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Posts tagged as “Get Drunk Tonight”

Get Drunk Tonight – TBD

August 19, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

TBD – Greenpoint, Brooklyn (Franklin & Green St)

Suppose that it is a nice day outside and you think to yourself, “What would be better right now than ruining the rest of my day by getting way too drunk after forgetting to eat anything? Oh, right. Nothing. Where to do my day drinking?!” And then you start to think of different places you might want to go have a drink or 17. Berry Park is full of shit heads. Nope. Radegast is terminally full. Nope. Ditto for Spitzenhaus. Nope. Loreley in Williamsburg is stuck under the freeway and the service sucks. Nope. Loreley in Manhattan is ok but tiny and gets packed. Nope. Züm Schneiders only has seating on the street which is not my favorite thing. Nope. The Bohemian Beer Garden is a bear to get to. Nope. Beer Island is great, but Coney Island is similarly hard to get to. Nope.

Where is a man with the desire to ruin his day supposed to go? The answer is TBD. Oh, how I love TBD on a perfect afternoon. The first drunken Sunday at TBD of the year is the sign that winter has broken and warmer days are ahead. This year it happened in April. I look forward to it.

Saddled with an unfortunate name and an even more unfortunate interior, one quick glance in the door at TBD and you might think, “No way, Get Drunk Tonight, you’re full of shit.” But trust me here. Go inside. And then go all the way to the back past the ping pong table, past the shitty furniture, past the bathrooms, and out in the glorious backyard fill with umbrellad picnic tables. It is a magical wonderland of empty tables and quiet and sunshine. It’s one of my favorite places to while away an afternoon with a couple good friends, my credit card at the bar, and a plan to be asleep at my house by 10pm.

TBD always has a good selection of interesting beers, usually one per variety so your palate will be tickled. They also have a grill in the back which is good, but can take quite a long time which is not a problem, of course, if you’re settling in to spend the next 6 hours assaulting your liver with foamy beer sodas. It’s a little out of the way for Manhattanites, but right near the Greenpoint G for those of you who live in real places. It’s never so packed you can’t find a table. The crowd is relaxed and diverse. TBD is just a great place to get your drink on. Just don’t go during the winter. The inside is the worst.

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Get Drunk Tonight – The Turkey’s Nest

July 29, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

The Turkey’s Nest – Williamsburg, Brooklyn (N 12th St & Bedford Ave)

Have you ever been to North Brooklyn? Do you have a friend there? Have you ever passed through? Have you spent even ten minutes in McCarren Park? Then you’ve probably passed The Turkey’s Nest. You might have even been inside to order a conveniently styrofoam-cupped beer or margarita (get the one with absinth) for quenching your thirst in the nearby park. But have you ever actually hung out there? I mean, like, have you ever actually gone to The Turkey’s Nest to tie one on and remind yourself that while life is fleeting, sometimes it’s best not to remember parts of it for your own longterm psychological well-being? I bet you haven’t.

In stark contrast to newer Williamsburg’s hip bars with their bullshit dim lights and fancy drinks and bartenders who will actually talk to you, The Turkey’s Nest is a grim, unwelcoming reminder of the neighborhood’s past and I love it. I don’t like it at all, but I love it. If you’re looking for a place to sit with the lights on, drinking yourself into oblivion, not talking to anyone, and maybe watching sports, this place is your place. If you want to play pool with an aggressive dude and his weird mute girlfriend on what might be the neighborhood’s shittiest, smallest, most fucked up pool table, this is your place. If you want to get your drink on without the slightest bit of pretense that what you’re doing is anything but slow suicide (come on, we’ve all been there), this is your place.

You’ll never take a date to The Turkey’s Nest. You might go there with a girl—or guy if that’s your thing—and you might have been on a date beforehand, but crossing the threshold into the darkened world that is The Turkey’s Nest is the termination of your date. You might not even talk to each other again. That’s the sort of place The Turkey’s Nest is. It’s a destroyer of dreams, a breaker of homes, a shatterer of lives. You want a Super Big Gulp sized Budweiser? Sure you do. You want 3 shots of Jäger in a plastic cup? You can have that too. You want a fancy drink and a smile? Get the fuck out, asshole. Go to some trendy bitch bar.

I love The Turkey’s Nest and I hate The Turkey’s Nest. It is varsity level drinking at its worst and it serves a valuable role in an increasingly safe and boring neighborhood. When you are looking for a place where you will receive absolutely no bullshit, this is your place. Welcome, but you aren’t my friend. Get a drink and shut the fuck up.

If you are moved by this post to visit The Turkey’s Nest, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Thanks.

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Get Drunk Tonight – The Cubbyhole

May 27, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

The Cubby Hole – West Village, NYC (West 4th St & West 12th St)

A few weeks ago I was talking to a recently-out-of-the-closet friend of mine who told me that she felt intimidated by The Cubby Hole. She felt like she was bad at talking to women. She worried that she’d clam up when faced with a woman she was interested in. Immediately I said that I would be her wingman to The Cubby Hole for some good old fashioned lesbian hunting. I mean, why not? I’m good at talking to strangers, strangers who happen to be women, and I am certainly not off-put by the idea of going to the gay bar. Never have been. Why would I be? That’s crazy talk. Never mind that The Cubby Hole has to be one of the most fun, most ridiculous, most friendly bars in all five boroughs.

I have never had anything but an awesome time here and I’ve made friends every single time. It’s consistently a fun, lively crowd who are there to get their drank on, get their sang on, and get fucking Rowdy Roddy Piper. The bar is decorated with a maddening array of colored tchotchkes and baubles hanging from the ceiling which coupled with the inevitable crowds lends the bar a particularly claustrophobic, womb-like atmosphere. So, yeah, sure, it can get crowded and they’re cash only (ATM’s around the corner, homie), but if you go on a week night or early on the weekend and can secure a spot at the bar, you’ll be in for a wild, wooly night that will reinvigorate your faith in mankind’s ability to have a good, silly time, particularly after spending weeks surrounded by a bunch of tired, old, depressing drunks at your local dive. And seriously, who cares if it’s crowded? Stop being such a softie and man-up to the best lesbian bar in town. Check the Cubby Hole out with your favorite lesbians, listen to some Gaga on the jukebox or Guns N’ Roses or whatever the hell they’ll be playing, and make a friend. Your life will be better for it. Just don’t be an asshole and pull anything off the ceiling. They don’t like that.

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Get Drunk Tonight – Saint Vitus

May 20, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

Saint Vitus – Greenpoint, Brooklyn (Manhattan Ave @ Clay St.)

I have often said about Duff’s in Williamsburg that if someone had come along and offered 13 year old metalhead Joe money to decorate a bar, that Duff’s is exactly what I would have designed: dark, red lights, tits, horror movies on the television, metal blaring through the jukebox. Unfortunately I am no longer 13 and as much as I enjoy the ridiculous stereotypical metalheadness of Duff’s, sometimes I want a place I won’t be embarrassed to take a date but where I can still listen to heavy metal. Enter Saint Vitus.

A recent addition to Greenpoint’s myriad watering holes, Saint Vitus is a collaborative effort behind some dudes from Anella and Matchless who had the brilliant idea of creating a bar that is exactly what a 28 year old metalhead me would have designed if given the cash. Saint Vitus is a metal bar for grown ups and I love it. Whether you’re there to enjoy their line-up of local draught beer (Kelso, Sixpoint, Brooklyn) or to get shit faced on one of the many drink specials such as The Pope (Coors Banquet tallboy + a shot of Evan Williams + a pickleback), this place does not disappoint.

A seasoned drinker such as myself doesn’t feel odd sitting alone at the bar enjoying a solitary drink, even when surrounded by groups of folks there with the clear intention of making a night of it. Since this place is basically at the end of the world on Clay and Manhattan, I’ve never seen it so crowded that I find it obnoxious. Yet, the neighborhood seems to be genuinely excited about its opening and you’ll find a lively crowd there even on weeknights. And they play fucking Slayer and Iron Maiden all the time?! Holy shit, I love this place. I even heard Gojira the first time I went, which, if you are a fan of metal, you will know is some heavy shit. And I mean heavy as in HEAVY and heavy as in DEEP. Go alone. Go with friends. I don’t care. Just go. And eat a pork bun while you’re at it. Just look for the unadorned black store front with no sign.

In other good news, The Black Laser is now syndicated! Go read Vox Critica or perish!

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