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Posts tagged as “Advertising”

Never say no to Panda.

As an advertising professional, if I had cut these spots they would be the entirety of my reel. I absolutely love the panda’s contempt for everyone. My friend Sean posted this on my Facebook page today and I needed to share it with everyone else. When first watching, I thought the panda was going to appeal to their kindness with his sad face and cuddly cheeks, but then he starts fucking up their SE30s (running DOS for some reason) and everything gets a lot better. He pulls the guy’s fucking IV drip off in the next one, for Christ’s sake.

Amazing! I love it! GET PISSED, PANDA!

I salute you, Middle Eastern cheese company, for making downright wonderful ads for your cheese and for not being afraid to take it there. Everyone else trying to make things “viral”, take a cue from these guys.

Like a colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice

Remember the Dollar Shave Club spot posted previously? Well, here we have an ad (of specious legitimacy) for a brand of Lithuanian mineral water called Vytautas. And boy is it ever a great ad. Even if it isn’t real (it isn’t), it’s great (it is).

Let’s make a list of all the things I like about it.

  • Yelling.
  • Polar bear riding a laser-spewing orca.
  • Birds and fish.
  • Digest bricks, leather jackets, richest cuisine, Icelandic cuisine, and this goat on a boat.
  • Pig & iPad sandwich.
  • 1 milk. 1 banana. 1 jet fighter you knocked from the sky with a crossbow.
  • Electric eel.
  • Freddie Mercury.
  • Time travel.
  • Screaming bunny.
  • Sexy like a tiger in a Bucati powered by liquified thoughts of the universe.
  • Panda gang rape.
  • Give a negative fuck.
  • The description of the taste.
  • Guy riding a buffalo riding an ATV.
  • Colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice.
  • Tractor sex.
  • Boobs or cheese? SMART CHOICE.

Did you get all that? Good. Now watch it again. Love.

Dollar Shave Club: Advertising done so, so right

My work compatriot Mike sent me this video today while I should have been working. Instead, I watched the video and am now wasting more time telling all of you about the video. C’est la vie, eh?

The video is an ad for a new website called Dollar Shave Club which is dedicated to bringing men (and women, I suppose) affordable razors.

From their About page:

We got tired of spending $15-$20 every time we bought razor blades. We asked ourselves, did we really need all this fancy technology in our shave: a vibrating handle, LED guide-lights, 8-blades, and grip that could steady a 9-iron? The answer was a defiant “No”!

We felt like we’d been over-marketed to. “Big Shave” companies keep telling us we need more expensive equipment, but why? Shaving should be simple. It sure used to be. Look at old photos of your father & grandfather. They didn’t have extreme shave gear, and they look pretty handsome, don’t they?

So… we teamed up with one of the world’s leading blade manufacturers and created signature 2, 4, and 6 blade razors. They’ve got everything you need in a shave: stainless steel blades, lubrication bars, and pivoting heads.

Seems pretty neat to me, but they’ve forgotten man’s most affordable, most rugged shaving method: the humble, magnificent, thrift safety razor. I switched to the safety razor years and years ago after becoming fed up with the poor shaves I was getting from more modern razors. Plus, as they said above, who wants to spend 15-20 bucks for fucking cartridges? Then you try and drag out blades WELL past when you should and you get piss poor shaves. No thanks.

With a minor investment in brush and handle, safety razors are your best friend when shaving. There are numerous of brands of blades on the market, all of which are incredibly cheap. My personal favorites, the Turkish Derby Extras. A few years ago, Jesse and I got a sample pack of razors and determined that the Derbies were the best: just sharp enough but not too sharp (Feathers, I’m looking at you), hold an edge well, and are inexpensive. For 20 cents a blade, you really don’t mind shaving with it three or four times and then replacing it. And therein is the advantage: with a constantly sharp blade (and a good afetrshave), you tend not to suffer from cuts and ingrown hairs and razor burn so endemic with dull, shitty blades. Think about it this way: have you ever tried to cut a tomato with a dull knife? Think about what happens to the poor tomato. Same thing with your face.

Plus, since I shave MAYBE once every 5 to 7 days (not for lack of hair; purely from laziness), I spend maybe a dollar on razors a month. Quite a bit like what they are charging for their baseline razor, but I get a vastly superior shave. In fact, if these guys were smart, they’d offer a double edge razor offer. Maybe like 10 razors a month for a buck. 5 for 50 cents? There’s got to be something there for the safety razor enthusiast. And hell, I’d like to support Dollar Shave Club. Seems like a good crüe.

So, if you’re not yet enlightened to the joys of a good wetshave with a safety razor, check these dudes out. I like their thing and this ad is pure brilliance.

Ortega + Olympic Gymnasts, a Match Made in Advertising HELL

What fucking client greenlit this stinking pile of mediocrity? And then was happy with the result? Oh. It was Ortega. Gymnasts should not be allowed to “act”. Those tacos look fucking horrible. I’ve never in my entire life seen something that made me think a taco was more disgusting than this ad.

Holy fucking shit, this is the worst. Just the worst. I am embarrassed for everyone on this. Make my tacos pop my ass.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Raid, or, my first real VO job.

Yeah! Check this shit out! So, I didn’t really want to talk about this too much until it was all done because I was stupid excited about it, but I finally got my first real voice over job, something I’ve been doing here at work for years and years. Tons of practice. This also means that I am now SAG eligible which has been a hurdle in the past.

“We LOVE your voice! Are you SAG?”


“Ah, too bad.”

And that’s a shame because the paper work required to get me in, the Taft Hartley, requires about 30 seconds of work. Luckily, this time, they thought I was worth it! Yay!

I am actually in the spot twice. Primarily at the end over the tag doing my best Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation. “GET DOUBLE XP WHEN YOU SNAP INTO A SLIMJIM OH YEAHHHHH!!!” And then again, snuck into the middle doing my best Starcraft impersonation saying “target acquired.”

The promo is running through 12/31, the spot is national, and it’s clearly tied into the new Call of Duty game, so with Christmas approaching those of you with television will probably see this air like crazy. So exciting!!

Lasers and Ken Nordine.

Have you ever seen something so perfect that you weren’t sure if you were still alive? As if, perhaps, a small sliver of heaven had come down to you and blessed you with visions of the Divine? The voice of God whispering sweet nothings into your ear? Then you have an idea how I felt when I saw these ads ( ! —I know) featuring not only lasers but Ken Nordine, the sweetest voice to ever grace my ears. Why don’t people make ads like this anymore? Were the late 70s so intense that this sort of thing flew, but we couldn’t possibly handle it now? I think it’s high time to bring lasers back into advertising.

They were made by Robert Abel & Associates, who also had a hand in Tron. Why did this company ever fold? I understand that Robert Abel passed away, but could not this beautiful laser motif have continued into the present day? I think it is quite clear to ANYONE reading this site that I love bright, gaudy design. If anything, these ads make me realize that I don’t have nearly enough lasery goodness on this site. I need grids! I need laser beams! I need more glows! I need explosions! BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

Do not fear, fearless readers, the laser style has not died. It’s just gone underground. Here is the proof.

Sweet. More lasers for everyone!