A monkey riding a goat. The end.
The Black Laser
Yeah, fuck you, Iceberg! Though, you are delicious as a vehicle for blue cheese. Go to hell!
Thanks, Michael!
Dear My Beard,
How’s it going, buddy? It’s been a while, huh? It’s real nice to see you again on my face and I bet you’re pretty glad that I’m not cutting you every few days. Must be some relief, right? I can’t imagine the horror it would be to have my head cut off every few days! Jeez, color me insensitive! I promise I don’t mean to be cruel.
Anyhoo, we both know that it has been a few months since you last graced the landscape of my face, and I have to say I am glad to have you back. You’re an old friend and good to me.
I must admit, beard, that your return wasn’t arbitrary. I didn’t just up and decide, “You know what? It’s time to grow my beard back.” I mean, it’s still August and summer and beards just don’t mix. (Sorry!) I grew you back because I’ve noticed that there are a lot more gray hairs in you than ever before and I was curious to see what it would look like grown out.
Now, don’t misinterpret this as me pining for my fading youth or fearing the passage of time and the realization of my inevitable death. No, actually, I kind of like the gray hair. It goes nicely with my otherwise very dark hair as evidenced by the white spot I’ve carried on my temple my entire life. What surprised me is, now that you’re grown in a little, how many more gray hairs there are than I have previously suspected based on evidence gathered from days’ worth of stubble. Given weeks’ worth of beard, the story is a little different.
Not bad, just different.
So, just writing to say what’s up, stay cool, and whatever.
Keep it real,
The Black Laser.
I am super super super mega pumped for this. And, with the news that my throat isn’t going to be killing me on the 22nd, I might just explode.
Is anyone else out there going? What to be super fun concert friends?
22 Things You Probably Won’t Be Disappointed About Missing At This Year’s Gathering of the Juggalos.
And I quote…
1. Giant Penises
2. Necrophiles
I’d post the remaining 20 list items and associated photos, but I think my server might get so terrified that it would kill itself.
See the rest of the contemptible list here: 22 Things You Will Probably See at the 2010 Gathering of the Juggalos.
Thanks, Gardner!
It’s official: Japan is WEIRD AS FUCK.
Tokyo’s ‘oldest man’ had been dead for 30 years
He was thought to be the oldest man in Tokyo – but when officials went to congratulate Sogen Kato on his 111th birthday, they uncovered mummified skeletal remains lying in his bed.
Mr Kato may have been dead for 30 years according to Japanese authorities.
They grew suspicious when they went to honour Mr Kato at his address in Adachi ward, but his granddaughter told them he “doesn’t want to see anybody”.
Police are now investigating the family on possible fraud charges.
‘Living Buddha’
Welfare officials had tried to meet Mr Kato since early this year. But when they went to visit, family members repeatedly chased them away, according to Tomoko Iwamatsu, an Adachi ward official.
Authorities grew suspicious and sought an investigation by police, who forced their way into the house on Wednesday.
They discovered a mummified body, believed to be Kato, lying in his bed, wearing underwear and pyjamas, covered with a blanket.
Mr Kato’s relatives told police that he had “confined himself in his room more than 30 years ago and became a living Buddha,” according to a report by Jiji Press.
But the family had received 9.5 million yen ($109,000: £70,000) in widower’s pension payments via Mr Kato’s bank account since his wife died six years ago, and some of the money had recently been withdrawn.
The pension fund had long been unable to contact Mr Kato.
“His family must have known he has been dead all these years and acted as if nothing happened. It’s so eerie,” said Yutaka Muroi, a Tokyo metropolitan welfare official.
Original article here. And also, double ewe tea eff?