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The Black Laser

Computer Chronicles: MIDI Music (1986)

When you didn’t think The Black Laser could get ANY dorkier, here’s a 30 minute program from 1986 about (then) moden computer music technology. Seriously, check this shit. It is SO HOT.

In another 25 years, it will be amazing to look back at our current ZOMG SO HIGH TECH stuff right now with the same sense of quaintness that I feel about this show. 8mb hard disk? Floppies? 1200 baud Hayes-compatible modems? 7000 1986 dollar CD burners ($18,587.63 in today’s dollars)? EGA screens capable of displaying 16 colors? THE FUTURE WAS THEN!

A collection of Time Travel-themed cooking show recipes.

Charles:

  • moebius tortilla strip soups
  • Emmet Brown Gravy
  • Paradoxtail Soup
  • oyakodon (killing your grandfather)
  • Bok Choi the Future
  • 12 Monkey Lime Pie
  • Le Jetee and Cake
  • Bill and Ted’s Egg Salad Adventure
  • the butterball effect
  • Donnie Dark Meat
  • Ground Chuck Day
  • The Philadelphia Cream Cheese Experiment
  • Terminator 2: Fudgement Day
  • Freejack and Coke (cocktails!)
  • prince of persia: the naan of time

Me:

  • Morlock Burgers.
  • Flux Capacitor Carpaccio.
  • Emmet Brown Gravy and (I didn’t finish because we both wrote it at the same time)
  • H.G. Wellington.
  • Black Hole Pudding.
  • The Sound of Thunder Nachos.
  • Time Bandits & Cream.
  • Bacon to The Future.
  • Thyme Bandits
  • Bill and Ted’s Bogus Jerkey.
  • Tart Trek : Generations.

The Theme for 2011

After the unmitigated disaster that was my Theme for 2010, it’s time to reevaluate the way I intend to approach 2011. But first, let’s explore what I set out to do for 2010 and where I think everything went wrong because, without exaggeration, everything went wrong.

The thing you’ll notice first when looking over at the tally for the year in the right hand column is that I accomplished basically nothing of what I intended at this time last year. My grand plans to write something substantial every single month AND make three music videos fell right through the floor. Whose fault is that? Mine, of course. But, the other question is am I upset about it? Nope. Not at all.

Where was all the work? It was there, but not in the places I intended. 2010 was a very busy year for me professionally and with other personal projects. As it turned out, I engaged in a ton of projects through the year.

What the hell did I spend all year doing? Well, I cut a film, 6 other videos, a bunch of commercials, I took the whole summer off, I moved out of my old apartment and adjusted to life as a single man, I traveled around the country, I reconnected with old friends, I made new friends, I made music, I partied way too much, and who knows what else. The bottom line is that I was busy busy busy and I enjoyed (almost) every moment of it.

So, I didn’t get the things done I wanted to get done this year, but in the face of a major shift in my life, I was able to accomplish a number of other things. I feel good about how 2010 turned out overall and have no complaints. Sure, in retrospect I could have slowed my roll a little bit and gotten more done, but I needed to get it out of my system too. I also think that the important part about the theme is not that I make something specific, but that I make something no matter what it is. The idea is to be creatively active, engaged, making things.

The theme for 2011 will be…

The Year of 12 Projects (and Slowing My Roll)

What does this entail? Simple. For each month of the year I will do something creative that requires more than one sitting. It’s not going to be one-per-month to allow for me to do 2 at once or skip a month if needed, but as there are 12 months in the year, so will I walk into 2012 with 12 projects finished. What the scope or nature of these projects will be I cannot say. The only requirement is that they are creative. It could be anything. Right off the bat, I am thinking of redesigning The Black Laser, getting josephdillingham.com up and running, a short story set in OUTER SPACE!!!!, some music, a music video for my friend Mandy, and whatever the hell else my brain comes up with. Make make make.

The other half of the theme is to slow my roll. If you don’t understand what I mean, it can be boiled down to two words: party less. I’ve gone a little nuts this year and it’s taking its toll on me. It’s been the default mode for me this year. When I don’t have anything to do, I go out. Bad news. I need to figure out ways to entertain myself that don’t end with an empty wallet and a scarred liver. Common sense, I think. Besides, I have some trips planned for later this year and it would be nice to be able to afford them.

There it is. Look out for posts tagged “The Year of 12 Projects”. When the first one is done, I will make a new box on the right. Or I won’t. Wouldn’t you like to know?!?!

Merry Christmas, Mortals!

I hope you’re having a festive Christmas with your family. For those of you who don’t buy into the whole “God impregnated a little Jewish girl who then had the baby in a fucking barn while three Asian dudes checked her shit out and brought her a bunch of crap she didn’t need and, oh yeah, there’s some farm animals hanging out too” spiel, then I hope you’re having a nice time off work. And if you’re unlucky enough to be working, then may god (the virgin impregnator) have mercy on your soul (such as it exists).

To celebrate this festive, made-up holiday, let’s watch some fucking videos, eh!?

First off, GWAR!!!!!!

Will Ferrell and John C Reilly’s Little Drummer Boy!!!!!!

Brett Domino doing Fairytale of New York!!!!!!

Majela ZeZe Diamond singing her Christmas hit!!!!!

A Very Tron Christmas Special!!!

He-Man and the Eating of Flesh, a random thought

This morning on the train I was staring through the subway window letting my brain go where ever the hell it is my brain wants to go when I’m well rested (read: all over the fucking place), when I remembered a scene from the 1987 live action He-Man film that, for some reason or another, has always stuck with me.

It goes something like this:

EXT. DAYTIME BUSHES – MAN AT ARMS, his DAUGHTER, and the little WIZARD dude are hiding in some bushes. TEENAGE LEAD approaches them with a bucket of fried chicken. They commence to eat said fried chicken while still hiding in the bush.

DAUGHTER
What is this? It’s quite delicious!

MAN AT ARMS
Chicken. Pretty good too.

DAUGHTER
A chicken? Like the animal?

MAN AT ARMS
Yup.

DAUGHTER
You mean this was alive? They eat animals?

MAN AT ARMS
Yup. We used to eat like this back in the war.

Daughter and little Wizard look disgusted an drop their chicken back into the bucket. Man At Arms keeps eating, enjoying every bite.

DAUGHTER
Barbaric!

I don’t know WHY this has always stuck with me. The movie is wholly unremarkable, even to a 7 year old. But there’s something about Man At Arm’s “fuck it” attitude here that resonated with young Joe. I have snippets of other stuff from the film—the time key, Courtney Cox, Skeletor turning into super Skeletor at the end, Dolph Lundgren—but this scene is easily the clearest.

Weird how that happens, eh?

Press for Better Names for Baby

You’ll remember a few days ago that my friends Charles and Matt came out with their Better Names for Baby book. Well they’ve been getting some decent press across the old interwebs and I thought it worth sharing with you.

The first, and best, was when they were featured at Boing Boing.

Appropriately, the readership of Boing Boing got the joke and overall people were pretty positive about the book. And why shouldn’t they be? It’s hilarious. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for other sites.

From Church Crunch:

It looks like the author of the post didn’t even bother to read the book at all, but one of the commenters did.

AAAANnnnddd clearly he didn’t get it at all. Oops!

They got a similar reaction to this post about the book from The Bump:

Though the author of the post gets it, some of the commenters seem a little lost.

It was also posted about on the CH Runners forum. The initial post is right on, but some of the comments are damn strange.

…and then they get weird.

Well maybe it’s just that one dude. Overall, the rest of the commenters got it. And then Charles chimed in.

A couple months ago at a screening of The Frontiersman’s Wife, a film I edited, I shocked myself by heckling my own film It was then I realized I am an inveterate heckler to the point that even my own work is not safe from my snarky commentary. Charles is the internet version of that trolling a thread about his work. Hilarious.

If you haven’t yet bought a copy, do. Better Names for Baby.

CVC Designs – It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Every year my friend Charles of Better Names for Baby, http://fuckyeahcharlesvestal.tumblr.com/, and A Year of Record fame releases a Christmas compilation of original Christmas songs by his friends. This year, I contributed one and a half songs: one I did with Charles called “TANZEN” and one I did by myself called “Robots Destroyed Christmas”. For those of you involved in my musical history, you will recognize that robots destroying things is a very very common theme in my music. I don’t know why, I don’t care why. It will no doubt continue to permeate everything I do in life.

Want to hear the two tracks I worked on? Here you go.

TANZEN–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/13%20___FROHLICHE%20WEINACHTEN___%20-%20TANZEN%20%28Radio%20Edit%29.mp3|artists=FROHLICHE WEINACHTEN|titles=TANZEN]

“TANZEN” (German for Dance) was inspired by a conversation Charles and I were having one night at the Gypsy bar. We thought it would be funny to write a dance track where the only lines were “Ich bin Santa. Du bist ein Elf.” For those of you who don’t speak German (like me), that just means “I am Santa. You are an Elf.” The chorus is just “tanzen” repeated, encouraging the listener to get on the floor and shake dat ass with yuletide cheer. Later we incorporated the Frau Claus verse, the Ich liebe Rudolph movement, and the vocoder interlude. I think, for an afternoon’s hungover work, it came out pretty well. It makes me laugh.

Robots Destroyed Christmas–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/14%20The%20Black%20Laser%20-%20Robots%20destroyed%20Christmas.mp3|artists=The Black Laser|titles=Robots Destroyed Christmas]

The production of this track was much more involved than “TANZEN” mostly because this is the first real track I’ve ever produced in Logic so I had to learn how to make things work. There was a whole hell of a lot of dicking around and noodling with sounds and trying to get things balanced. It also highlighted the need for a subwoofer for my computer if I am going to continue to make music on it. I can hear everything in the mid and high ranges quite nicely, but the rich low end I so desperately crave and is so vital to a decent mix eludes me. I apologize if this kills your sub. It shouldn’t.

In this track I wanted to explore a few Christmas-y themes: fire, death, robots, snow, blood. These are things we commonly associate with Christmas time and I thought that bringing them all together in one, hard-edged place that makes you want to dance was a good idea for the benefit of humanity. I think I accomplished something with this that I will be able to expand upon in further pieces of music about robots destroying things.

Now that I’ve given you a taste of the 14 tracks on the album, go get a copy here: It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Be sure to check out the track by mitzidodge too. Enjoy!