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Posts published in “Life”

The “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” Game

Previously I had discussed the little game I play with myself in the elevators in the morning, but recently I have been playing a new game I refer to a the “Do I Have To Swipe My Security Card” game. The game involves walking in the front door in the morning and walking by the security table, making eye contact with the girl at the desk, and purposefully not swiping my security card. Technically, we are supposed to swipe our cards every time we enter the building, but, ever the shit disturber, I try to see how far I can get without swiping my card.

Typically I am pretty successful when the girl is working. She is very lax with people she knows work here, which includes me. Awesome. When the other maintenance guys are in the lobby, I swipe my card because I don’t really want to get her in trouble with them or get grief from them. When it’s a new guy (there seem to be random guys kind of regularly) I swipe my card. But, I’d say about 90% of the time I can walk straight in sans card-swipe.

I imagine that this is thrilling information for everyone, but this is my goddamned website, so deal. I spent a lot of time grounded when I was a kids (deservedly so) and have thus figured out myriad ways to entertain myself all the time. It’s good fun. Being grounded builds character.

Also, another random thought, whenever I say the word “goddamn” or the phrase “goddamn it”, I can’t help but think of my mother because this is easily her favorite curse. And since I spent much of my childhood pissing her off, I heard “Goddamn it, Joseph Michael!” frequently. Very frequently. I will catch myself using it in the exact same way and then I think of her while I’m all pissed off and it feels really weird because I like my mom and being all pissed about something and thinking randomly of something you like is a weird sensation, like laughing when you’ve hurt yourself which I also do, or eating something and expecting one texture and getting a completely different one.

Hi mom! Love you!

Metric System Party – The Aftermath

This is just a quickie post to update any of my non-New York and non-attending New York readers of how amazing the Metric System debut party was. Many of you who know me know that I am a jaded, cynical son of a bitch and it takes a LOT to impress me. Well, I was totally impressed by the huge turn out on Friday and the sheer awesomeness of the party. For those of you who were unable to attend, do make sure you come by for the next event.

Kudos to you Metric System folks who went well beyond what was called for and really made this party happen. Good work.

Expect photos in the next few days. I took nearly 500 of them between 6 and 10:30, which is about on par for me. I think the yield of good photos will be high, maybe 3:1 to 4:1 photos to usable photos. I expect maybe 15-20 really great ones. And, any doubts I might have had about the investment in the 5d Mk II were put out of their misery and buried under a mountain of stone where only the Balrog dwells.

I wonder how Jesse Allen felt yesterday morning? Haha. Silly Jesse and his dwindling back-pocket bottle of Jack Daniels.

Metric System party tonight, Dec 12th!

Everyone, Metric System party is tonight from 8-10pm. If you live in New York and are not infirm, I expect to see you there. Here’s the invite with the location.

Metric System Medium Invite
Metric System Invite

If you want to be slick and come by for the VIP hour, the party starts at 7, with a silent auction, exclusive performance, and a bunch of other really great stuff for a suggested donation of only 20 US dollars.

Come by! Support the arts!

Holy crap! This yet again proves that Japan is the future.

Scientists extract images directly from brain

Researchers from Japan’s ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories have developed new brain analysis technology that can reconstruct the images inside a person’s mind and display them on a computer monitor, it was announced on December 11. According to the researchers, further development of the technology may soon make it possible to view other people’s dreams while they sleep.

The scientists were able to reconstruct various images viewed by a person by analyzing changes in their cerebral blood flow. Using a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, the researchers first mapped the blood flow changes that occurred in the cerebral visual cortex as subjects viewed various images held in front of their eyes. Subjects were shown 400 random 10 x 10 pixel black-and-white images for a period of 12 seconds each. While the fMRI machine monitored the changes in brain activity, a computer crunched the data and learned to associate the various changes in brain activity with the different image designs.

Then, when the test subjects were shown a completely new set of images, such as the letters N-E-U-R-O-N, the system was able to reconstruct and display what the test subjects were viewing based solely on their brain activity.

Seriously? That SHIT IS AWESOME. Computers used to read the visual data people’s eyes send to their brains? WHAT THE FUCK?!? Who told Japan that they could live inside a SF book? Do I actually need to say anything else? The answer is No.

Guys & Dolls

No, I’m not referring to the musical, but the unbelievable documentary by the BBC on doll fetishists. Check it out. It’s long (~46min), but totally worth the investment. It’s probably not safe for work (unless you work in a cool place like I do), so caveat emptor.

It really is amazing and an incredible look into a subculture I had no clue about. I had heard of Real Dolls before, but never knew it went to this extent. There is a profound sense of sadness emanating from the subjects of the film and there are parts where my insides contort violently with second hand embarrassment.

On singing in metal 3 – Into Eternity’s “Time Immemorial”

[myspace]http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=47983160[/myspace]

Hmm. Do I like this? I liked the last Into Eternity record, but I was pretty sure at the beginning of the song that I wasn’t going to like this one. Then it got into the meat of the track and I wasn’t sure that I disliked it anymore. It’s actually a pretty decent song, I guess, even if it switches genres like crazy without any sort of real segue ways.

His singing verges on the unacceptable sometimes, but his penchant for taking it power metal really pulls him back from the brink of oblivion. And homeboy can definitely keep a tune, so I’m not mad. I’m just not sure how pumped up about this I am. But then, that’s what I thought when I first heard Protest The Hero, and I consider Fortress one of the best releases of this year. It’s probably appropriate that you ignore my first impressions because they are often wrong in moments like this. Usually, if I hate something right off the bat (that was a cliché), then I’m right on. Same thing for liking stuff. But when I’m on the fence and leaning towards dislike, I’m usually wrong, so, you know, whatever.

Sorry that this post sucks; my brain is officially mush. Watch the video. Keep on rocking.

Look forward to more interesting posts in the future!

The Theme of 2009

In theory, New Year’s resolutions are a good idea. It is in the realization of these resolutions where we discover that, in fact, they don’t always work out. How many New Year’s resolutions have you made in your life that you’ve never followed through on? How many people have you heard make resolutions to do whatever the hell it is they think they should be doing but then never do? If you’re like me, the answer to both questions is “A lot”. Sure, some people have success, but I’m willing to bet that the ratio of successes to failures is skewed toward the latter.

What are some of the problems with New year’s resolutions? Well, for one, they are often short sighted, setting a goal for the immediate to near future and not often considering 4 or 8 or 12 months from now. They are also generally too specific, not allowing for the person making resolutions to change their minds or to adapt to changing situations throughout the year. People and things change, so it’s stupid not to be able to adjust your goals accordingly.

A few years ago I decided to pick a theme for the upcoming year (2004, I think?) and stick with that for the whole year. The idea was that the theme should be broadly applicable with recognizable short term goals. That might sound contradictory, but hear me out. I wanted something that would provide many opportunities to express itself in easily accomplished situations, something that could apply to many things yet all fall under the same heading. Thus the idea of a “theme”, rather than a “resolution”.

Since putting this into motion, I have had a few years of success and a few years of not-success. Let’s look at some examples, shall we?

  • The Year of Trying New Things—This was my first theme and esaily the most successful. It exemplifies everything a year’s theme should be. Broadly applicable to many things (what new thing am I trying? It doesn’t matter, so long as it’s new) and provides short term goals (try it).
  • The Year of Writing—This year was moderately successful for a while but ended up being too broad. There were no goals to set except “to write”, which was enough for a while, but not strong enough for me to keep my focus.
  • The Year of Finishing Things—What? Serious? I broke both my guidelines here. Too specific and too long term. No good. Next!
  • The Year of Self-Care—Again, moderately successful since it was focused mostly on figuring out what I needed from my life, but not a great theme since it lacks clear short term goals.
  • The Year of Focus—Seriously? What the hell? Horrible.

For 2009 I am determined not repeat my past mistakes, but to really work on keeping myself occupied outside of work with personal creative work. And now that I have this blog running, I have something to keep my honest and not let myself slip into complacency as I am prone to do.

After a lot of thinking, I have decided that 2009 will be:

The Year of 5000 photos and 50 Short Stories

Right? It’s good, I think. It has short term goals (stories, photos) and is broadly applicable (stories about what? Photos of what?). It’s also enough to keep me busy throughout the whole year, but not so much that it is daunting. Originally, it was going to be The Year of 10,000 Photos after I was inspired by Bryan’s photo count on his site, which, if you have not seen, you should. But then I realized it didn’t carve out a space for the other craft which is important to me and not addressed professionally—writing. So a little bit of calculation was done to establish reasonable goals and the theme was changed.

But, you ask, what constitutes “a photo” or “a short story”? Well, I’ve thought about that too and here’s what I think.

Photo – a photo is counted when it is part of a set that was deliberately taken. I am not limited only to my selects from a given shoot, but at the same time, test shoots do not count toward the final tally.

Short story – a short story is any piece of narrative writing between 1500 and 10000 words. It can be about anything at all, but needs to fall roughly within those two limits. The upper limit is looser than the lower. 1500 words is a bare minimum, but ok since, once I get rolling, I’ll bang out 1500 to 2500 words in a sitting.

And you, Black Laser readers, will help to keep me honest! Follow my progress over the next calendar year. I will be posting every photo and every story to this site for you to enjoy. I also hope to make periodic comments on my status and how I’m feeling about my progress. Stay tuned, intrepid readers!

You can check my progress with this link: The Year of 5000 Photos and 50 Short Stories. It will link you to every post with that tag, which will be every post I make with a story or photos. Let’s do this.

In Memoriam – Butt Fuzz, “Son” (2007-2008)

Last night we laid our hamster Butt Fuzz to rest between two trees in the Grand Street Ferry Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I remember the day that Juli brought Butt Fuzz home. It was a bitingly cold day in March as she rushed home with a tiny new addition to our family nestled in her arms. She called me at work to tell me that she had purchased a hamster. I asked what she was thinking of naming him. She said that she was thinking of naming him either Linus or T-bone but that she wasn’t sure what she would name him. I replied that we would have to just see when I got home what his name was going to be. As soon as I saw him and the ridiculous mud flaps of fuzz coming off his butt, I knew that he had to be christened “Butt Fuzz”. It was only appropriate. Juli let me know that she thought that was a silly name and that he should be called Linus or T-bone, but later in the night when she asked me, “What do you think Butt Fuzz is thinking right now?” I knew that the issue of his name had been settled.

My favorite memory of Butt Fuzz is the first time we ever gave him a Crispix. He was a spoiled little guy, but he was a hamster, so what does it matter if they are spoiled? Anyway, while begging for a treat we gave him a single piece of cereal. He was so overwhelmed by the sheer deliciousness of the cereal that he keeled over backwards onto his back with his little hamster legs kicking int he air. Refusing to let go his prize, he struggled to right himself for a moment but never took his little hamster hands off the piece of cereal in his mouth. We laughed and laughed and laughed.

Butt Fuzz was a kind and gentle hamster who never bit anyone and only peed on the sofa when he got nervous. When he heard me come home, he would rouse himself from his tiny pink igloo and come and dance on the edge of his little house to greet me. In all likelihood it was because he knew I’d give him a treat, but sometimes he would ignore the treat and just dance there, saying hi. Everyone who came to knew Butt Fuzz liked him. Some hamsters are mean or surly and bite, but Butt Fuzz was a jovial, silly little ball of fluff who constantly had his bedding wrapped up in his fur. He lived his life, like his father, with bed head. How could you not love that?

Juli called me yesterday to let me know that the hamster had passed away. She had placed a small piece of apple by the mouth of his igloo and would have usually disappeared as soon as you turned your head, but this little piece of apple sat untouched. Worried because Butt Fuzz had been looking pretty old and threadbare recently, she pulled the igloo up to find him laying there, still. He died as he had lived—covered in bedding, nestled in his food, his wild hair going every which way.

We took him to the park by the East River where we had buried Peach, our last hamster. It is, of course, all sorts of illegal I am sure to bury a hamster in a public park in New York City, but that did not deter us. We just made sure we kept an open eye for police cars. We found a lovely spot between two saplings where the soil was tender, and, with the trowel Juli keeps for gardening on our fire escape, I dug a little hamster coffin sized hole and placed him in. We said a few words and then covered him up, spreading dried leaves over the spot so that he blended in.

I took Juli to dinner then, and I broke hiatus in memory of our lost hamster.

Son, you were a good little hamster and a special little guy to both of us and you will be missed. I hope that wherever it is that little hamster souls go you have as many peanuts and Crispixes and corns and carrots and piece of apple as you could ever hope for in your little hamster heart. You were a happy addition to our household. There will never be another hamster quite like you, Butt Fuzz. Requiescat in pace, son.