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The Black Laser

A (day-late) Thanksgiving post

Because I was too incapacitated with turkey yesterday to sit down at the computer and actually type anything out, here is my day-late list of the things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving in no real order, though I am more thankful for some things than others. See if you can figure out which ones! It’s like a game!

  • Family. Duh.
  • Friends.
  • Metal.
    [audio:torture_ballad.mp3|artists=Pig Destroyer|titles=Torture Ballad]
  • Cormac McCarthy.
  • Mexican food.
  • Chicken & dumplings.
  • Going for walks.
  • Having Friday (i.e., today) off.
  • Robots.
  • Wizards.
  • Unicorns.
  • Ninjas.
  • Dax Riggs.
  • Sausage.
  • Cast iron cookware.
  • Bacon.
  • Beer. (I miss you.)

If you didn’t call your important people yesterday, call them today. A day late is better than not at all.

The Metric System Party – Dec 12th

Dearest readers and RSS addicts,

On December 12th the Metric System will be hosting its premiere party, announcing itself to the world. The Metric System is a group of folks in and around the New York City area who have created a support network for like-minded creative types to facilitate the realization of projects and performances and whatever else strikes their fancy.

Don’t take my word for it, though. Check the site—The Metric System.

This is the invite that is floating around for the party.

Metric System Medium Invite
Metric System Invite

Come by. I’ll be there acting as official party photographer. And, if my soothing presence isn’t enough lure for you to show up, there will be art and music and sushi and sake and beer and all sorts of great crap that you just can’t turn down. Besides, it’s from 8-10 on a Friday which makes it the perfect time to come out and pregame for what will probably turn into a massive Friday night. Besides, art and music! Who doesn’t love art and music? For free?

If you read this, I expect to see you there.

Want to see the glorious rich pinks of The Black Laser the way God intended them to be seen?

Of course you do. Who wouldn’t? Here’s how to do it.

Safari (Mac) – You don’t have to do a thing. Good job!

OmniWeb (Mac) – Go to Preferences > Appearance and make sure the little check box for “Use ColorSync™” is checked. Restart the browser. Fun!

Firefox (Mac/Windows/Linux) – In the address bar type “about:config” without the quotes. You’ll get a dialog box that looks something like this:

You can ignore the warning if you wish. I do, but I’m just crazy like that. Click on through and you’re going to get a whole load of options in text format. I don’t suggest messing around in here unless you’ve got a good idea of what you’re doing.

The line you’re looking for is gfx.color_management.enabled. The easiest way to find this amidst the myriad other settings is to type “gfx” in the filter bar. It should be the second option there.

The default value for this is false. Just double click the word “false” and it will change to “true”. Restart Firefox and BAM you have color managed websites. Pretty sweet.

Camino (Mac) – This will only work with the test builds of Camino 2.0 now, so you 1.6.4 users and earlier are shit out of luck. If you are using a 2.0 build, the directions are the same as for Firefox.

Flock (Mac/Windows/Linux) – Just follow the Firefox directions.

Opera (Mac/Windows/Linux) – I have no idea how to do this in Opera.

Internet Explorer (Windows) – Seriously? Just download Firefox already. You’ll be happy you did. And to you people viewing this site with Internet Explorer 6, you REALLY need to get Firefox. I promise your life will be better for it. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but your browsing will be better for sure.

The Elevator Game

In the morning, I play a little game I call “The Elevator Game”. It’s pretty simple, but surprisingly fun. When I step into the elevator, I always wait to see if my floor, the sixth, will be the first stop. That’s it. The building I work in has 16 floors so you’d think that the spread would be offset toward me winning, but there is a hair salon on the 2nd floor and there is no stairwell access. I would say I win less than half the time in the morning, but when I come back from a session or where ever in the afternoon my winning percentage is much better.

Here is a photo I took that has absolutely nothing to do with this random thought.

Keep on truckin’, diaper guy!

Creativity, Motivation, and Activation Energy

Activation energy is a chemistry term that describes the amount of energy needed for a chemical reaction to take place. This is about the only concept I took from my high school chemistry class, a class which I failed. As in F. So I promise that the science metaphors end right now. I don’t know why that one thing stuck with me, but it did.

Anyway, I consider myself to be a person with a high activation energy. That is, the amount of work I have to put into getting myself to actually sit down and work is incredible. It is a constant, epic struggle to force things to come out of my fingers, whether it is editing or writing or whatever. One of my favorite tricks is the “Don’t get up until the CD is done” trick. Unfortunately, about half the time it leads to 35 minutes of staring at the screen of my laptop. Another good thing to get me working is feeling bad. Not really bad, like “let me die, I’m ill” bad, but like “I’m physical exhausted but cranked full of caffeine” bad. Throw the trailing end of a hangover into that mix and I’m at my sharpest, most biting, most cynical, and I’m good for about 2 hours of work. There is a precarious balance with the hangover though. If it was too strong, or not strong enough, then the whole setup is shot and I am back to my starting point of not doing a god damned thing. My newest trick which is still not thoroughly tested is this blog. Perhaps if I write often enough in this thing for the small handful of people who actually bother to read it I will get my gears going and teach myself how to work on a schedule. We will see.

So what’s the deal? I feel motivated to create personal work. In fact, when I do manage to get something done, I feel great. I am amped up. Wired. I have a hard time getting to sleep which is usually bad since by the time I’ve managed to do something it’s 3am on a weeknight/morning. (I know that the excess of caffeine in my blood might be the culprit, but please just let me have this one? Thanks.) Maybe feeling satisfied isn’t enough? I’ve often noticed of myself that I perform better when I am beholden to someone else, when I am responsible for something that is being counted on by someone whose opinion I value. Ok, that’s good, but I don’t really owe my personal work to anyone but myself, and I’m pretty sure that I will understand my own excuse for not actually producing anything by my self-imposed deadline. I can be very understanding if I need to be. Also, we’ve seen in the failure of 3 attempts at the Greater Williamsburg Writing Circle that even the expectations of others can miss the mark as a powerful enough motivator. Let’s hope that the planned fourth attempt in conjunction with my friends and allies at Uncle Magazine and The Metric System finds more success than the last three.

I don’t think that creativity is something I lack. Productivity, yes. Absolutely. I produce at the pitiful rate of one decent short piece every millennium or so and at times less often. But, creativity no. It comes out of me at inopportune times however, like when I’m walking around alone without anything to take notes on. Or I have a flood of creative blathering at lunch that takes the definition of “offensive” to new heights (lows?), but it refuses to flow when I am sitting down with my headphones on staring at the blank screen in Scrivener trying to do something, anything, God please just let me write something good. I do have to say that fullscreen mode is invaluable to shutting out whatever distractions my brain keeps jumping to and the black background, gray text combo I set makes it much easier to stare at the screen for a long time without any eye fatigue. Black text on a white page is nice because the white page isn’t a light shining directly into your eyes for hours. I could punch a bitch for all the white page/black text the interwebs subject me to on a daily basis. But all the fullscreens in the world aren’t enough to keep my focus for very long. Distraction is only an Apple-Tab away.

With these data in mind, what is the solution to creating a healthy, productive working environment and schedule for myself? In the last few weeks I have put myself on drinking hiatus and it seems to be helping me have moments of electric inspiration which gets transcribed to the writing tablet I keep beside the bed. It is surprising that one wonderful beer after work is enough to dull my brain to a point where nothing smart or good wants to come out of it. Or not surprising, I guess. That is good, but I miss beers. I have also found that reading non-fiction is a great way to get my mind thinking about something other than what I am reading. Most of what I read for pleasure is fiction, and when I get into it, which is most of the time, I am totally wrapped up in what is going on in the story, between the characters, and in the text. My brain is focused. When I read non-fiction, especially dry non-fiction, my brain wanders and little bursts of goodness erupt, tiny undersea volcanoes of creativity. That is good too, but I can only take so much dry non-fiction before I want to throw up. I would love to figure out how to get my brain into that not-drinking not-fiction place while drinking and reading fiction. I also wish I had a unicorn and superpowers, but we can’t have everything we want, can we? And, if I magically am blessed with profound, focused creativity, how do I translate that into productivity? How do you spin wool into gold? There are a whole bunch of obvious answers to this—persistence, determination, perseverance. But I don’t care for these broadly applicable answers; I want something for myself.

The question remains: what magic thing does Joe need to learn about himself to overcome this creative slump he’s felt mired in for the last few years? Will writing about himself in the third person aid in any way? Does anyone even care? Will anyone even read this far? Tacos?

Badly written reviews complaining that a book was badly written

I was wasting valuable time today on reading reviews of a book I already own when I stumbled upon this gem of a review.

this wasn’t the book version i bought, but i bought a very complete version of grimm’s fairy tales because i wanted to read fairy tales like i had earlier in my life. now i realize i was probably reading a hans christian anderson book before – translation, SOMEONE WHO COULD WRITE A STORY. the grimm’s fairy tales were so bad, i was shocked.. i know these people lived in an earlier century, but the writing was on a third grade level, the morals were non-existent and the stories were just BAD. i know they come from an earlier century, maybe when people were less educated, but that’s no excuse for ridiculously bad stories that are written horribly. i don’t know what kind of drugs everyone is using to think that grimm’s fairy tales are worth reading, but i’m here to tell the truth, they’re beyond bad. i would type an example of the worst story i read, but i can’t because i threw the book away! i can’t wait to get a hans christian anderson book and read some real, interesting fairy tales that were written well.

I was struck by the irony of someone complaining about how poorly written a book is with a poorly written comment. It seems to me that if you are going to complain about something being poorly written then your complaint had better, at the very least, be written in clear, lucid English. I’m not asking for moving depth of thought or valuable insight (though those would be nice). I’m just asking, you know, that the sentences are sentences, that the rules of spelling and punctuation are observed, and that you maybe give it one proof-read. It seems like this is probably a lot to ask of people ranting on, but I don’t think I’m being wholly unreasonable. I am forgiving of typos; they happen. But if you are going to bash a book for being poorly written, do me and the rest of the universe a favor and don’t immediately negate your own argument by spewing trash like this.

Personally, I quite like the book being reviewed and I don’t think it’s poorly written. You’ve got to appreciate a Cinderella story where the wicked step-mother forces the sisters to mutilate their feet to fit into the slipper and which ends with them having their eyes pecked out by birds.

This is my brother and his new baby

Welcome to the clan, baby Sienna Jo.

Look at the baby! Now look at the coffee/soda/mysterious dark liquid stain on Mike’s shirt. I love that she has dark hair like her devastatingly handsome, talented uncle Joe.

Congrats, Mikey and Leah. Way to start the new generation of Dillinghams off with a bang. We’re not a family of whimperers, regardless of what T.S. Eliot said about the world ending.

To the people standing in line outside the Verizon Wireless store this morning on Broadway and 18th Street

The Blackberry Storm? Seriously? That’s worth waiting outside in 30 degree weather for? A telephone is so important to you that you would WAIT for it? What, so you can get e-mail forwards in a slightly cooler interface than the last Blackberry you got? Do you even need the Blackberry? What are you, a doctor? Could you really even have such a serious job and still be able to be in line at 9:30 on a weekday morning? What the fuck? Don’t you have better things to do and better places to be, like work or school or church or home or anywhere but standing in front of the Verizon Wireless store on Broadway?

It’s just a thing, people. There will be another, cooler thing in 6 months. It’s not worth it. The Union Square Greenmarket was open this morning. Why don’t you go over there next time and buy some locally grown produce? Much better.