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Tag: Iceland

Like a colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice

Remember the Dollar Shave Club spot posted previously? Well, here we have an ad (of specious legitimacy) for a brand of Lithuanian mineral water called Vytautas. And boy is it ever a great ad. Even if it isn’t real (it isn’t), it’s great (it is).

Let’s make a list of all the things I like about it.

  • Yelling.
  • Polar bear riding a laser-spewing orca.
  • Birds and fish.
  • Digest bricks, leather jackets, richest cuisine, Icelandic cuisine, and this goat on a boat.
  • Pig & iPad sandwich.
  • 1 milk. 1 banana. 1 jet fighter you knocked from the sky with a crossbow.
  • Electric eel.
  • Freddie Mercury.
  • Time travel.
  • Screaming bunny.
  • Sexy like a tiger in a Bucati powered by liquified thoughts of the universe.
  • Panda gang rape.
  • Give a negative fuck.
  • The description of the taste.
  • Guy riding a buffalo riding an ATV.
  • Colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice.
  • Tractor sex.
  • Boobs or cheese? SMART CHOICE.

Did you get all that? Good. Now watch it again. Love.

On the topic of vacations

I’ve recently felt a very strong urge to vacate on a solo mission. I want to just go by myself and get the fuck out of Brooklyn for a minute and see what sort of adventure I can have when I’m all by myself. I have solo missions here all the time and I quite like them, but I’d like to try doing it somewhere totally foreign to me. The only thing limiting me is my inability to speak anything but English. OOPS. So where do I go?

Reykyavik, Iceland – Seems pretty awesome and I should be able to get by. I’ve wanted to go and I think the opportunity to eat puffin and sheep’s face is pretty attractive. The country is beautiful and getting there is not difficult.

Berlin – Jesse has been harping on me to go to Berlin for about a hundred years. The model of efficiency he says. Everything’s on time he says. You can drink beer for breakfast he says. They have metal bars all over he says. These things all seem good to me and it will come with the added bonus of never having to hear him tell me I should go to Berlin ever again.

Italia – This was on the docket from late last year but I am not sure it’s going to work out. I was going to go visit someone, but it seems like there won’t be time for it which is very very disappointing and I would have a hard time wandering around trying to understand what the hell people are talking about.

Japan – I am convinced that this would be like visiting the future, and what better place for The Space Pope than the future? This is easily the most expensive of the ideas I am throwing around right now and as such probably the least likely.

Vancouver – I’ve always heard that this is the coolest city in America’s Hat and I would like to see it. I love Montreal a lot, and though they are very different, I would like to explore it and the nature surrounding it. I would watch a hockey game and sit on the beach and read with a parka on. Sounds lovely to me.

Buenos Aires – I can probably fumble through my shitty Spanish down in Argentina. I just want to eat red meat and drink red wine.

Thoughts, Black Laserites? Where should the Space Pope venture off to by his lonesome?

Múm’s “Sing Along”

Dear Iceland,

Thank you for being so weird.

Sincerely,

The Black Laser.