, the Tom Cruise/Steven Spielbergo film based on a PKD story of the same name, was a pretty solid SF action film. It is by no means perfect, but it does have a whole lot of awesome about it. There are some solid chase scenes, massive action, a good twist (but not good enough not to be predictable), and an unsurprisingly rad cameo by Peter Stormare.
It also features one of the coolest near-future SF computer interfaces I’ve ever seen. It’s right up there with the thing Deckard uses in Blade Runner to search through the picture. Well, apparently, some group of genius geeks (I love you) have built a real working version. All it needs is the holographic display and we’ll be in business. I’ll take two.
Check out the video.
g-speak overview 1828121108 from john underkoffler on Vimeo.
How rad is that shit?