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Month: April 2010 (page 2 of 5)

“Ode To Spot”, the finest piece of poetry I have ever experienced.

Here it is. For you to enjoy.

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

Bonus points if you can name the source without Google. Mikey, I’m looking at you.

Taco truck review for 4/24/2010 – El Carrito Rojo

Here’s something new for The Black Laser: taco reviews. I eat a lot of tacos and tortas. They are easily my preferred fast food. And I don’t mean goddamned Taco Bell or some vile, hellish misinterpretation of the humble, noble taco. Instead I like to eat from trucks and carts and stands and restaurants. At one point I was going to do a spate of taco reviews for the recent insurgence of delicious taco joints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn for Steve’s Word. Alas, Steve’s Word is no more, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still plenty of delicious taco places out there that you, my lovely readers, need to know about.

I’ve been working at No6 Editorial for the last few weeks. When I lived on the South Side of the ‘Burg, I would take the J train to the F at Delancey and then get off at 23rd street and 6th Ave, just two blocks from the office. Since my move, however, I no longer have easy access to the J train, so I’ve been taking the G to the L at Lorimer and then just getting off at 14th St and 6th Ave instead of waiting for the F to take me one stop. I walk up 6th Ave now, an 11 block walk, and it’s totally fine. Nice even.

One day I noticed that there was a taco truck, El Carrito Rojo, parked on 19th Street at 6th Ave, just after the Bed, Bath & Beyond. A bell went off in my head. A taco truck! I must try it! Weeks passed and I walked past the truck every day, but I never actually ate there. Then, today, on my way in to the office, I figured I’d stop and buy a carnitas torta there. For 5 bucks I got what might have been the single best torta I’ve ever eaten. It’s not just that I was hungry or that it was beautiful outside or that I had a sandwich loaded with pork and beans. No, it was something else. It was the magical mezcla of salt and jalapeño and guac and beans and wonderfulness.

If you work or live or find yourself in the neighborhood here, I cannot recommend El Carrito Rojo highly enough. The torta was the perfect thing for a beautiful Saturday in the office. Go.

Photo taken from Taco NYC.

Hypocrisy’s “Weed Out the Weak”

My friend JJ this morning was sending me some genuinely awful glee-club, choral crap on YouTube. It was so terrible, in fact, that I need to cleanse my sonic palette.

I used this track by Death Metal stalwarts Hypocrisy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I also hope it is as successful in pushing out that choral crap as it was for me. Holy shit, JJ, that stuff is terrible. Why have you been watching it?

Brain Drill’s “Beyond Bludgeoned”

Yes. Fucking Brain Drill slays. This track is everything absurd I love about Death Metal.

The video itself? Utterly forgettable. But so what? Not every video made for 15 dollars can be mind-blowing. This right here rocks so hard I might throw up from how hard I’m throwing the claw right now.

A voice from outer space.

This video shows a high speed train concept developed by some Chinese engineers which is all fine and good, but, really, who cares? The real point of this video is the amazing outer space voice of the female announcer. What the hell is this shit about? I’ve heard Chinese spoken plenty of times in my life, but this is wild. And the reverb? Why?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


God, I love you all so much.

To all my lovely readers, I just wanted to write to tell you that I love you. Thank you for reading The Black Laser. It means a lot to me that you spend your valuable time reading and enjoying the sometimes/sometimes-not nonsense I post here. I’m not the most clever man, nor do I have the most insightful thoughts, but I hope that I can provide a smidgeon of entertainment for you or a break from work or maybe even a new sweet band you’ve never heard. Even better, my readership has soared over the past few months.

Let’s look, shall we?!

This is a map of my monthly hits over the lifetime of The Black Laser. On the left there you can see where I started the site in November of 2008 (it’s been so long!) and where we are now on April 22, 2010. You can see the little numbers on the Y axis, but how about a little reference for you?

These are The Black Laser’s two slowest months on record at a paltry 509 hits in February, 2009 and 520 hits in September, 2009. Pathetic. You’ll notice that these dips on the graph don’t really dip so much for the period between November, 2008 and January, 2010.

January, 2010 was about on par with my previous highest traffic month of April, 2009. Then, as you can see, something changed.

My hits nearly double. Wild! Where’s all this new traffic from? Have I made a bunch of new friends? Do people like it more when I post random crap instead of stories? Heartbreaking? Who are all you people visiting The Black Laser? I want to know! Why aren’t you commenting? I love you!

Here’s where we are now with 9 days left in April at pretty much the same level of traffic experienced in both February AND March. Unless the world explodes, we’ll probably break 2000 hits for the month which is pretty fucking amazing for a blog by me that doesn’t advertise anywhere nor have any specific purpose or goal. I just post things I like and I guess you guys like the things I like and that makes me super happy. My ego swells.

Of course, for a site like Gawker or whatever—for whom, incidentally, my friend Megan writes—this level of traffic is like a dust mote in the eye of the Kraken. But I’m just….*counts*…. one man. One man with one snarky fucked up attitude and the desire to share with friends, enemies, and strangers on this wild, wooly thing we call the internets. So, readers, thank you. I appreciate you all. It also helps me know that if I ever do decide to put ads on The Black Laser (I won’t) that I could make some ok extra cash off it. Sweet!

In appreciation, here’s a killer photo of a bald eagle eating a crow that I found on Fucking Delicious. Enjoy!

In honor of the show I am going to (hopefully) see this weekend, here is some music from the bands.

Cattle Decapitation:


Awesome! Club Europa, here I come. Metal + Tiki decorations are fucking awesome together.