Press "Enter" to skip to content

The Black Laser

I have arrived.

If you had to think about it, and I mean, really, what is the most important qualification for a blog to be considered worthwhile? That it gets spam? No. Your grandma gets spam. It’s that you have a troll. Well guess what?! The Black Laser has had it’s first troll!

Apparently, a young person didn’t like what I had to say about Hyper Crush the other day. Here, let me quote it for you.

oneup fuckyou@gmail.com
Submitted on 2009/10/07 at 7:25pm

hyper crush is the truth! i was listening to what you had to say until you put up uffie and whatever else trainwreck wanna be atari teenage riot bullshit.

uffie is the worst lyracist[sic] ever. literally.

but i guess thats why no one reads this blog and i guess thats why i wont either!

The editorial [sic] is mine. Also, please note the inappropriate use of “literally”.

Here’s what I wrote back.

The Wizard
Submitted on 2009/10/07 at 7:27pm

Haha! Thanks for visiting! How’s Irvine this time of year, fuckyou@gmail.com? I’m surprised they let you register that e-mail address! I guess you showed them!

Wasn’t that fun? And really, isn’t even discussing this whole thing just SO postmodern?

One extra, just because he was such a fan of Agoraphobic Nosebleed, here’s some more!

Agoraphobic Nosebleed, the heaviest band on earth with no drummer

anbwa0

And, indeed, probably one of the heaviest bands on earth including those with drummers. I’m not exaggerating. Here, have some sample tracks.

[audio:anb-living_lolita_blowjob.mp3|titles=Living Lolita Blowjob|artists=Agoraphobic Nosebleed] [audio:anb-opening_to_personals_ad.mp3|titles=Opening to Personals Ad by Richard Johnson|artists=Agoraphobic Nosebleed] [audio:anb-shotgun_funeral.mp3|titles=Shotgun Funeral|artists=Agoraphobic Nosebleed] [audio:anb-tough_guy_bullshit.mp3|titles=Tough Guy Bullshit|artists=Agoraphobic Nosebleed]

See? These guys are fucking nutso, in the most adorable, heart-warming way possible. Shit, I don’t even have anything all that clever to say. Just listen to the music. Scott Hull kicks fucking ass. Is there anything that dude makes that isn’t awesome?

The inner workings of my brain are a mysterious thing

It occurred to me last night that what I was talking about the other day was ROI—Return On Investment. Except that I’m not looking for monetary return, but a body of creative work to share and distribute. I don’t know why that term has never come up inside my head in all the years I’ve been using the same method of evaluating purchases. It’s not like I didn’t know it either.

Have a drawing of a unicorn.

unicorn2

An inspired triptych.

While in Minnesota, I was looking out at the hazy expanse of seemingly endless water on Lake Superior and I was reminded of Sugimoto Hiroshi’s Seascapes. Standing on the edge of the inland sea there I thought I should probably see if I can create something like I remembered them to be. I ended up taking three photos, all of Lake Superior, at different places and times of day. I am going to get them printed and put them on my wall which I think will be nice, but I am having a hard time deciding which ones I like more, color or black and white.

Here are the color ones.

Here are the black and white ones.

They will hang in this order, left to right, on the wall as 12″ square prints. I highly recommend clicking on the photos for a closer look or even going to Flickr to look at the 2K sized ones.

My only hesitation is that the last time I printed black and white photos for the wall, I ended up hating them. But that might be because that was a whole lot less thought out than this. Anyway, I’d love your comments.

The North Country, Minnesota – 9/12/2009

I few weeks ago I went up to Minnesota with my friend Mikey W for a week in the woods of uninterrupted, extreme relaxing. The goal was to get some work done, which happened to a lesser extent than desired, but we also trekked through the Minnesota State Fair, accomplished a whole lot of drinking beer, made some fires much too large for the tiny little fire pit we had, fished for tiny little guys not worth eating, and rocked the hell out of the Indian Casino in Walker, MN. Not bad at all. And, of course, I made a bunch of photos. I have some thoughts on the development of these afterward.

Here are a handful of my very favorites.

Check out the whole gallery here:

The North Country, Minnesota Gallery – 9/12/2009

On this set of photos I really spent a lot time making local adjustments within Lightroom. The light during the week was very difficult with lots of hard shadows, reflections, areas of wide dynamic range. It made getting good exposures right off the cuff fairly difficult. Add severe haze to the mix for the few days we were at Lake Superior just north of Duluth and you’ll understand the conditions. While shooting I aimed to get a balanced exposure, not too hot in the highlights, not to dark in the shadow, so that I could extract as much detail as possible back at the computer. I think I did a pretty good job on these, especially at making my local adjustments fairly seamless. What do you think? Is there anything glaring here that you notice? Do you notice at all? Thoughts?

Amortizing Creative Expenditures

I’ve long contended that for each dollar I spend on a particular piece of photographic equipment I must take at least one photograph with it. So, if I spend 1800 dollars on a Canon 70-200 f/2.8L IS zoom lens, then I’d better well take 1800 photos with it. (note: I have. More than that, in fact.) It’s simple math, easily managed, and, most of all, it makes sense. I’ve written about it on here somewhere else before, I think, but I can’t find the post so you’ll have to just trust me. It has worked quite well for me as a guideline while informing new purchases and once I’ve purchased an item. Am I going to use x piece of equipment to take y number of photos or is it something I can live without? Now that I’ve purchased item z, I’d better throw it in my bag because there’s no way I’ve taken n photos with it yet. It has protected me from frivolous purchases in the past and made me think about using the tools I already have. It’s a good system. I recommend it to any photographers out there.

But photography is not my only artistic endeavor. I am also a writer (as you well know), a professional in the moving image field, and I dabble in songcraft. It occurred to me while I was walking to the Apple Store to purchase a laptop backpack—the current messenger style bag I use hurts my fucking back—that I don’t have a useful metric for justifying those purchases. No, “justify” is the wrong word. It makes it sound like I’m making an excuse for the purchase; I’m not. I don’t have a useful metric to ensure that I get my money’s worth out of an item. What sort of production quotas make sense to meet to make the expenditure, and thereby the time I’ve spent working to make that money, a fair trade? With the photography, it’s easy. I’m constantly producing. Look at my hard drives. They’ll tell you all about it. But that’s not necessarily true of video editing or music creation software. They are tools I use to create things but are not inherently productive in and of themselves. Music production software (Logic) can be used to make something from scratch. Editorial or VFX software is even more difficult because they are often just PARTS of the chain of production. Making beautiful photographs and making beautiful films are both difficult things, but photography is a much more solitary craft than filmmaking. A craftsman can make beautiful photographs all by himself, but good luck making a beautiful film all by yourself. It’s all but totally impossible.

But difficulty has nothing to do with it. The difficulty is just a challenge to the creator, a hurdle, a bump in the road.

Therefore, I propose this system to make my purchases of music and video tools feel reasonable. Consider it a challenge to myself to make the time I spend working, earning money to spend on tools, fruitful. To make the late nights and weekends at the office work toward making me a self-sufficient creator of things so that I can get myself to a point where all this dicking around IS THE JOB. Imagine that.

Guidelines for expenditures on video tools
For each hundred dollars spent on video tools, I must create at least one minute of finished footage. Dailies do not count. That’s absurd. Finished means that I’ve put time and thought into it. A finished piece is something I would not be embarrassed to show someone. I do not have to provide qualifications for rough bits in finished footage. 1 minute of footage per 100 dollars spent.

Guidelines for expenditures on audio tools
For each hundred dollars spent on audio tools, I must create at least one song or three minutes of mixed audio. Audio demands a higher creative price since I can sit and create without outside help. Audio also has two possible avenues for amortization since using audio software to mix for video is a perfectly valid use. A song is defined similarly to a piece of finished footage, that is, I’ve put thought and effort into it. I would not hesitate to post it here on The Black Laser. I do not need to qualify it in any way.

I think these are pretty useful guidelines, and will definitely help me focus my energies into short term, highly feasible goals. I’ve already mentioned plans to put together music videos, and many people know about the mystery that is Fantasies About Time Travel. I’ve also been thinking about dropping some choice Ghettotech beats under a pseudonym, like DJ Muad’Dib, MC Kwisatz Haderach, or Duncan Idaho. Bonus points for pinpointing how badly I just dorked out there.

New The Sword Album! New The Sword Album!

So, I’m just sitting here at work on a Sunday night and it occurs to me that, by gum, I would really like to get a new record from The Sword. Really, it’s about damned time. Seriously. Anyway, a quick check of their Myspace page reveals that not only are they currently writing the new record, but IT’S GOING TO BE A CONCEPT ALBUM CENTERED AROUND A SCIENCE FICTION NARRATIVE.

Holy fucking fuck. It’s like that news was made specifically for me.

Here’s the video that sold me on The Sword in the first place.