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Tag: Gardner

The Great Lucky Charms Challenge of 2009

Gardner, who I’ve discussed before on The Black Laser, loves pranks. Loves them. He also loves mischief making and bets with people to get them to do outrageous things. He’s a good natured troublemaker, and also a complete pain in the ass sometimes. For instance, I remember one night I was at work making copies of tapes or something and he calls me.

He says, “Hey dude, will you get a tattoo with me?”

I say, “I’m at working, but I’ll go with you, sure.”

“No,” he says, “we have to get the same tattoo.”

“Fuck you,” I say, “I’ll go with you, but I’m sure as hell not getting a tattoo with you. What are you getting tattooed?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

“Wait. You mean, you wanted me to get a matching secret tattoo with you of something you won’t even reveal to me?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“You’re fucking nuts. But I’ll still go with you.”

I meet him and this girl in Washington Square Park and we head over to one of the myriad tattoo parlors in the West Village. Along the way he refused to tell me what he was getting tattooed. When we had selected a fine establishment, the girl and I waited in the waiting area and Gardner went into the back. I convinced her to tell me what he was getting at about the same moment I could see but not hear him describe it to the guy doing the ink. The guy looked at him, laughed, shook his head and went to work.

You know what he got? He got this. Even more hilarious, he went swimming before it fully healed and half the tattoo washed off. Hah!

Anyway, this was all just a preamble to the real story here. Gardner called me last year and asked me to make the most horrifying Lucky Charms based image I could think of. He had challenged a girl at work that she couldn’t eat only Lucky Charms for 7 days. It doesn’t sound all that bad, but if you think about it, it’s terrible. I won’t even eat Lucky Charms for ONE meal, much less for an entire week. What happened was epic, but don’t let me ruin it for you. Instead, enjoy this video.

Following up on a post made yesterday concerning rap-rave music from South Africa

Yesterday, before posting Die Antwoord’s music videos, I sent them to my friend Gardner, absolutely sure that he would enjoy them. I was, of course, right. He loved the hell out of them right away. And, being Gardner, what does he do? He finds the band’s e-mail and send them an e-mail about how awesome they are.

To: Die Antwoord
From: Gardner Loulan
Subject: You are now my gods.

I just came across your stuff via my friends blog and I am totally obsessed now. I was a VJ for MTV Networks in the US a few years ago and have a knack for getting excited about the next level of music and you are it. It’s like you’re bitch slapping Lady Gaga while melting The Knife in her propelled by The Sounds and blowing up Golgol Bordello with an M.I.A. bomb—- putting them all int he past and back together again in the future where you clearly reside.

Well done,
-Gardner Loulan

Now, one usually expects this sort of missive to go unnoticed or unreplied to. But did it? Of course not!

From: Die Antwoord
To: Gardner Loulan

what a FUCKIN nice thing to say
we fuckin love you for saying this

once my blaar!


This trifecta of e-mails was completed with a brief note from Gardner to me.

To: Me
From: Gardner Loulan

My day is now complete.

Awesome. Thank you, internet, for allowing us to have such remarkable instantaneous contact with such diverse people from all around the world. Though we often take it for granted, the ease with which we can communicate with folks from such places as far from us as South Africa is truly incredible.

And also thanks, Die Antwoord, for being cool enough to respond to Gardner.

And thanks, Gardner, for being enthusiastic enough about everything to go out of your way, if only a little bit, to track these dudes down.

If you haven’t yet watched the music videos below, do. And get yourself to Die Antwoord’s website and listen to their, frankly, amazing debut streaming in its entirety. Go now!

Die Antwoord’s “Zef Side” and “Enter The Ninja”, South African rap-rave at its finest?

I sent these to my friend Gardner earlier and we couldn’t decide if this was real or some elaborate performance. The consensus right now, based almost solely on the horrible tattoos of the frontman, is that it’s real.


Did you get that? Real. Holy living fuck. And you know what? Even if it isn’t real, it’s so fucking brilliant that it’s STILL amazing.

This shit is too awesome for words. I can’t even begin to list off all the things I love about this. The closest thing I can reference is Tripmeister Eder Tutenchamun’s “Goa Goa MPU, Ja!” or Deichkind’s body of work.

Check out their website. Die Antwoord

I need more music like this. Who can help me out?

Thanks for adding this bit of brightness to my life, Boing Boing!

Gardner Goes To The Future

Gardner has been flying all over the world making quirky travel videos for the web. His most recent effort comes to the same conclusion I’ve made here on The Black Laser: JAPAN IS THE FUTURE.

Watch the video. It will make you laugh and possibly cry. I did a little of both.

One criticism though, Gardner, if you can afford to fly to Japan and make videos of it, and, indeed, intend to continue this series of short films, then surely you can afford a 150 dollar USB audio interface and a microphone for your computer? Make it happen. The record quality of your VO is atrocious. You’ve got Soundtrack on your computer. Use it. I love you.

Dear Gardner…

…thank you for the most wonderful photo montage I have ever seen.


No seriously, this warms my heart. God must be having a party right now.

Gardner vs CA Prop 8

Gardner has some very strong feelings on the passing of Prop 8 in California, the roots of which will become quite clear when you watch his video. And rightly he should. It’s an important issue back in my home state, one which has ramifications across the entire country. It’s a battle between rationality and fear, between fairness and cruelty, between allowing people dignity as human beings and taking away their rights based on the misinterpreted words of someone who I am pretty sure would have been in support of gay marriage.

I think my feelings on the whole thing are clear. It is not right for people’s rights to be taken away. Whatever you feel about gay marriage, the issue has deeper implications on our society and the casual erosion of our civil liberties over the last decade. Laws should definite people’s rights, keep people safe, and act as a guide for society to run smoothly; they should not REMOVE A RIGHT THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN GRANTED. Imagine if a group of people put an item on a ballot to take away women’s right to vote, or turned black people back into property. Totally absurd, right? Proposition 8 was the same thing, all in the misguided name of “religion” and “morality” and “family values”. What a crock of shit.


When I see fundamentalist Christians up in arms about issues like this, I have to wonder, “Have you ever read the Bible? Did you hear the message of Christ? You know, love everyone and all that jazz? Do you remember the part where Jesus was all, ‘Hey guys, don’t pay attention to that OLD Testament. I’m the hot NEW TESTAMENT’ and yet all of your fear-mongering, hate-spreading nonsense is based on like four passages buried deep in the Old Testament?”

GUESS WHAT GUYS, GOD DOESN’T HATE FAGS. I grew up Catholic, attended Catholic school between Preschool and 12th Grade, have a great-uncle who was a priest, a great-aunt who is a nun, and I’m pretty sure that the Christian God is a God of peace and love. He doesn’t hate anyone. At all. Anywhere. That’s the whole thing: GOD LOVES EVERYONE. Even if you don’t believe in God (I don’t), you have to admit that Christians believe that God loves everyone. No questions asked. Anyone who calls themselves a Christian and acts in a contrary way is wrong.

Also, God doesn’t hate science, so you guys can drop that idiocy too. Evolution is real. The Earth is older than 6000 years old. I mean, really, saying, “Well Gee, the world is very complex, so there’s no way that it wasn’t designed,” is not only stupid but it’s just plain bad logic. It’s all metaphor, people.


Anyway, check out Gardner and help our brothers and sister get their rights back in the state of California.

My friend Gardner is a huge dork.

But he also happens to be perfectly suited to his current line of work: a television host. I just saw this video linked on his Facebook page and I thought it too perfectly represented him not to post it for everyone (read: the 10 people who read this site) to see.

If you live in LA and have never seen his show, “1st Look” on NBC, check it out. I don’t know what it is or what it’s about except that it is an unquestionably perfect vehicle for his brand of lunacy.

And, if you haven’t yet, buy yourself a copy of the film he and I did together as director and editor respectively. Go now!