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The Black Laser

Better Names for Baby

Preggers and having a hard time thinking of an original name for your forthcoming brood? Maybe you need to pick up a copy of Better Names For Baby, the new book written by my friends Matt and Charles. I vaguely remember contributing one or two to the list at a brunch some months ago, but I will rely on Matt and Charles to verify that claim. I am terrible with remembering things that happen when I’m still asleep and feeding my bad decision making engine with Sunday morning booze and eggs.

Get yourself a copy and check out a few sample pages here: Better Names for Baby

My personal favorite? Slint.

edit//// You can now read the entire book at the link, but I still think you should buy a copy.

James Kibbie & Bach’s Organ Works

Don’t lie. This morning you woke up thinking, Man, I could really go for a complete collection of Bach’s organ works in handy AAC format. And you didn’t have a SLIGHTLY dirty thought about the phrase “Bach’s organ works”. See? Aren’t we so grown up?

Well, you’re in luck!

Recently, James Kibbie, Professor of Organ at the University of Michigan, recorded and released all 270 of Bach’s organ works. What’s better is that he released them all for free.

Holy shit! Awesome! Organy!

You want ’em? Go get them here: James Kibbie & Bach’s Complete Organ Works

I Whip My Hair – The Remix Cloud

It is no secret that I loathe Willow Smith’s “I Whip My Hair”. The song is awful.

But, the fine folks over at the Mad Decent blog (you do read them, don’t you?) have done humanity the fine favor of sorting through 22 pages of Soundcloud remixes of this terrible track and then posted their favorites. It is remarkable how a little creativity can turn something utterly insipid into something that makes you want to dance your balls off.

I think my favorite remix they posted is the Anthem Kingz “Whip My Hair (Kingz Whip It Harder Mix)”. They’re all good. Check the collection here.

While you’re there, dig through the blog. You’ll find all sorts of free music gems. Unless you have shitty taste, then lord help you.

There Can Be Only One!

A moment ago I was sitting here in my apartment, quietly reading the internets, when my door buzzer rang and scared the living shit out of me. I was not expecting anyone and nearly didn’t go to the door, but I poked my head down the stairs and saw the UPS guy. Barefoot, I went and saw that there was a package for me.

Did I order something that I forgot about? I thought. It is absolutely possible that late one night I came home and did some Amazon business. It’s happened before. It will happen again.

Curious to see what I had ordered for myself but had not remembered ordering, I opened the box. Inside were copies of Highlander and Highlander II on Blu-ray.

What? So random.

Then I looked and saw my mom’s name and address on the packing slip. I laughed aloud. So, in honor of this random gift, expect a couple of Highlander retrospectives this week on The Black Laser. And, right now, enjoy some of the magnificent soundtrack to the first film by none other than the mighty Queen.

But, most importantly, thanks mom!

God damn, did you see the power of Queen destroy Silvercup Studios?! That was SO AWESOME.

What did NASA find?!?!

As Space Pope, I am privy to all that takes place in the universe. It’s my job to be aware of goings on and such like, but I have made an arrangement with your humble earth scientists at NASA (so primitive!) not to reveal what they’ve discovered until they have a chance to wow the human race on Friday afternoon (afternoon! How parochial! There’s no afternoon in space!).

They’ve sent out this press release.

Dwayne Brown
Headquarters, Washington
202-358-1726
dwayne.c.brown@nasa.gov

Cathy Weselby
Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, Calif.
650-604-2791
cathy.weselby@nasa.gov
Nov. 29, 2010

MEDIA ADVISORY : M10-167

NASA Sets News Conference on Astrobiology Discovery; Science Journal Has Embargoed Details Until 2 p.m. EST On Dec. 2

WASHINGTON — NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life. Astrobiology is the study of the origin, evolution, distribution and future of life in the universe.

The news conference will be held at the NASA Headquarters auditorium at 300 E St. SW, in Washington. It will be broadcast live on NASA Television and streamed on the agency’s website at http://www.nasa.gov.

Participants are:
– Mary Voytek, director, Astrobiology Program, NASA Headquarters, Washington
– Felisa Wolfe-Simon, NASA astrobiology research fellow, U.S. Geological Survey, Menlo Park, Calif.
– Pamela Conrad, astrobiologist, NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, Greenbelt, Md.
– Steven Benner, distinguished fellow, Foundation for Applied Molecular Evolution, Gainesville, Fla.
– James Elser, professor, Arizona State University, Tempe

Media representatives may attend the conference or ask questions by phone or from participating NASA locations. To obtain dial-in information, journalists must send their name, affiliation and telephone number to Steve Cole at stephen.e.cole@nasa.gov or call 202-358-0918 by noon Dec. 2.

For NASA TV streaming video and downlink information, visit:

http://www.nasa.gov/ntv

For more information about NASA astrobiology activities, visit:

http://astrobiology.nasa.gov

– end –

What can it mean, humans!? What did they find out there in the dark nether regions of the void, which is, of course, not a void, but filled with dark matter and the Great Destroyer’s consciousness?

Tune in Friday at 2 (-5 GMT!) to find out! And remember, this is the year we make contact.

My super awesome trip to the Metropolitan Opera House.

Last Friday my friend Shelby, who works for the Metropolitan Opera doing events, invited me (on my insistence) to take a tour of the opera house. It was so ridiculously awesome that I recommend every New Yorker have a friend like Shelby and make her take you on a tour during the middle of a work day. Here is a list, in no particular order, of the things I enjoyed while there.

  • Entering through the employees’ entrance
  • Seeing the auditorium empty except for the stagehands setting up for that night’s performance of Carmen
  • Going on stage (I didn’t sing)
  • Seeing the costume shop, set shop, and properties area
  • Discovering that every dressing room for a principal actor has its own piano for warm ups
  • The faces of every person who saw us and was all, “Who the fuck are these kids?”
  • Shelby saying “fudge” instead of “fuck”
  • The smell of the place, like old people
  • Going into the chorus rehearsal room
  • And, really, so much more

But of all the things I saw, one really stood out for me. It was this.

A 30 FOOT TALL BLOODY JESUS HEAD.

Are you kidding me?! How amazing is this thing? It’s huge! So huge, in fact, that I made Shelby get into the photo so we had a sense of its scale. I want this in my house so bad it hurts.

My only regret of the day is that I didn’t bring my camera with me. I thought it presumptuous so I left it at home and I told her as much. She said that it would have been all right though, and I immediately felt a pang of regret. Oh well. I’ll just have to find a reason to go back camera in hand.

Happy (Belated) 2nd Birthday, The Black Laser!

Yesterday marked the two-year anniversary of The Black Laser. Isn’t that exciting?! Let’s all have some cake!

What does the bright and shining future hold for The Black Laser?! WHO FUCKING KNOWS?!? What, I can see into the future? Jesus Christ, guys. I may be the Space Pope, but I’m not psychic. Well, I AM psychic, but I’m not a friggin’ fortuneteller. You want one of those, you go to a fucking carnival.

In all seriousness, the site’s long overdue for a redesign. What I’ve got now is SOOOO 2008 that it just screams for the tender loving help it needs. I’ve got some ideas for it. We shall see.

Otherwise, there will be no great changes to the format or content of The Black Laser. Why would it change? So, keep reading, and I’ll keep posting all sorts of crazy crap.

I also want to say happy birthday to my darling niece Sienna as she shares a birthday with The Black Laser. I don’t get a lot of two year olds on this site, so one of you with a direct line will have to convey my birthday wishes.