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Have you seen my sister’s sickeningly adorable blog?

This is my sister Christina.

She works for eBay and has a blog (linked on the right) called Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. It is named that because her nickname is Kissie. Get it?

In stark and violent contrast to The Black Laser, Christina’s blog’s content is comprised mostly of random love letters, cute things, and country music videos, whereas The Black Laser is all metal, weirdness, and dirty electro beats. Here are a few headlines that I think really encapsulate what her blog is about.

Ok, so that last one isn’t really one of her posts, but you get the idea.

Even her “About Me page is adorable. I quote:

Hi!

Feb. 3, 2010

Spread love.

Jan. 6, 2010

I felt the urge to express my love for great wine, amazing beer and delicious food that goes along with it. I have a pretty good sense of the kinds of wine and beer I like, although I’m always learning. I am currently working on my taste for whiskey. Hopefully I will soon be knowledgeable on the subject because it is just so delicious.

Nov. 29, 2010

Continuing this life journey on my blog. It’s funny to see how after 315 posts and a year + a couple months my life has changed. Here is to new adventures and new stories.

March 2, 2010

A little more about me:

I have a passion for numbers and the way the mind works, but I’m not just limited to that. I have a passion for technology and innovation. I’m an early adopter. I love new gizmos and gadgets. I am quick to learn. I like to fiddle around with and read about programs until I understand and can use them.

I like to keep busy and do productive things with my time. I hope that I can make the next generation just a little bit tougher by coaching them [and making them run the floor]. I love competition. I want to be a mentor.

For me success is creating a life that will be comfortable for me and my [far] future family while being vehement for what I do and the people around me.

September 18, 2009

As I enter into this blogosphere, I realize there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions of blogs out there. I’d be lucky to have more than one reader – Isa. So please enjoy!

I’m a recent graduate from the University of Oregon living back in the San Francisco area, getting my life on track! Killing time by writing things down…

There is a mixture of humor and seriousness in my blog. I hope you find the funny postings funny and the not so funny ones interesting or intriguing. Thanks for reading!

Right? Who knew that yours truly and she could come from the same gene pool?

When you’re feeling tired of the unrelenting weirdness pouring forth from The Black Laser, take a little vacation on over to Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and let your heart be warmed. The Space Pope knows we all get a little tired of The Black Laser now and then, so don’t let yourself feel bad with letting Christina help you take off the edge.

Girl Walk // All Day

I have an interesting relationship with dance. As a thing to do, I love it. Unabashedly so. If you and I have not gone dancing together, we should, because it’s fucking awesome and fun and great exercise and all that shit. As an art form, I’ve never really been able to get into it, particularly with interpretive dance. I just don’t get it at all. I’ve tried, oh lord how I’ve tried, but it’s just not for me. Anyone out there willing to prove me wrong? I’d be happy to learn.

Girl Walk // All Day is a preview of a film that combines my love of dancing with a presentation of dance on the State Island ferry and terminal and the music of Girl Talk

Here’s what the creators say about it.

What is Girl Walk // All Day?

We’re making an epic, 71-minute dance music video set to All Day, the new album by mash-up musician Girl Talk (aka Gregg Gillis). The idea behind Girl Walk // All Day emerged from our desire to expand the boundaries around the idea of the traditional music video, which usually spans the length of a single track. This album-length piece will feature a talented group of dancers across a range of public and private spaces around New York City, turning the city’s sidewalks and obstacles into part of an evolving improvisational dance routine.

The piece will be available for free online in short, serialized segments and we also plan to screen the full-length film in public spaces, and at festivals, concerts, parties, and beyond, inspiring an interactive viewing experience that will evolve into a series of dance parties around the globe.

I’m totally in love with it. It is just great. I only wish I could be one of the dancers. I feel confident that I could do this. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this little preview of what is going to become a 70 minute film so much that I nearly sent them funds on their kickstarter project. The only reason I didn’t is because they’re already at double their goal with 38 days left for donations.

Check this shit out. I can’t wait to see the finished thing. If you feel compelled, kick them a few bucks. I might end up doing so.

A collection of Time Travel-themed cooking show recipes.

Charles:

  • moebius tortilla strip soups
  • Emmet Brown Gravy
  • Paradoxtail Soup
  • oyakodon (killing your grandfather)
  • Bok Choi the Future
  • 12 Monkey Lime Pie
  • Le Jetee and Cake
  • Bill and Ted’s Egg Salad Adventure
  • the butterball effect
  • Donnie Dark Meat
  • Ground Chuck Day
  • The Philadelphia Cream Cheese Experiment
  • Terminator 2: Fudgement Day
  • Freejack and Coke (cocktails!)
  • prince of persia: the naan of time

Me:

  • Morlock Burgers.
  • Flux Capacitor Carpaccio.
  • Emmet Brown Gravy and (I didn’t finish because we both wrote it at the same time)
  • H.G. Wellington.
  • Black Hole Pudding.
  • The Sound of Thunder Nachos.
  • Time Bandits & Cream.
  • Bacon to The Future.
  • Thyme Bandits
  • Bill and Ted’s Bogus Jerkey.
  • Tart Trek : Generations.

The Theme for 2011

After the unmitigated disaster that was my Theme for 2010, it’s time to reevaluate the way I intend to approach 2011. But first, let’s explore what I set out to do for 2010 and where I think everything went wrong because, without exaggeration, everything went wrong.

The thing you’ll notice first when looking over at the tally for the year in the right hand column is that I accomplished basically nothing of what I intended at this time last year. My grand plans to write something substantial every single month AND make three music videos fell right through the floor. Whose fault is that? Mine, of course. But, the other question is am I upset about it? Nope. Not at all.

Where was all the work? It was there, but not in the places I intended. 2010 was a very busy year for me professionally and with other personal projects. As it turned out, I engaged in a ton of projects through the year.

What the hell did I spend all year doing? Well, I cut a film, 6 other videos, a bunch of commercials, I took the whole summer off, I moved out of my old apartment and adjusted to life as a single man, I traveled around the country, I reconnected with old friends, I made new friends, I made music, I partied way too much, and who knows what else. The bottom line is that I was busy busy busy and I enjoyed (almost) every moment of it.

So, I didn’t get the things done I wanted to get done this year, but in the face of a major shift in my life, I was able to accomplish a number of other things. I feel good about how 2010 turned out overall and have no complaints. Sure, in retrospect I could have slowed my roll a little bit and gotten more done, but I needed to get it out of my system too. I also think that the important part about the theme is not that I make something specific, but that I make something no matter what it is. The idea is to be creatively active, engaged, making things.

The theme for 2011 will be…

The Year of 12 Projects (and Slowing My Roll)

What does this entail? Simple. For each month of the year I will do something creative that requires more than one sitting. It’s not going to be one-per-month to allow for me to do 2 at once or skip a month if needed, but as there are 12 months in the year, so will I walk into 2012 with 12 projects finished. What the scope or nature of these projects will be I cannot say. The only requirement is that they are creative. It could be anything. Right off the bat, I am thinking of redesigning The Black Laser, getting josephdillingham.com up and running, a short story set in OUTER SPACE!!!!, some music, a music video for my friend Mandy, and whatever the hell else my brain comes up with. Make make make.

The other half of the theme is to slow my roll. If you don’t understand what I mean, it can be boiled down to two words: party less. I’ve gone a little nuts this year and it’s taking its toll on me. It’s been the default mode for me this year. When I don’t have anything to do, I go out. Bad news. I need to figure out ways to entertain myself that don’t end with an empty wallet and a scarred liver. Common sense, I think. Besides, I have some trips planned for later this year and it would be nice to be able to afford them.

There it is. Look out for posts tagged “The Year of 12 Projects”. When the first one is done, I will make a new box on the right. Or I won’t. Wouldn’t you like to know?!?!

CVC Designs – It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Every year my friend Charles of Better Names for Baby, http://fuckyeahcharlesvestal.tumblr.com/, and A Year of Record fame releases a Christmas compilation of original Christmas songs by his friends. This year, I contributed one and a half songs: one I did with Charles called “TANZEN” and one I did by myself called “Robots Destroyed Christmas”. For those of you involved in my musical history, you will recognize that robots destroying things is a very very common theme in my music. I don’t know why, I don’t care why. It will no doubt continue to permeate everything I do in life.

Want to hear the two tracks I worked on? Here you go.

TANZEN–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/13%20___FROHLICHE%20WEINACHTEN___%20-%20TANZEN%20%28Radio%20Edit%29.mp3|artists=FROHLICHE WEINACHTEN|titles=TANZEN]

“TANZEN” (German for Dance) was inspired by a conversation Charles and I were having one night at the Gypsy bar. We thought it would be funny to write a dance track where the only lines were “Ich bin Santa. Du bist ein Elf.” For those of you who don’t speak German (like me), that just means “I am Santa. You are an Elf.” The chorus is just “tanzen” repeated, encouraging the listener to get on the floor and shake dat ass with yuletide cheer. Later we incorporated the Frau Claus verse, the Ich liebe Rudolph movement, and the vocoder interlude. I think, for an afternoon’s hungover work, it came out pretty well. It makes me laugh.

Robots Destroyed Christmas–

[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/14%20The%20Black%20Laser%20-%20Robots%20destroyed%20Christmas.mp3|artists=The Black Laser|titles=Robots Destroyed Christmas]

The production of this track was much more involved than “TANZEN” mostly because this is the first real track I’ve ever produced in Logic so I had to learn how to make things work. There was a whole hell of a lot of dicking around and noodling with sounds and trying to get things balanced. It also highlighted the need for a subwoofer for my computer if I am going to continue to make music on it. I can hear everything in the mid and high ranges quite nicely, but the rich low end I so desperately crave and is so vital to a decent mix eludes me. I apologize if this kills your sub. It shouldn’t.

In this track I wanted to explore a few Christmas-y themes: fire, death, robots, snow, blood. These are things we commonly associate with Christmas time and I thought that bringing them all together in one, hard-edged place that makes you want to dance was a good idea for the benefit of humanity. I think I accomplished something with this that I will be able to expand upon in further pieces of music about robots destroying things.

Now that I’ve given you a taste of the 14 tracks on the album, go get a copy here: It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010

Be sure to check out the track by mitzidodge too. Enjoy!

I Whip My Hair – The Remix Cloud

It is no secret that I loathe Willow Smith’s “I Whip My Hair”. The song is awful.

But, the fine folks over at the Mad Decent blog (you do read them, don’t you?) have done humanity the fine favor of sorting through 22 pages of Soundcloud remixes of this terrible track and then posted their favorites. It is remarkable how a little creativity can turn something utterly insipid into something that makes you want to dance your balls off.

I think my favorite remix they posted is the Anthem Kingz “Whip My Hair (Kingz Whip It Harder Mix)”. They’re all good. Check the collection here.

While you’re there, dig through the blog. You’ll find all sorts of free music gems. Unless you have shitty taste, then lord help you.

A Letter To iPad Users

Dear iPad users,

First watch this.

Now, let me admit that I am officially jealous. Why? Because you guys get to play with a bitchin’ version of Rebirth for only 15 bucks.

Oh, you say, what’s so great about Rebirth? Let’s rewind to 1997. I’m a sophomore in high school living in my parents house running a Macintosh Performa of some sort listening to Pantera all the time. The computer ran Day of the Tentacle, Sam and Max, and Leisure Suit Larry. It could dial into the internet. I had a version of Photoshop (3.0, the first one with layers) that my brother had pirated for me. It had an enormous 750mb hard drive that was filled with pictures and Word Perfect documents and games. No one knew what a hipster, an IED, P2P, the blogosphere, Google, or an iPhone were. Broadband was years off. The only instant messaging was IRC. I got all my demos from the demo CDs (yes, CDs) stuck to the cover of computing magazines. It had a 3.5″ disk drive. It was so awesome.

It was on one of those CDs attached to the cover of an issue of MacAddict or MacWorld or whatever that I got my first taste of computer music in the form of a demo of Rebirth from Propellerhead Software. Of course, computer music had been around for some time already in the form of the demo scene on the Amiga and old Commodore computers, but this was new to me. I had no idea what a TB-303, a TR-808, or a TR-909 were or that they were what Rebirth was emulating. I had no concept of how important the 808 was to hip-hop music. I had no idea that the 303 had effectively created Acid. There was no Wikipedia. How would you find shit like that out? I was just a teenager in my parent’s house in California avoiding my schoolwork and making luscious crunchy electro sounds on this marvelous and, at the time, prohibitively expensive (199.00) piece of software. I just used the demo over and over and over, unable to save, until it would time me out and I would have to start over. I spent a LOT of time trying to recreate the 303 line from New Order’s “Confusion (Pump Panel Reconstruction)”. You’ve heard it, but in case you haven’t listen below.

[audio:https://www.theblacklaser.net/blog/wp-content/audio/confusion-pump-panel.mp3|titles=Confusion Pump Panel Reconstruction|artists=New Order]

People often talk about books or albums of events that had huge impacts on their lives. I think that Rebirth is one of those for me. Couple that with the arrival of Johnny Violent’s “North Korea Goes Bang” on an Earache sampler CD again from the cover of a magazine, and my metal-centric world was split right open. Humorously, the Johnny Violent track was such a secret shameful pleasure of mine that I never really spoke about it to anyone but would still blast it in my bedroom. Listening to it now reveals it to be a little silly, but it was a gateway drug for me.

The combo of Rebirth, the awareness that the creation of such weirdness was accessible, and the Johnny Violent track, the awareness that electronic music wasn’t just bullshit glossy crap, opened up my musical world like nothing else had since my very first metal record years earlier. As the years went on and the stigma I felt for liking electronic music faded, I explored electronic music in depth. The late 90s were a wasteland for interesting heavy metal with nü-metal and rap-metal dominating the scene. Absolutely miserable. Instead, I turned to the sounds of Underworld, Front Line Assembly, Front 242, Future Sound of London, Fluke, Daft Punk, Orbital, Meat Beat Manifesto, and whoever else was exciting and fresh and new.

After the summer of 2002, I had a little bit of money in my pocket and I purchased the then-new Reason 2.5 and a USB MIDI controller. Reason was the successor to Rebirth by Propellerhead Software and it was (and still is) an amazing piece of software. But, with its added complexity and power, the simplicity of making silly little 303 and 808 lines in Rebirth was lost. Sure, you could sample and tweak synths until your eyes exploded and you weren’t limited to strictly linear composition of sequences, but a little something was lost. I’m not saying I would go back, but it was much like learning to edit on a linear taped-based system and the Steenbeck and then moving onto a fully fledged NLE like the Avid or Final Cut. The simplicity engendered by the more limiting systems prevented me from doing a lot of dicking around. Decisions were made and you lived with them. I’ve talked about this before.

Even then Rebirth was lost to me since the Props didn’t invest the time or energy to port Rebirth to OS X. They chose, smartly, to focus their energy on making Reason awesome. Still, the legacy of Rebirth lives on in Reason as a device that will pull info directly from Rebirth into Reason. You can still download it for free from the Rebirth Museum, but it won’t work for me. Alas. Ideally, we’d see them shove Rebirth back into Reason for version 6. No need to make it fancy. Just have it support mods, be sequenceable, be routable and boom. Instant love. And my money.

To bring it all back, iPad users I am jealous that you now have access to one of my favorite, most important pieces of software for a paltry 15 bucks. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t make sense to buy an iPad at 500 bucks (at the cheapest) when I could instead get the much more useful Native Instruments Komplete 7 for the same price. If I bought the iPad with 3G, I could also afford the upgrade to Reason 5+Record 1.5. Pair Komplete and Reason with Logic Pro and I have a formidable synthesizer army capable of unleashing the wrath of the Space Pope on the universe. Nevermind that I’m not that good at making electronic music, it’s still damned fun and it’s money better spent than on trinkets or booze or nonsense.

Does anyone out there want to let me give them 15 bucks so I can put Rebirth on their iPad? Yes?

Sincerely,

The Black Laser.

This DO pretty perfectly represents how I feel all the time…

…and why I spend so little time at home.

Why stay home when New York holds so many myriad adventures for the uninhibited? Tonight, for example, I should probably go home and chill out after being out last night until quarter to six, but is that going to happen? Not fucking likely. I would like to go to the Ghostly International party tonight at Public Assembly. Or maybe Big Freedia round 4 at Santos? Anyone want to go dancing? Or maybe I’ll just strike out solo and have an adventure that no one will ever know about. Who knows? The night is young and I have the will.

Link to the original Do.