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Posts published in May 2011

Summer 2010 Ice Cream mix

May 29, 2011 |

About Music and Music

After he read my previous post on the subject of ice cream, the inimitable Charles Vestal sent me a mix he made last summer that is entirely ice cream themed.

Here’s the tracklist:

01 – new young pony club – Ice Cream
02 – jonathan richman – Ice Cream Man
03 – johnny osbourne – ice cream love
04 – quix o tic – IceCreamSundae
05 – channel_3000_-_holiday_and_ice_cream
06 – tilly and the wall – Poor Man’s Ice Cream
07 – aitanna77_-_licking_ice_cream_cones
08 – Ariane – Ice Cream
09 – SoftTigers-MrIceCream_MiamiHorrorRemix
10 – the time – Ice Cream Castles
11 – cibo matto – White Pepper Ice Cream
12 – sarah maclachlan – Ice Cream
13 – dan deacon Biggle Hat was Ice-Cream Time(Card Shark Nose Nose)
14 – Nivea – Taste My Ice Cream
15 – the jolenes – ice cream
16 – pissed jeans-ive-still-got-you-ice-cream
17 – le_remede-ice_cream_ft._keny_arkana
18 – muscles – Ice Cream

Pretty fun mix overall. I mean, I have no love for Sarah MacLachlan, but whatever. Ice cream songs all around!

Summer 2010 Ice Cream Mix ~102mb

> Continue reading...Summer 2010 Ice Cream mix

Get Drunk Tonight – The Cubbyhole

May 27, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

The Cubby Hole – West Village, NYC (West 4th St & West 12th St)

A few weeks ago I was talking to a recently-out-of-the-closet friend of mine who told me that she felt intimidated by The Cubby Hole. She felt like she was bad at talking to women. She worried that she’d clam up when faced with a woman she was interested in. Immediately I said that I would be her wingman to The Cubby Hole for some good old fashioned lesbian hunting. I mean, why not? I’m good at talking to strangers, strangers who happen to be women, and I am certainly not off-put by the idea of going to the gay bar. Never have been. Why would I be? That’s crazy talk. Never mind that The Cubby Hole has to be one of the most fun, most ridiculous, most friendly bars in all five boroughs.

I have never had anything but an awesome time here and I’ve made friends every single time. It’s consistently a fun, lively crowd who are there to get their drank on, get their sang on, and get fucking Rowdy Roddy Piper. The bar is decorated with a maddening array of colored tchotchkes and baubles hanging from the ceiling which coupled with the inevitable crowds lends the bar a particularly claustrophobic, womb-like atmosphere. So, yeah, sure, it can get crowded and they’re cash only (ATM’s around the corner, homie), but if you go on a week night or early on the weekend and can secure a spot at the bar, you’ll be in for a wild, wooly night that will reinvigorate your faith in mankind’s ability to have a good, silly time, particularly after spending weeks surrounded by a bunch of tired, old, depressing drunks at your local dive. And seriously, who cares if it’s crowded? Stop being such a softie and man-up to the best lesbian bar in town. Check the Cubby Hole out with your favorite lesbians, listen to some Gaga on the jukebox or Guns N’ Roses or whatever the hell they’ll be playing, and make a friend. Your life will be better for it. Just don’t be an asshole and pull anything off the ceiling. They don’t like that.

Also posted at:

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Get Drunk Tonight – Saint Vitus

May 20, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

Saint Vitus – Greenpoint, Brooklyn (Manhattan Ave @ Clay St.)

I have often said about Duff’s in Williamsburg that if someone had come along and offered 13 year old metalhead Joe money to decorate a bar, that Duff’s is exactly what I would have designed: dark, red lights, tits, horror movies on the television, metal blaring through the jukebox. Unfortunately I am no longer 13 and as much as I enjoy the ridiculous stereotypical metalheadness of Duff’s, sometimes I want a place I won’t be embarrassed to take a date but where I can still listen to heavy metal. Enter Saint Vitus.

A recent addition to Greenpoint’s myriad watering holes, Saint Vitus is a collaborative effort behind some dudes from Anella and Matchless who had the brilliant idea of creating a bar that is exactly what a 28 year old metalhead me would have designed if given the cash. Saint Vitus is a metal bar for grown ups and I love it. Whether you’re there to enjoy their line-up of local draught beer (Kelso, Sixpoint, Brooklyn) or to get shit faced on one of the many drink specials such as The Pope (Coors Banquet tallboy + a shot of Evan Williams + a pickleback), this place does not disappoint.

A seasoned drinker such as myself doesn’t feel odd sitting alone at the bar enjoying a solitary drink, even when surrounded by groups of folks there with the clear intention of making a night of it. Since this place is basically at the end of the world on Clay and Manhattan, I’ve never seen it so crowded that I find it obnoxious. Yet, the neighborhood seems to be genuinely excited about its opening and you’ll find a lively crowd there even on weeknights. And they play fucking Slayer and Iron Maiden all the time?! Holy shit, I love this place. I even heard Gojira the first time I went, which, if you are a fan of metal, you will know is some heavy shit. And I mean heavy as in HEAVY and heavy as in DEEP. Go alone. Go with friends. I don’t care. Just go. And eat a pork bun while you’re at it. Just look for the unadorned black store front with no sign.

In other good news, The Black Laser is now syndicated! Go read Vox Critica or perish!

Also posted at:

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Why the world will end on May 21st at 6pm

May 18, 2011 |

Thoughts

You’ve all heard about it, but I assume most of you don’t know the mathematical rationale behind why, come 6pm this coming Saturday, the world will end. I bet you all really want to know too, and who am I to deny my wonderful audience information which may save their eternal souls in very short order? I am a benevolent and giving Space Pope and command that only some of you be sent to the fire (you know who you are). The rest of you should read up on the following information from Wikipedia on why you should be preparing yourself for the forthcoming Rapture on Saturday at 6pm (sorry, no adjustments for GMT).

Another argument that Camping uses in favor of the May 21st date is as follows:

  1. According to Camping, the number five equals “atonement”, the number ten equals “completeness”, and the number seventeen equals “heaven”.
  2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
  3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
  4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
  5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
  6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a “story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we’re completely saved.”

Get all that? Flawless proof that this Saturday, just before supper, God’s Heaven will open up and usher in the end of the world. I wonder, though, if this is only for the Earth or also for the other alien civilizations out that we have yet to contact with the wondrous Good News. Seems a little unfair to just have the whole universe up and disappear without at least giving some of those other folks warning. But, then, who am I to question the mighty, infallible revelations of the One True Christian God?

Get your rocks of kiddies! Indulge and sin and lay with members of your same gender! Get divorced and kill someone and eat pork! Because the world’s ending on Saturday and we only have a little time left! Just make sure you devote (the remainder of) your life to Christ somewhere around 5/5:30 pm on Saturday. Wouldn’t want to get stuck in the eternal Fire, would we?

> Continue reading...Why the world will end on May 21st at 6pm

You should be listening to this: Witch Mountain

May 16, 2011 |

About Music and Music

Holy sheeee-it. I don’t have a whole lot of really smart things to say about this Oregon band, and, really, Cosmo over at Invisible Oranges has already written better than I would have. All I’ll say is that you should be listening to Witch Mountain and then you should go over to their bandcamp and give them some money.

I listened to one song and bought the LP. And now, listening to the rest of the record, I think I waited too long. Get over there and let them sludge your face off as the singer Uta pounds your bones into dust with her mighty wail.

> Continue reading...You should be listening to this: Witch Mountain

The Black Laser Reads… Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart”

May 8, 2011 |

The Black Laser Reads and Writing

Welcome to inaugural edition of “The Black Laser Reads”! A few days ago a call went out to Twitter and Facebook asking for suggestions for short stories that people liked. I got a lot of really good suggestions from people and have a running list on my Google Docs. I’m thinking Lovecraft, Bukowski, Carver, O’Connor, and so many more. The whole point behind this project is to build a body of audiobook work so that maybe somewhere down the line I can make it a professional pursuit. But, for now, it’s just fun to share stories with folks.

For this first one I picked Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart” because it was my mom’s suggestion and it is Mother’s Day. Pretty perfect if you ask me. Happy Mother’s Day, mom. The story is also nice and short for this first outing. No reason to start with “Bartleby The Scrivener,” right?

[audio:https://www.theblacklaser.net/projects/tblr/TBLR_01_The_Tell-Tale_Heart.mp3|artists=Edgar Allen Poe|titles=The Tell-Tale Heart]
Download here.

I hope you guys enjoyed this. I had fun reading it and tweaking the audio all to hell. I’m thinking that I’ll try and do one of these once or twice a month. This was about 3 hours of work, but I imagine that I’ll get faster as I go along. And next time, I won’t have the mic pointing towards the fridge. Oops. Rookie mistake. I nearly re-recorded the whole thing when I heard it in the background.

> Continue reading...The Black Laser Reads… Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart”

This might be the greatest e-mail I’ve ever received.

May 7, 2011 |

Thoughts

I got this last night around midnight. I guess, technically, that makes it this morning, but whatever.

I do not know how to spell. Anyways had a semi-drunk conversation with a random high school head tonight. They asked if i still talk to you. Blah blah the best part was when they said so is he still emo? My super quick response was i think that the only person emo in a conversation with joe is the person recieving his back lash and i guess you were there once.
I fucking hate the bay area and everyone here. I need to leave and never return

You wish you got e-mails this awesome.

> Continue reading...This might be the greatest e-mail I’ve ever received.