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Posts published in “Life”

Undefeatable is in the house

undefeatble-coverAnd it’s much, much worse than even the clip from before would seem to indicate. Alternatively going by the title “Cui hua kuang mo,” “Undefeatable” stars Cynthia Rothrock as Kristi Jones and Don Niam as “Stingray,” who, clearly, has no need of a surname. The oneline for the plot says it all, “Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) avenges her sister’s death at the hands of a crazed martial arts rapist.” Oh wow. If you had not wanted to see the movie before, how could you possibly resist now?

Not yet convinced? How about some reviews from IMDB?

Possibly the best creation in human history.

When I first saw this movie, I soiled myself. Not only does it feature my favorite actor Don Niam, it also has my second favorite actor Todd Weinguard as Maniac Gang member #4. This movie contains Don Niam’s hair which is probably the most significant thing to ever happen to theater. Ever. It should be required by law that everyone must watch this movie. I will definitely name my first,second, and fourth child Stingray. My third child will be named anus for obvious reasons. Anyways, I highly recommend this movie. If you want to cry, laugh, defecate on yourself, and become erect at the same time, see this movie. Please make a sequel Mr. Ho.

Oh man this is bad…

This is the worst movie I have ever seen. I felt compelled to write this review however, not because I think the film should be avoided, but on the contrary, I believe everyone should own a copy of “Undefeatable (that barely even sounds like a grammatically correct word).” The plot, the acting, the fighting, and the lines (oh my goodness the lines are great) are so far below even your average C- film that combined, they create a comprehensively miserable whole. Go out and rent this video, buy a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, call up your buddies, and sit down for what might be one of the more memorable movie experiences of your life.

Undefeatable is Unbelievable!
Rarely does one experience in the world of movie making a work that both shocks and enthralls. Undefeatable is a powerhouse. As is its sexy cast of butt kickin’ martial arts ladies. The setting, University of Maryland gymnasium. The script, poetic. The action, jolting. The production, one that elicits comparison to a Lord of the Rings. The producers certainly make use of technology utilizing action photography techniques used in mega budget films like the Matrix.

Although not recommended for children, this feel good cinematic adventure gives new meaning to the integration of performance art and dismemberment.

Bravo! Rumors are swirling about the sequel ‘Undefeatable II – Return of the Eyeballs’.

Not yet enough?! Feel free to browse through all three pages of user comments on IMDB.

I haven’t had a chance yet to really sit down and bask in the full glory of “Undefeatable”, but what I have seen so far in addition to the fight scene I posted a few days ago is truly amazing. Keep your eyes peeled for a full review with pictures in the near (or not near) future.

The Book Cover Archive

At Tor.com I read an article about a new site called The Book Cover Archive going live. It is, as the name implies, an archive of various book covers. Awesome, right? Well, for someone as book geeky as I am, it is awesome. Each entry is tagged with various meta data, allowing you to sort by and search for author, designer, genre, or publisher. Searching by author and genre is pretty standard, and being able to search by publisher is neat, but the real glory lies in being able to search by designer.

For example, here is the entry for a book I wrote about here a few weeks ago. Peter Carey Theft

The cover was designed by John Gall, who, as it turns out, designed a number of other books on my shelves: The Road, Lolita, Kafka On The Shore

Pretty cool.

Right now the site is in public beta, meaning that not everything is running at 100%. They currently have about 850 books in the database, but I can’t imagine that number not rising significantly. It also seems like a great way to find new books since each entry has a convenient link to the book’s page on Amazon. Not for me though. I have enough books for the time being. I need to stay OUT of the bookstore. But you all might need books, and might be struggling with finding something to read, so here’s a nice place to judge a book by its cover. Branch out and pick something up you might not otherwise.

Sunshine

29

seal_of_approvalJuli and I watched Sunshine tonight, the 2007 Danny Boyle film about a group of astronauts on a mission to give the sun a kick start. I heard a lot of bad mouthing about it when it came out and it scared me away from the theatre, but having seen it I have no idea what people were complaining about. It was great. I know some people thought the midmovie twist was weak, but it worked for me. It’s no feel-good movie, and it shouldn’t be. It’s bleak, filled with tension and despair, and wonderful. It is a science fiction film yes, but it almost crosses the line of being a horror film in outer space. The film is a spiritual descendant of Ridley Scott’s Alien, but lacks the more overt horror elements. It is also clearly inspired by Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, but lacks the oblique abstraction. It’s a different beast altogether and I loved it. Approved. I’m only disappointed that I didn’t go see it theatrically.

Plot aside, the film is just fucking beautiful. Alwin Küchler’s cinematography has to be some of the most beautiful work done last year, right up there with The Assassination of Jesse James by The Coward Robert Ford. The film’s CGI is stunning, but the real beauty is in the delicate, painterly photography that is rich and sumptuous while portraying the stark bleakness of the crew’s predicament alone in the far reaches of our solar system on a mission to save mankind. One shot that stands out is early in the film when the ship psychiatrist is sitting in the observation room and there is an extreme close-up of his eye behind sunglasses and the depth of field must have been something like a centimeter, yet Küchler totally nails it, giving us this extremely distorted yet recognizable, intimate shot of the man’s eye as he stares straight into the sun. And the blurry camera work in the end sequence? Holy crap. Just astounding. A truly incredible accomplishment.

On this rainy Wednesday afternoon…

I thought I might share with you the finest fight choreography I have ever had the distinct misfortune of seeing.

I know this clip has been floating around for a long time, but, God damn, it is good.

Keep an eye out for ya, Stingray.

Yeah! See ya!

Update – It’s from a movie called Undefeatable. Does anyone have this? Can you please send it to me? Seriously, I would love you forever.

Lasers and Ken Nordine.

Have you ever seen something so perfect that you weren’t sure if you were still alive? As if, perhaps, a small sliver of heaven had come down to you and blessed you with visions of the Divine? The voice of God whispering sweet nothings into your ear? Then you have an idea how I felt when I saw these ads ( ! —I know) featuring not only lasers but Ken Nordine, the sweetest voice to ever grace my ears. Why don’t people make ads like this anymore? Were the late 70s so intense that this sort of thing flew, but we couldn’t possibly handle it now? I think it’s high time to bring lasers back into advertising.

They were made by Robert Abel & Associates, who also had a hand in Tron. Why did this company ever fold? I understand that Robert Abel passed away, but could not this beautiful laser motif have continued into the present day? I think it is quite clear to ANYONE reading this site that I love bright, gaudy design. If anything, these ads make me realize that I don’t have nearly enough lasery goodness on this site. I need grids! I need laser beams! I need more glows! I need explosions! BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

Do not fear, fearless readers, the laser style has not died. It’s just gone underground. Here is the proof.

Sweet. More lasers for everyone!

A tad more New Year’s goodness

Auld Lang Syne on the theremin.

I hereby propose an addition to the popular lexicon— “thereminist face”. Everyone is (or should be) familiar with the concept of “drummer face”, that is, the often ridiculous face a drummer makes while playing the drums. Every drummer has a drummer face, and each face is unique. Thomas Grillo shows us that thereminists too have a face they make. Thomas’s is quite subdued, focused, serious. But with the way his eyes glaze over, it is clear that he is focused on the moment, hitting the fierce jams on his travel Theremin.

Happy New Year.

I hope all of you had a festive, safe New Year’s Eve celebration last night and that you aren’t feeling it too hard today. I spent it with Juli at a friend’s house and today I am enjoying the tail end of the Sci-Fi Channel New Year’s Eve Twilight Zone marathon. What can I say? I’m a sucker for the Twilight Zone. It’s a tradition.

In case you missed the old post, today begins The Year of 5000 Photos and 50 Short Stories, so keep your eyes peeled for more solid content here in the coming year.

Good luck, and I hope your first coffee of 2009 was as nice as mine.