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Posts published in “Life”

Sixpoint Craft Ales, perhaps the greatest American beer

Dear America,

New York City has been holding out on you.

I’m not talking about musical theatre or the nightlife or whatever things people come to New York from all over the country to experience. No, I’m talking about what might be the single greatest beer in the entire history of the universe, Sixpoint’s Righteous Rye. Never before has a beer so tasty, so dangerous, exerted such pressure on me to drink it. It makes most other craft beers seem like the cans of Hamm’s sitting in your trunk while you’re at summer school when you’re 16.

Brooklyn Brewery? I love you, but no.

Dogfishhead? No!

Smuttynose? How I adore your IPA, but, still, no.

Europe? Your dogged adherence to tradition is commendable, but no.

Asia? Not in a million years.

Africa? South America? Australia? No! No!! No!!!

And while I would love to recommend that you fine folks around the country go to your local purveyor of fine beers and purchase a six pack of this mighty beast of a drink, you cannot. Sixpoint does not bottle beer. You can only get it on draught. It’s even difficult to find sometimes in Manhattan, but it waits for me like a patient friend when I come home to Brooklyn. Always there. Always happy to see me.

Sixpoint, you have brightened my life with the Righteous Rye and I thank you for it.

To the rest of America, when you’re in town on vacation, take a break from the tourist crap, take the subway across the East River, find yourself a nice little bar, and get a Sixpoint. You will thank me for it.

Check out their site: Sixpoint Craft Ales

Conan O’Brien, stayin’ classy

Conan is having troubles with NBC. In his statement about it, he is never anything but classy, respectful, and honorable about being fucked by his network.

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance….

You can read the rest of the statement here. It’s worth your time.

Personally, I think Conan is hilarious. His time on both The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live were halcyon days for both those programs, no doubt due to his intelligence and quirky sense of humor. His late show has always been worth watching, even if you had to watch something else while Leno was snoozing it up on the Tonight Show. When he was given hosting duties on the Tonight Show, it was as if something magical had happened, as if Carson finally had a proper successor. To have it taken away so that Jay “Mr. Doritos” Leno can go back to putting us all to sleep at the 11:35 timeslot is a real shame.

Year of Record

My friend Charles has sworn off iTunes for 2010 in favor of the humble vinyl LP. Why would anyone do something so progressively insane you ask?! I could waste my time explaining it or I could just copy and paste his explanation. Here’s what he has to say about it.

I promise this will be the only post of philosophical musings on here, but people have asked so I think it needs to be said: Why am I doing this?

Literally as long as I can remember, I’ve been “into music”, whatever that means. My parents claim that they got me playing an instrument when they walked into the kitchen to find I had constructed a xylophone out of building blocks, playing “Camptown Races”. I’ve played in various stupid indie rock bands, full orchestras, and recorded solo, but this blog isn’t about creation. This is about consumption.

I’m a collector, and a pirate, with a maximally efficient way of acquiring new media. Literally thousands of albums, months of music sit on my hard drive, a string of 1s and 0s magnetized on discs spinning hundreds of miles per hour. I try not to discriminate when it comes to music, downloading everything from the new Lil John rap-rock-autotune debacle to Daniel Johnston, to Phoenix, to Trentemøller to La Bouche to Steely Dan to Shearwater. Which is great! I get a wide variety of music and influences, and am always hearing something interesting as I make my way through recent downloads.

The problem is that I’m always making my way through recent downloads, never able to focus on any music and give it the respect it deserves. The music I do care about has equal footing with the dreck, making it hard to zero in on what should be at the forefront.

Not only that, but when I do find something I love, something important to me, it’s still barely real, a digital representation on a storage device. That’s not to say that it’s not about the music, it most certainly is. When I moved abroad, I culled and razed, and got rid of everything physical, moving to all-digital. I showed up with a suitcase, a laptop and an iPhone, and that was enough to keep me going. But for the longest time, I’ve had what I care about be bits of data, and the physical media I own be the hilarious 1 dollar records from Half Price Books, the CDs I bought in high school and hung on to for no reason, the stuff that I never return to.

This year is about turning that around.

Starting Jan 1, 2010, through Dec 31, 2010, I’m giving up the digital, as much as is possible. I’ve moved my iTunes library to an external disk for safekeeping, bought as many of my favorite records as I could afford, and will be listening to only records, cds, and tapes to the best of my ability. If I want to listen to a record, I’ll have to go over to my pile of actual music, choose something, put it on, and listen to it.

There’s no shuffle, there’s no thousand songs in my pocket, there’s just albums. Wish me luck.

Neat. Keep en eye on his progress at his site, Year of Record.

By the way, that’s him, rocking out to Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love” with his pinky raised all genteel and shit, in the post below.

COBRA, a bittersweet victory

No, not snakes. And not the nefarious terrorist organization from G.I. Joe, either.

I’m talking about the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (hell of a name, eh?), which has allowed me to have health insurance after losing my job back in June. And, with the shithole the economy’s in right now, the government has enacted a subsidy on COBRA payments. That is, my former employer, Ascent Media, pays 65% of my COBRA charges, about 310 bucks, every month. Sweet deal. It means that my health, dental, and eye insurance only cost me about 163 dollars every month, much better than the 475 I’d be paying without the subsidy, or, worse, not having health insurance at all.

My subsidy was supposed to end in March, which was perfect, because my former employer changed their health insurance for the third time since I was initially hired by them in 2005 and the doctor I’ve built a relationship with over the last few years is no longer covered. I figured, ok, I’ll pay for the next three months and then figure out how to get some health insurance that covers her so I don’t have to go through the nightmare of trying to find a new doctor that I like.

But then the government extended the subsidy until September 2010. Fucking hell. That means I’ll need to find myself a doctor between now and then which is a huge pain in the ass. I suppose I should be happy that I will continue to have inexpensive health insurance (I wonder if these payments are a tax write off?), but I wish I could keep going to the doctor I’ve been seeing for a couple years.

Actually, what I really wish is that health insurance wasn’t such a fucking scam and that I could just plain old afford to go to any doctor I like because their prices wouldn’t be so inflated because of the racket the insurance companies have going on. What a bunch of horrible thieves. A man can dream.

Happy 2010, Black Laserites.

It’s 2010 (say it with me, TWENTY-TEN) and nothing seems to have blown up yet so I feel like we’re probably set for our fair share of amazing discoveries, tragedies, delights, horrors, celebrity deaths, and whatever the hell else awaits us in this yet young year.

Juli and I spent our New Year’s Eve at home since she was ill enjoying Sci-Fi Channel’s Twilight Zone Marathon and District 9. Both were awesome. There was not a single woo on our New Year’s Eve, but that’s all right. Next year.

The next morning we broke our 2010 fast with cranberry orange muffins and coffee from my favorite coffee place on earth.

So, what does 2010 mean?

It means to me that the Year of 5000 Photos and 50 Short Stories is officially over and that the Year of 3 Music Videos and 12 Finished Short Stories has begun. Expect a wrap up post within a few days.

It also means that the Hunter application is due at the end of this month. Don’t think I’ve not been thinking about it.

But, most importantly, it means we’re officially less than a decade away from Blade Runner, which means flying cars, androids, giant corporate pyramids in downtown LA, and battles in space. I am totally ready for it. How about you?

A brief summary of Pineapple Express as experienced by me this evening

Perhaps I shall endeavor to watch this Pineapple Express film I have heard so much about. Oh, look, it is offered by Netflix for streaming. How convenient.

Joe presses play.

FLASHBACK! FLASHBACK ENDS!

YELL YELL YELL!

POT SMOKING.

YELL YELL YELL!!! YELL YELL YELL!!!

POT SMOKING!

YELL YELL YELL!!!!!!

GUNS!

YELL YELL YELL!!!

MORE GUNS!!

GUY FROM FOOT FIST WAY GETS SHOT A BUNCH OF TIMES!

YELL YELL YELL!!

CREDITS!

Well, that was certainly something. Perhaps I should share my impressions with my loyal readers on The Black Laser?

The Theme for 2010

After much thinking, I’ve decided on my theme for 2010 (twenty-ten, say it with me). It’s a hybrid of two themes I discussed in my previous post on the subject. I hereby announce that 2010 shall be…

The Year of 3 Music Videos and 12 Finished Short Stories

I figure that I will be better served by endeavoring on a cross-disciplinary path, much as I was this year by making photos and writing stories. It allows me not to get too caught up in just one mode. If I am feeling stuck I can switch over and work on something else for a while.

I picked music videos because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I think it’s going to be fun and challenging and I’m pretty excited about it. It will give me an opportunity to flex some muscles I haven’t used in a while. I intend to pick three songs I like and make low to no budget videos for them. The songs can be anything since these are spec videos and using them like this is covered under my fair-use rights. The videos can feature anything at all, only limited by my ability to plan and my technical skills.

Astute readers will notice a change in the language regarding the short stories between the original conceptualizing post and this announcement post. Specifically, I added the term “finished” to differentiate the scope of the short stories for 2010 (twenty-ten) and the scope of the stories for 2009. This year, the point was just to write a lot without revisions or thinking too much about what I was doing. Just getting things did. Next year is about creating things that have real thought and effort behind them. The scope is grander, so the output will be lesser, but in terms of having finished work to share, the ultimate effect is much more significant. 12 solid, finished short stories is a collection at the very least, and, if they all work together, a book. That would be a nice thing to have.

Keep your eyes peeled for the remainder of my 5000 photos and 50 short stories for this year followed by a wrap-up post in the first week of January. Then it’s time to get the next year’s work going.

Thoughts on the Hunter alumni reading last night

Last night, Juli and I attended the Hunter Alumni reading night at the KGB Bar in the East Village after enjoying a meal of lentil soup and potato pancakes at B&H Dairy on 2nd Avenue. I have one word to describe the event—Wow. Now, that sounds fucking cheesy as shit, and it is, but let me explain.

But first, here’s the brief.

Please join us for the Fall 2009 reading featuring, Vanessa Manko (Fiction, 2008), Maya Funaro (Poetry, 2008) and Jason Porter (Fiction, 2008).

Vanessa Manko earned her MFA in Fiction from Hunter College (2008). After training in ballet at the North Carolina School of the Arts and dancing professionally with the Charleston Ballet Theater, Vanessa returned to school to earn a B.A. in English from the University of Connecticut. She went on to receive her M.A. in dance studies and cultural history from NYU’s Gallatin School. In addition to writing fiction, Vanessa writes about dance. She is the former Dance Editor of The Brooklyn Rail, and has written articles and reviews for Dance Magazine, NYFA’s Current, Dance Teacher, and Dance Research Journal. Vanessa is currently completing her first novel. She lives in Brooklyn Heights.

Maya Funaro’s chapbook Setting in Motion was released in 2009 by Fox Point Press. She completed her MFA in poetry at Hunter College in May of 2008. Her poetry has appeared in Ekleksographia, and Ology, the Graduate English journal of Hunter College. She holds a B.A. in Visual Art from Brown University and has studied printmaking, bookbinding and letterpress printing in Providence, Bologna and New York. Born and raised in South Jersey, she currently makes her home in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

After a brief career as an online news editor and a less brief non-career as a rock musician, Jason Porter completed an MFA in Fiction at Hunter College in 2008. He has since written a short novel titled Why Are You So Sad? and is hard at work on a new novel about a fallen celebrity boxer. Despite a perfectly happy childhood in southeastern Michigan, he is even happier to now call Brooklyn his home, where he is gradually aging along with his girlfriend and their two nearly perfect terrier mutts.

The KGB Bar, as awesome and Communisty and red as it is, is a tiny little upstairs affair you’d never know was there save for the sign on the street. The windows are curtained and you have to walk into what was clearly once a tenement building that has been converted into a bar/theatre/performance space. The KGB Bar occupies the second floor with the other things on other floors. Tidy! When we got there at about 7:40 for an 8 o’clock start time, only a couple of tables were filled. Mind you that there are probably only 8 tables in the whole place. Nevertheless, it was still relatively empty. By the time the first reader went on, it was packed. Passage to the bathroom was impossible.

The turn out was incredible. I recognized a number of current and former Hunter MFA students from the two open houses I’ve attended. It’s demonstrative of the strength of their community that they could fill this place up on a cold Tuesday night. It is certainly a good sign to me that Hunter is the right place for me. A program that inspires that sort of loyalty is attractive. I would like to be part of it. Now, I just have to convince them that I am right for them.