Press "Enter" to skip to content

Posts published in “Thoughts”

Santa, “The Great Imposter”

December 27, 2008 |

Thoughts

santa_as_satanIn the wake of the Christmas holiday, I wonder how many of you fully understand the true threat of Santa Claus. Obviously, Santa, as a clear anagram of SATAN, is the Great Deceiver in disguise, leading our youth into degeneracy and sin. Santa wears red; Satan wears red. Santa goes by the moniker “Old St. Nick”; Satan goes by the moniker “Old Nick”. Santa has a beard; Satan has a beard. Truth be told, the parallels are far too many and too clear to be anything but the honest truth. Here, hard, cold logic prevails in proving that Santa Claus and Satan are THE ONE AND THE SAME—the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Flies, The Great Deceiver, Beelzebub, Lucifer.

Don’t believe me? Well, get the full low-down right here:

SANTA CLAUS: The Great Imposter

I think my favorite piece of “logic” from the page I’ve linked is this:

What about Claus?

Is “Claus” another anagram for “Lucas”?

It’s no secret Lucas and Lucis are new-age “code words” for Lucifer. The Alice Bailey founded new age, occult publishing company was originally named Lucifer Publishing Company but in 1924 the name was cleverly changed to Lucis Trust. By the way, the Lucifer worshipping Lucis Trust is a major player in the works of the United Nations, formerly located in the United Nations building but now located on prime-time 1200 Wall Street.

Claus sounds a lot like “claws.”

Maybe Santa Claus means “Satan’s Claws”? Like a lion’s “claws”?

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
1 Peter 5:8

The emphasis is mine. What sterling, marvelous reasoning is presented here! Clearly “Claus” is just a secret, “new-age” (code for lesbian witch satanists who hate America) way of conjuring the Devil’s name: Lucifer. Duh. I mean, isn’t it obvious? Anyone can see the truth in that!

Here’s another marvelous gem of deductive reasoning.

Everyone knows Santa lives at the North Pole.

Brrr. . . Why the north pole? Nobody lives at the North Pole. . . Why did they pick the NORTH Pole?

Could it possibly be because someone else lives in the north?

Then he brought me to the door of the gate of the LORD’S house which was toward the north; . . . Ezekiel 8:14

1 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.
2 Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King. Psalm 48:1-2

The Lord dwells in “the north, the city of the great King”.

By the way, remember what Lucifer said in Isaiah 14:13, when he rebelled against God? Remember where he was going to exalt his throne?

12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!
13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:
14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. Isaiah 14:12-14

Where else would Satan (oops. . . it’s just too easy to get those two mixed up) Claus be but in the NORTH?

Oh, jeez, of course! Santa live in the North Pole, and Satan, who wants to be like God, ALSO LIVES IN THE NORTH. Therefore they are the same person! Wow! I can’t believe I never recognized this before.

Well, now that all you good boys and girls are saved by hearing the Good News I have relayed to you here, remember that Christmas time is a time for remembering Christ (who was not born in December) by decorating a cold weather evergreen tree (not native to Israel), giving gifts (like the Magi, I’ll give you this), and surrounding yourself with northern European symbols of winter (zuh?) and the solstice! It is not a time to revere the heathen image of Santa (SATAN) Claws for he is naught but the Devil himself in Disguise!

Don’t forget kids, Jesus loves you and he wants you to hate those that are different, i.e., non-white, non-Protestant, both of which categories the historical Jesus falls under!

Merry Christmas!

> Continue reading...Santa, “The Great Imposter”

The Duggars & Severe Torture

December 21, 2008 |

Thoughts

Contrast is often the source of tremendous humor in my life. Juxtaposition is the root of all hilarity.

I am at work right now, assisting on two jobs (Comcast and Rosetta Stone) and doing what comes naturally while waiting to be useful—reading random crap on the internet. Today I’ve been reading the homepage of The Duggars, the family in Arkansas that has like, what?, a million kids? I thought my dad, with 11 kids, was a prolific breeder, but these folks definitely win that contest. But that is neither here nor there.

By extension, I was also reading the site of the eldest of the Duggar children, Josh, and his new marriage. Fascinating stuff.

Here, working at the office all weekend, I’ve had my metal playlist on shuffle by album. I’ve had a sampling of Neurosis, Machine Head, Napalm Death, and a bunch of other bands. All good there. It’s been intense, at a relatively low volume since two editors are working. Pig Destroyer played at a manageable volume is still enjoyable.

The Duggars are a devout Christian family with a heavy emphasis on traditional, Bible-based morality. They believe that their family is a work of God and that they exist on this planet to serve Jesus. I’m not going to argue with that. If you want to believe that, fine by me. You got to do what you got to do, you know?

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I’m reading the Duggars’s site’s section where they talking about talking to a Christian medical doctor when something in the back of my brain starts yelling at me about something, something I should be noticing. I was not fully aware of the music playing since I was intently reading the site. But the yelling in my skull got louder and louder until I took and breath and heard what was playing on the speakers behind me. What I heard was this:

[audio:st-sawn_off.mp3|artists=Severe Torture|titles=Sawn Off]

Are you fucking kidding me? That shit is awesome. I was sitting reading the most conservative text I’ve read in ages and behind me the gnarliest Gore Death Metal is playing? It was absolutely perfect. It reminds me of when I was a teenager, 14 or so, and I’d come home and put the church channel on and play Deicide through the speakers as a point of contrast. Hilarious. There’s nothing funnier than images of saints and angels while “Once Upon The Cross” plays in the background. So imagine how great it is for me to have that happen completely unintentionally. It was like magic! BLACK MAGIC.

> Continue reading...The Duggars & Severe Torture

Am I appalled or intrigued?

December 21, 2008 |

Thoughts

¡Watch the whole thing! The real magic is at the very end…

Can humans eat things like this and not just keel over dead? Is Paula Dean secretly a machine from the far reaches of outer space whose nuclear reactor core runs on sugars and fats? Is she plotting to conquer the Earth and enslave us all to work her butter mines on distant planets? Am I becoming increasingly neurotic since the revelation of this whole doppelgänger thing?!

> Continue reading...Am I appalled or intrigued?

Um, hello? Who said this was ok?

December 19, 2008 |

Thoughts

Apparently, I have a doppelgänger somewhere who is having his face painted on walls in London. My cousin Steven pointed me toward the evidence which I gladly display for you here.

n1290762706_17136_2037

What the hell? People are often told they look like someone else and, mostly, it’s a stretch to find the similarities. There will be one thing that’s similar and the person making the connection will have an overactive imagination. “Oh, you’ve got black hair, and it reminds me of Freddie Mercury, so you look like Freddie Mercury.” Yeah, sure, whatever.

But in this case, I have to admit that this is a pretty striking resemblance. Were it not for the obvious geographical issue (I’m in NY) and a whole host of other issues (How did they get my face? Who painted this? What the hell?), I would actually think this is a painting of me. It’s uncanny and freaking me out in a way, but the narcissist in me is overwhelmed with joy that my face is on the wall somewhere in London (even if it isn’t actually my face).

The other option is that my doppelgänger is out there somewhere doing something to get his face blazoned on the walls of London tunnels. Clearly this can only lead to trouble for me in the long run so the solution to this issue is clear; I must immediately begin training in the deadly arts, track this shouldn’t-exist version of myself down, slay him, and drink his blood to take what is currently two and make myself whole again. That is without a doubt the only rational choice to make in these circumstances. I mean, what would you do when faced with tangible proof that someone else is out there wearing your face like a mask and committing unspeakable acts of sheer lunacy? Unless of course I’m the evil one. In that case, my whole life suddenly makes a lot of sense. Hmm. Food for thought.

> Continue reading...Um, hello? Who said this was ok?

The “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” Game

December 17, 2008 |

Thoughts

Previously I had discussed the little game I play with myself in the elevators in the morning, but recently I have been playing a new game I refer to a the “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” game. The game involves walking in the front door in the morning and walking by the security table, making eye contact with the girl at the desk, and purposefully not swiping my security card. Technically, we are supposed to swipe our cards every time we enter the building, but, ever the shit disturber, I try to see how far I can get without swiping my card.

Typically I am pretty successful when the girl is working. She is very lax with people she knows work here, which includes me. Awesome. When the other maintenance guys are in the lobby, I swipe my card because I don’t really want to get her in trouble with them or get grief from them. When it’s a new guy (there seem to be random guys kind of regularly) I swipe my card. But, I’d say about 90% of the time I can walk straight in sans card-swipe.

I imagine that this is thrilling information for everyone, but this is my goddamned website, so deal. I spent a lot of time grounded when I was a kids (deservedly so) and have thus figured out myriad ways to entertain myself all the time. It’s good fun. Being grounded builds character.

Also, another random thought, whenever I say the word “goddamn” or the phrase “goddamn it”, I can’t help but think of my mother because this is easily her favorite curse. And since I spent much of my childhood pissing her off, I heard “Goddamn it, Joseph Michael!” frequently. Very frequently. I will catch myself using it in the exact same way and then I think of her while I’m all pissed off and it feels really weird because I like my mom and being all pissed about something and thinking randomly of something you like is a weird sensation, like laughing when you’ve hurt yourself which I also do, or eating something and expecting one texture and getting a completely different one.

Hi mom! Love you!

> Continue reading...The “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” Game

Metric System Party – The Aftermath

December 14, 2008 |

Thoughts

This is just a quickie post to update any of my non-New York and non-attending New York readers of how amazing the Metric System debut party was. Many of you who know me know that I am a jaded, cynical son of a bitch and it takes a LOT to impress me. Well, I was totally impressed by the huge turn out on Friday and the sheer awesomeness of the party. For those of you who were unable to attend, do make sure you come by for the next event.

Kudos to you Metric System folks who went well beyond what was called for and really made this party happen. Good work.

Expect photos in the next few days. I took nearly 500 of them between 6 and 10:30, which is about on par for me. I think the yield of good photos will be high, maybe 3:1 to 4:1 photos to usable photos. I expect maybe 15-20 really great ones. And, any doubts I might have had about the investment in the 5d Mk II were put out of their misery and buried under a mountain of stone where only the Balrog dwells.

I wonder how Jesse Allen felt yesterday morning? Haha. Silly Jesse and his dwindling back-pocket bottle of Jack Daniels.

> Continue reading...Metric System Party – The Aftermath

Metric System party tonight, Dec 12th!

December 12, 2008 |

Thoughts

Everyone, Metric System party is tonight from 8-10pm. If you live in New York and are not infirm, I expect to see you there. Here’s the invite with the location.

Metric System Medium Invite
Metric System Invite

If you want to be slick and come by for the VIP hour, the party starts at 7, with a silent auction, exclusive performance, and a bunch of other really great stuff for a suggested donation of only 20 US dollars.

Come by! Support the arts!

> Continue reading...Metric System party tonight, Dec 12th!