Because I haven’t posted enough Tech Death this week. That is all.
The Black Laser
Holy shit, I love Covenant. Their music is such a guilty pleasure for me, but one that I don’t really feel all that guilty about. They are, to me, exactly what moody industrial dance music should be. Catchy hooks, emo ass singing, fat as fuck beats, nerdy computer stuff, science fiction references, Swedish. Fuck man, these guys are perfect.
As such, it astounds me that they have so few music videos. I can only find two music videos that seem legit, this one for “Call The Ships To Port” from 2002’s Northern Light and another for “Bullet” from the same record. That means they haven’t made a single music video for 9 years? Crazy! Northern Lights is their sixth studio record and they’ve released two more and a live record since then, so where are all the music videos? That’s not to mention the countless singles and remixes and all sorts of other output.
I mean, like, fuck, right? Pig Destroyer has more music videos than these guys and I am willing to bet that, worldwide, Covenant outsells Pig Destroyer. Not that I don’t love Pig Destroyer, but if we have to judge the relative accessibility of the two bands, Covenant stands heads and tails above Pig Destroyer as the more accessible band. No question.
Enjoy this and go check out the band. If you’re on Spotify, you can listen to basically everything they’ve ever done on there. The newest record, Modern Ruin is so good. And listen to “Dead Stars (Version)”. Oh god, and “Wind of the North”. And “Edge of Dawn”. And “Ritual Noise”. So many good songs. And when you come back here and you totally hate them, just remember that it’s your fault, not mine.
So, uh, yeah. This is a thing. Christ, I don’t even know what to say about it. There sure is a lot of stuff going on.
Japan is really weird. I kind of love it. My only real complaint about this video is that the edit could have been tighter. There’s so much musical motivation for cuts, but they’re never quite on. Always a little late or a little early. Too bad. What is now a very good extremely weird thing could have been a great extremely weird thing.
Prepare to have this song stuck in your head for the rest of the week.
Charles sent this to me yesterday, but I only just listened to it a moment ago. Damn is this track fucking hot. It’s awesome while Spank Rock is doing his business, but the super secret guest who drops at 1:45 is amazing. It’s all hinted at throughout the track with the slowed down triggerman beat and any regular reader of this site will recognize the voice. Of course, you could be sneaky and read the tags to see who it is, but listen to the track and tell me you don’t move a little bit.
Booty booty booty booty rockin’ e’rywhere.
A side note, it makes me laugh to post this directly after posting Agoraphobic Nosebleed.
I can’t tell if this is some elaborate joke or if these guys are serious. Just watching the video seems to point toward it being a joke. But then you go check out their Youtube channel and their website and their Twitter and it starts to get weird.
For example, take “Lemme Smang It”. This video is so patently retarded it can’t possibly be anything but parody. Everything is bad about it. So bad, in fact, that I thought it was deliberate, that they were making a joke. How could anyone look at this video and think, “Man, we are making some tremendous art here. The world will shudder when our magnum opus, ‘Lemme Smang It,’ is unleashed.” They didn’t. They couldn’t have. I just refuse to believe it.
Everything about the production screams “joke.” The zooms, the shitty composites, standard definition, the dancing, the fake beard, the titles, the faces they’re making. Christ, I’m still not convinced it’s not a joke.
And then you have “Fried or Fertilized”.
Again, same thing. So bad it MUST be a joke.
And then there’s “Happy Sexgiving” (Really.)
And “Can He Move It Like This”.
And finally, the real icing on this confusing cake, “Go Grab My Belt”.
Ok ok ok. Stop. Of course, all of this is a complete joke right? It has to be! It’s even a good joke. I am laughing! Ha! Ha! Ha….? Because then I watched this:
My faith in the sureness of the joke has been shaken. This guy is not joking. Not joking at all. He’s 100% dead serious about the music they’re making at Turquoise Jeep.
Holy living fuck.
Go over to their Youtube page and watch some more of these things and then tell me that they aren’t, in some perverse oddball way, totally serious about this stuff. Clearly, they’re having fun doing this, but they are also definitely taking it seriously. It makes me nervous.
“MAAAAAAAAAANNNN, I love those stretchy pants.”
Question:
I work for a media company. We’re quite busy lately, and I would like to send our interns, who are unpaid college students, on the occasional coffee run, but it seems wrong somehow. I know they wouldn’t be learning anything, but isn’t it better for the company to have an unpaid intern and not a paid employee do this?
If I am correct in my assumptions, you work for some miserable nameless drone factory spreading the disease of capitalism across the world. You seek to poison minds with your Christian agenda. Though I do not support your doctrine of the light, let us examine your question from an intellectual standpoint, something I am sure you know nothing about.
First, if you are going to draft students into working as slave labor for you performing menial tasks, is it really so inappropriate to send them on other less educational menial tasks? Nonsense. Banality is banality. Whether they are filing a heart-crushing stack of paperwork or fetching coffee for you and your lazy officemates, what’s the difference? Both are a supreme waste of the students’ time. What could they possibly be learning from such nonsensical tasks as you have appointed them? Don’t waste the time of people you actually pay to be there on something as foolish as coffee runs. Use the slaves.
In the darkened days of college, I spent the longest winter of my life working as the intern at a local radio station here in Trondheim. I took the job primarily to steal blank cassettes on which to release my countless, brutal black metal projects and demos. Everyone know that cassette tapes are the ideal medium for distributing black metal demos. Only sell-outs would use CDs. And digital files? Worthless.
During my internship I was sent out for coffee many times, but did I ever feel like it was a waste of time? Of course I did. It was an enormous waste of time as are all internships. Therefore your interns are wasting their time by just being there, so if you waste their time in turn by sending them for coffee nothing is lost.
You know what, maybe you should all—paid and unpaid—go on coffee runs all day. Then your pathetic propagandist media empire would crumble into dust as is the fate of all humanity. I beseech the wolves of the new moon to feast upon your bones.
Hang yourself.
Soundtrack: Darkthrone’s “Transylvanian Hunger”
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