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Posts published in December 2011

I’ve always wanted a dude in a utilikilt to build me a fire-breathing robot pony.

December 8, 2011 |

Thoughts

There are, you will notice, in fact TWO utilikilts in this video.

Here’s what they have to say about it.

For Maker Faire Detroit 2011, I displayed a hack I made to a FurReal Friends Butterscotch Pony. My fellow LVL1 Hackers and I had taken control of the motor control system of the toy and added a flame thrower to it. It seemed to go over really well with the crowd, so I am putting up the information for anyone to make there own. It was a blast to make and I hope everyone has as much fun remaking it. Just remember that this project uses Fire and should only be built and operated by no less then 2 adults with appropriate experience in fire safety and proper fire safety equipment on hand.

And holy fuck, they’ve published instructions.

UTILIKILTS! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! This post might have contributed my favorite new post tag, though: Fire-breathing pony robot. I’ll have to think of other moments to use it.

> Continue reading...I’ve always wanted a dude in a utilikilt to build me a fire-breathing robot pony.

Howie Mandel’s “Watusi”

December 7, 2011 |

Music and Music Videos

This morning Jesse texted me.

Have you seen the Howie Mandel Watusi video? I thought of you…

I replied.

E-mail it to me.

He e-mailed me the link.

I replied.

I have never seen that before, but it might have changed my life. For the worse.

He replied.

Yeah, right?
It’s amazing- I hate it so much – yet it also predates Tim & Eric and reminds me so much of their aesthetic and what they mock and love – but it has no irony – but then that makes it more real – but the real is a bad – but I hate it – I can’t stop watching it – I love it – I hate Howie Mandel – but I understand myself better – but I don’t like what I now know.

I finished the chain off with this message.

You are getting Black Lasered in about 6 minutes.

I present this here for you all so that you understand what it is I am working with. There are definitely bright points, this being one of them.

> Continue reading...Howie Mandel’s “Watusi”

On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist IV

December 7, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

Question:

A friend fell in love with a cowboy through the Internet. They shared their hopes and dreams, and even discussed marriage and a baby — though my friend is in her 50s, and they’d never met. She planned to move to his state to live with him. She flew there, they connected for a few days, then he broke up with her. Now she is devastated, and telling her story to anyone who’ll listen. She sounds nuts, and I want to protect her. May I tell her to stop?

You must not just tell her to stop, you must force her to stop. Bind her, gag her, throw her into a lake, do anything you must to make her stop forcing her pathetic tales of broken-hearted misery on undeserving people. There is nothing more vile than someone unloading their heartbreak onto other people. How dare she inflict her misery upon someone else! Does she not understand that people do not care about her sadness!? Hopes!? Pfah! Dreams?! PFAH! These are the illusions of a weak mind. She allowed herself to be weak, to be seduced, and now she is paying for it. By all means, by fire and ice, by wolf and crow, shut her up or I will leave my shed in the woods and do it for you.

We do not have “cowboys” in Norway, but my understanding of their slack-jawed cattle wranglers is that they are not often indoors, much less on the internet. How did this feeble-minded friend of yours meet this “cowboy” on the internet if cowboys do not have or know how to use computers? She got what she deserved from following her “heart” straight into the arms of the deceiver. Actually, you know what? I like this liar cowboy. He has done Darkness’s work by breaking your foolish friend’s lovesick heart. He should be crowned champion and be allowed to break more hearts and more hearts and more hearts.

I have no experience with heartbrokenness. I was born into this world with a soul full of mist and have never felt anything but bleakness and the cold frost of Norwegian winters. I know only the call of the raven and the smell of smoke. Allowing yourself to feel for someone else is a sign of weakness. And for your “friend” to be so presumptuous that she thinks we will care when her weakness is revealed and exploited by the obviously more powerful “cowboy” only leads me to believe that she should be put out of her (and our) misery.

Kill your friend.

Soundtrack: Celeste’s “Misanthrope(s)”

Also posted at:

> Continue reading...On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist IV

Ode on The Dude Sleeping Face Down On the Subway Bench

December 7, 2011 |

Poetry and Writing

This morning I was inspired to write a poem after seeing a man sleeping face down on a subway bench. Here it is.

O! Dude sleeping face down on the subway bench
How do you stay asleep with passing trains?
They are so very very loud.
I wonder what sort of despair brought you to this place
Where face down on a subway bench is an ideal spot to sleep

Thank you, thank you. I think this is deserving of a new Writing subcategory.

> Continue reading...Ode on The Dude Sleeping Face Down On the Subway Bench

Pulp’s “A Little Soul”

December 6, 2011 |

Music and Music Videos

The song from This Is Hardcore I really wanted to post was “Glory Days” but it doesn’t have a video, so I went with this one instead. “A Little Soul” is Jarvis Cocker’s conversation between himself and his own absent father, his father telling him not to turn into him and that he was a bastard when Cocker was a kid. He sings, “You look like me/But please don’t turn into me/You look like me/But you’re not like me I hope”. Christ, what a sad, fearful song for him to write, but a sentiment we can all relate to. That fear that you are going to grow up and repeat the same mistakes your parents made is the whole point of the song.

And that is sort of what makes This Is Hardcore so wonderful. Every song is sad and every song is dark, yet every song is catchy and driving and slick. It’s like all this lyrical sadness layered on top of fucking awesome rock music. God, I love it so much. So so much. I have no idea how many hundreds of times I’ve listened to it since 1998.

> Continue reading...Pulp’s “A Little Soul”