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The insufficiency of “I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry” is totally insufficient. I hate it.

But, before you start to think me a monster, let me qualify.

First, I am not saying I hate apologies. Far from it. I am a big fan of apologies. We all screw up from time to time and a sincere apology can go a long way toward making things right. Trust me: I know. We’ve all done and will do stupid things that hurt other people. Apologize. Say, “I’m sorry” and mean it. You can’t travel back to the moment of your transgression and stop it from happening, but you can acknowledge that you screwed up and take steps to correct. And, don’t forget, there are no "buts" in an apology.

Second, I am not saying that I don’t think we should sympathize with other people’s pain. The human is a communal animal and our societies and our lives are better when we try as best we can to understand what other members of our tribe are going through. Stress at work, family strife, feeling unsure about your life path, whatever it is the ability to read the emotions of others and to incorporate that understanding is key to successfully navigating life. Just think how much better things would be if the GOP had a tiny sliver of sympathy for anyone. Right? A lot better.

What I am trying to get at is that I think "I’m sorry" as a phrase to mean, "I see that you are suffering and acknowledge it and sincerely wish I could help in some way to ease that suffering" is not even close to good enough. There is too much opportunity to confuse it with the other meaning, "I have regret for the harm I caused you," particularly in a moment when emotions are heightened. You know, when you might say something like "I’m sorry".

How many times have you said "I’m sorry" to someone the former meaning, for them to say, "You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault"? And then you have to clarify with something like, "No no, what I meant was that I am sorry your teeth hurt still, not I’m sorry I made your teeth hurt because we both know I had nothing to do at all with the pain level of your teeth. However, I feel sympathy for the aches in your chompers." This is a strong signal that "I’m sorry" is not up the task we’ve set out for it.

You could try something like, "I feel you," but that could just as easily be confused with "I agree". Not good enough. It leaves us with the same lack of clarity "I’m sorry" does. Grandma died? "I feel you." Wrong.

How about "I am pained for you"? Too dramatic. Try listening to less Morrissey.

Maybe "Yeah, sure, ok, yeah, ok, uh-huh"? I’ve performed extensive testing with this option when a plus-one is telling me about some upset they experienced and it didn’t go so well. I should have just used "I’m sorry".

The French have l’esprit de l’escalier to describe that feeling you get when you leave an argument and suddenly have a whole armament of pithy retorts, too late to make use of. The Germans have schadenfreude which describes the malicious enjoyment we take in the misfortunes of others. The Danish have 2016’s hottest word hygge which the OED defines as "a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being; contentment from simple pleasures, such as warmth, food, friends, etc." Damn, that sounds pretty nice.

And we English speakers, what do we have? "I’m sorry".

Not good enough! It’s confusing! It’s imprecise! It’s wholly insufficient for the work it’s meant to do! And, I hate it. There has to be some better, clearer way to express the same sentiment as simply but without the risk of mistaking its meaning.

While we’re all stuck inside the house due to the COVID-19 shelter-in-place orders, I want you to think about what else could take the place of "I’m sorry" and get back to me by Monday. Leave good suggestions in the comments. I believe in you.


Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Le Le’s “No”

Le Le, are you going to take the honor of being hottest track of Summer 2012 after your massive success being hottest track of Summer 2010???

Were you also decent enough to give us the track in Dutch, echoing Kraftwerk’s tendency to release both German AND English versions of their songs???? YOU WERE.

Could I love Le Le any more? I have high hopes for their next album. I still listen to Flage on the regular. Watch this dang music video and get real pumped.

Reptar’s “Blastoff”

Here’s another break-up song, but more triumphant than the last one. I honestly know nothing at all about these guys and I am way too lazy to google them so you’ll have to deal with having zero description. You know what? Let’s make up a story.

Thomaz Klinglebaum, originally a member of Lithuanian EBM group Deine Ende, found himself DJing regularly in Berlin after the dissolution of his EBM group. One night after a long set of minimal tech house and gabber (strange mix, right?) he met with Anders Lutz, another DJ on the German house scene. Over a few litres of prime German beer and a pack of Nat Shermans, they discovered they both had an affinity for positive dreamy dance beats that they felt were lacking from the dour, sparse musical palate of tech house. They got together and produced the first Reptar record, releasing only a few 12″ singles of their now infamous underground sleeper hit, “A Blister’s Name.”

After their successful world tour opening for Daft Punk, Klinglebaum and Lutz went back to the studio to write their second record. When they had trouble making it come together in a fashion they were pleased with, they recruited indie rock icon Simon Spinwell, formerly of the now-defunct Possible Target, to provide soulful vocals and a little bit of flare to their recipe for musical greatness. “Blastoff” is the first single from that second record, and was inspired by Spinwell’s break up with pop starlet Angie Murch, or as people know her, Ms. Future.

See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? I bet their real story is more interesting than mine, but that would require some measure of research on my part and we all know that The Black Laser does not research. Are you still reading this?

Oh cybergoths, will you ever stop amusing me?


It would have been better if they’d been choreographed. And moved their feet more.


“So, uh, Karl, where do you want to have this tanz party?”
“Oh, how about that underpass about 3km from here?”
“Ok, yeah, uh, sure. What time?”
“I think noon is good.”


Learn to kick with the left leg too, bro.

I’ll give you one guess as to where all of these videos were made.

TIME’S UP!

If you said anything but “Germany”, I have one question for you: how does it feel to be so utterly wrong?

I kind of feel like cybergoths are Europe’s juggalos: I will never truly understand either subculture, but the members are devoted as all hell to looking like complete idiots. And, man, are cybergoths serious about what they do. Look at all these dance parties! All outside during the…day? In parks? And underpasses? And town squares?

Wait a second.

First, what is “cyber” about dancing in a park? And second, what is “goth” about the daytime? Shouldn’t all you Karls and Dieters and Manjas and Gretels and shit be dancing at night in some warehouse surrounded by technology? To me, the word “cybergoth” conjures images of your traditional goth type in some sort of William Gibson cyberpunk realm, dark and brooding and integrated into technology. Kind of like how Priss looks in Blade Runner once she’s done her make-up before Deckard smokes her. But these rainbow-dreaded, zipper-saturated, glowstick Krauts dancing badly on the lawn are not at all what I have in mind.

At what point do you think to yourself, “Man, you know what would look great and definitely get me laid like nonstop? Neon green fake dreads and a black respirator. I am going to be drowning in pussy, bro.” Not that a cybergoth has ever used the word “bro” but I thought it would add a little something to the statement.

Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I lack imagination. Maybe I am a stupid, terrible prick, but I don’t get it. I don’t understand what would drive you to this sort of thing. I understand gangs and gang violence. I understand hipsters. I understand all sorts of people. But I do not understand cybergoths. Hell, I feel like I’ve got a better grip on juggalos than I’ve got on cybergoths. Does anyone want to explain these four-on-the-floor, Hot-Topic-pants-wearing, schnitzel-eating goobers to me? I need help from you, the internet. Someone tell me why I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life laughing at these clowns. Wikipedia’s not helping at all.

And don’t even get me started on the dance moves. Holy shit. It makes me want to go to one of these clubs and bust a fucking move where I don’t just spin my arms around.

What a bunch of g-d assholes.

Bodi Bill’s “What?”

Bodi Bill are back from the wilds of Germany with this lush, beautiful video for their track “What?” What? Oh, right, what.

Anyway, last time I described their sound like an Andrew Bird house record and I think that’s still a totally true—and complimentary—description of their sound. I am tempted to call this emotional dance music because it makes me want to move, but also makes me feel wistful and inspired and all sorts of things on this ugly, rainy New York day. The song is lovely and tranquil and makes me want to seek out their record. I am listening to it on Spotify right now and I am fighting the urge to buy it on vinyl. It’ll have to wait until I get paid again. It’s really good. Really really good. You should be listening to it. Do I need to go to three “really”s to convince you?

Thanks to Anton at Sinnbus for the heads up. This is great.

Spank Rock’s “Nasty”

02 Nasty by The FADER

Charles sent this to me yesterday, but I only just listened to it a moment ago. Damn is this track fucking hot. It’s awesome while Spank Rock is doing his business, but the super secret guest who drops at 1:45 is amazing. It’s all hinted at throughout the track with the slowed down triggerman beat and any regular reader of this site will recognize the voice. Of course, you could be sneaky and read the tags to see who it is, but listen to the track and tell me you don’t move a little bit.

Booty booty booty booty rockin’ e’rywhere.

A side note, it makes me laugh to post this directly after posting Agoraphobic Nosebleed.

Vinyl and Me and You and Everyone

This last weekend I officially joined the growing vinyl devolution. If you follow my Twitter, then you probably know I had been pondering the acquisition of a turntable for a little while after numerous record-shopping trips with my friend Charles. People are so excited about buying actual records these days that I couldn’t stay away from it, which I think is pretty funny. We’re seeing a backlash against the ephemeral nature of digital goods with people embracing hand-made objects, learning to repair things, the maker movement, and the resurgence of vinyl as examples. I don’t mean this in some hipster-bashing, forced-irony way either (regular readers will know that I do not endorse hipster bashing). I really think that with the proliferation of intangible digital goods people yearn to have something physical to hold on to, to touch, to embrace. Vinyl is fulfilling that need in people while also giving you some bitchin’ jams to listen to. Sure, it’s awesome to have 80 billion songs in your iPod, but there’s something much more engrossing about actually listening to a record on vinyl, cd, tape, 8-track, wax cylinder, whatever—a sentiment previously expressed by Señor Vestal.

As I may have noted here before, music really changed for me when I stopped driving. In California, I would drive all over the place, as people do all the while listening to CDs and casettes. The duration of the drives and my desire not to get into an accident while changing the music created a near optimal album-listening environment. There exists a divide between the music I listened to in the 90s while living in California, and the music I have discovered since I moved to NY in 2001. I have a better sense of the older music as a whole, as an album, if that makes sense. The songs on those older records exist as parts of a greater whole not just because I’ve been listening to them longer, but because I would experience the albums as a unit. Music since the file-based shift exists as disassociated tracks, rarely incorporated into large album groups in my musical awareness. Splintered, fractured, split, current musical acquisitions float by rarely anchored. I find that disappointing. There’s a reason your favorite musician put those tracks in that order on the album. I want to be privy to that reason.

But back to the actual purchasing of vinyl. Going around with Charles, it seemed like such a fun thing that I was missing out on for no good reason. I have always loved record shops and the act of searching for records is sometimes more fun than owning them. There is something unmistakeable about browsing through bins of music, hunting for hidden gems and surprises, never quite sure what you’re going to find. You never get that experience online. It’s too streamlined, too inorganic. But flipping through albums in the store is exciting and fun. And if you’re going to be buying music rather than just pirating it from the old interwebs, then you might as well be getting your music on vinyl. CDs kind of suck and I still refuse to buy MP3s, so where should I go? Vinyl!

But what’s a turntable without records to play? A paperweight. So what did I get? With the purchase of the turntable at Permanent Records in Greenpoint, I got three albums.

The Viking of Sixth Avenue – Moondog 2004

Permanent Records has a Moondog section. Let me repeat that: Permanent Records has a MOONDOG SECTION. It’s like they were all, “Joe, you will be buying this. We love you. We have always loved you,” and then they swallowed my soul and brought me back from the dead as a ghastly beast with a thirst for human flesh.

If you are unfamiliar with Moondog (and you shouldn’t be), then you should know that he was an avant-garde street musician in the mid-20th Century who would perform his music on self-made instruments. He was a mad genius with some whacky social ideas who nevertheless created some of the most interesting, most recognizable music of the last century. You’ve probably heard his music around but never known. For example, this piece.

Right? You’ve heard it somewhere mixed into something before.

The album is incredible. You should listen to this right now. You will not be upset by it.

Exotica – Martin Denny 1958

Martin Denny’s 1957 album Exotica is, arguably, the album that launched the whole Exotica craze in the US in the late 50s and early 60s. It certainly gave the movement a name and laid the groundwork for a highly polarizing moment in musical history. I am quite a huge Exotica fan, having been introduced to it in college by my dear friend Jesse. So the prospect of owning this record (for a mere 7 dollars!) was irresistible.

One note, I got the 1958 stereo-rerecording without Arthur Lyman who had left Denny’s band to strike out on his own swath of Exotica creation. Though Denny preferred the original monaural recording, I like the stereo a lot. Stereo was still fresh in the recording engineer’s bag of tricks and they really go out of their way to play with stereo placement which, when pumped through a 5.1 surround system like mine, sounds pretty damned amazing. There are birds all over the place.

Odessey & Oracle – The Zombies 1968

Odessey & Oracle stands next to The Kinks’ Village Green Preservation Society as one of my favorite late-60s British rock albums. Every track is excellent. It was a must-own for me. I’ve purchased this album before as a double-disc CD with a bunch of alternate mixes and demo versions, but when considering which records to get initially I just sort of felt like I needed to have it in my house.

Nina also walked away from Permanent Records with a 1 dollar Village People record so she could listen to their song called “Roommate”. It was worth her dollar, no doubt.

Then on Wednesday after brunching with Nina at 5 Leaves, we had some time to kill before Cut Copy and wandered down to Sound Fix in Williamsburg to liberate myself of yet more cash. Here’s what I walked away with.

Noble Beast – Andrew Bird 2009

What can I say about this album? Most of my most regularly listened to music on my iPod has playcounts in the low teens, but this one is in the high 60s which doesn’t include the number of times I’ve listened to it at home. If you could wear out MP3s, I’d have worn out my MP3s of Noble Beast. It was a natural choice for the home vinyl collection and worth every dollar I’ve spent on it both times. This album is definitely one of my newer acquisitions that has found a root in my brain as a complete unit. If you’ve never heard Andrew Bird before, you owe it to yourself to get a copy of this one.

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea & On Avery Island – Neutral Milk Hotel 1998, 1996

I had never actually purchased either of these albums before and I felt like it was the right thing to do. Also, In The Aeroplane Over the Sea is stupidly awesome. Like, forget it, get the hell out, you’re done amazing. It was a late-90s gem that slipped past me at the time. I was only introduced to it by my brother Charlie in the mid-Aughts and was mad I’d been missing out on it for so long. A great sing-along record. Everyone should own a copy.

I bought On Avery Island because it was there even though I consider it a lesser album. Really, I guess it’s my small way of encouraging Jeff Magnum to continue doing shows because I would love to see this music played live.

Ask Forgiveness – Bonnie “Prince” Billy 2007

I bought this record for one reason: his cover of Danzig’s Am I Demon. That’s it. Well worth the price. The rest of the EP is good too, but for me Am I Demon is the star of the 8-song show.

Streetcleaner – Godflesh 1989

And sooooooo I took a turn for the heavy.

Godflesh is Justin Broadrick’s industrial project and one of the first groups to really incorporate electronic elements with crushingly heavy music. He even played drums for Napalm Death on Scum which basically makes him Grindcore royalty (if such a thing exists). I’ve never really gotten into Godflesh that much before, but when I saw this I knew I needed to take it home with me. I’d seen the “Crush My Soul” video on the old Earache My Eye tape, but never really delved too deeply into their work as a teenager. Yet, now, here I am with a much greater love of electronic music, a heavier palette, and purchasing old LPs. It seemed perfect to take home an industrial record from 1989. I’ve given it a listem and I was totally right. It’s tight, heavy, and crushing. For a fan of old school electro and old school metal, this is the perfect synthesis of the two.

Fortress – Protest The Hero 2008

I have to admit that this isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I will qualify that by saying that this is one of my favorite metal records of the last decade. No, it is not that I didn’t want to own this particular album—I did and I do—but what I really wanted was a copy of their newest album Scurrilous which just came out at the end of March. Unfortunately there is no way to get it on vinyl so I am stuck with the shitty MP3s Charlie sent me until I can get it. Bummer. Nevertheless, Fortess slays and I am glad to have it in my collection.

So there we are. That is my initial round of vinyl purchases. Will the addition of a turntable make me stop buying CDs? Probably not, but I haven’t really been buying a lot of CDs the last year and a half anyway, so it is not likely to affect something I’ve already slowed down on. Will this become a cash sink into which I throw all of my expendable income? You bet your sweet ass it will. I am enjoying it immensely already and had to fight not to order Computerwelt from the German eBay today. Keep coming back and I’ll keep posting my acquisitions as I acquire them. I hope it will be as fun for you and it is for me.

CVC Designs – It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Every year my friend Charles of Better Names for Baby, http://fuckyeahcharlesvestal.tumblr.com/, and A Year of Record fame releases a Christmas compilation of original Christmas songs by his friends. This year, I contributed one and a half songs: one I did with Charles called “TANZEN” and one I did by myself called “Robots Destroyed Christmas”. For those of you involved in my musical history, you will recognize that robots destroying things is a very very common theme in my music. I don’t know why, I don’t care why. It will no doubt continue to permeate everything I do in life.

Want to hear the two tracks I worked on? Here you go.

TANZEN–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/13%20___FROHLICHE%20WEINACHTEN___%20-%20TANZEN%20%28Radio%20Edit%29.mp3|artists=FROHLICHE WEINACHTEN|titles=TANZEN]

“TANZEN” (German for Dance) was inspired by a conversation Charles and I were having one night at the Gypsy bar. We thought it would be funny to write a dance track where the only lines were “Ich bin Santa. Du bist ein Elf.” For those of you who don’t speak German (like me), that just means “I am Santa. You are an Elf.” The chorus is just “tanzen” repeated, encouraging the listener to get on the floor and shake dat ass with yuletide cheer. Later we incorporated the Frau Claus verse, the Ich liebe Rudolph movement, and the vocoder interlude. I think, for an afternoon’s hungover work, it came out pretty well. It makes me laugh.

Robots Destroyed Christmas–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/14%20The%20Black%20Laser%20-%20Robots%20destroyed%20Christmas.mp3|artists=The Black Laser|titles=Robots Destroyed Christmas]

The production of this track was much more involved than “TANZEN” mostly because this is the first real track I’ve ever produced in Logic so I had to learn how to make things work. There was a whole hell of a lot of dicking around and noodling with sounds and trying to get things balanced. It also highlighted the need for a subwoofer for my computer if I am going to continue to make music on it. I can hear everything in the mid and high ranges quite nicely, but the rich low end I so desperately crave and is so vital to a decent mix eludes me. I apologize if this kills your sub. It shouldn’t.

In this track I wanted to explore a few Christmas-y themes: fire, death, robots, snow, blood. These are things we commonly associate with Christmas time and I thought that bringing them all together in one, hard-edged place that makes you want to dance was a good idea for the benefit of humanity. I think I accomplished something with this that I will be able to expand upon in further pieces of music about robots destroying things.

Now that I’ve given you a taste of the 14 tracks on the album, go get a copy here: It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Be sure to check out the track by mitzidodge too. Enjoy!