Posts tagged as “Mom”

Previously I had discussed the little game I play with myself in the elevators in the morning, but recently I have been playing a new game I refer to a the “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” game. The game involves walking in the front door in the morning and walking by the security table, making eye contact with the girl at the desk, and purposefully not swiping my security card. Technically, we are supposed to swipe our cards every time we enter the building, but, ever the shit disturber, I try to see how far I can get without swiping my card.

Typically I am pretty successful when the girl is working. She is very lax with people she knows work here, which includes me. Awesome. When the other maintenance guys are in the lobby, I swipe my card because I don’t really want to get her in trouble with them or get grief from them. When it’s a new guy (there seem to be random guys kind of regularly) I swipe my card. But, I’d say about 90% of the time I can walk straight in sans card-swipe.

I imagine that this is thrilling information for everyone, but this is my goddamned website, so deal. I spent a lot of time grounded when I was a kids (deservedly so) and have thus figured out myriad ways to entertain myself all the time. It’s good fun. Being grounded builds character.

Also, another random thought, whenever I say the word “goddamn” or the phrase “goddamn it”, I can’t help but think of my mother because this is easily her favorite curse. And since I spent much of my childhood pissing her off, I heard “Goddamn it, Joseph Michael!” frequently. Very frequently. I will catch myself using it in the exact same way and then I think of her while I’m all pissed off and it feels really weird because I like my mom and being all pissed about something and thinking randomly of something you like is a weird sensation, like laughing when you’ve hurt yourself which I also do, or eating something and expecting one texture and getting a completely different one.

Hi mom! Love you!