Press "Enter" to skip to content

Posts published in October 2011

The Atlas Moth’s “An Ache for the Distance”

I recently ordered this as an LP after listening to their first album A Glorified Piece of Blue Sky on Spotify. A lot. I fell completely in love with their sludgey/proggy sound. The album’s a downtempo wall of sound piercing your skull and sending you into the corner to hide. Fear The Atlas Moth. Worship The Atlas Moth.

It’s funny, as I get older I find myself drawn toward this sort of raw, less-produced, noisey, sludgy, loud sort of metal. There was a point when I was really into that super clean Killswitch Engage/Unearth/Darkest Hour sort of sound, but when I listen to the output of those bands these days, it just feels too sterile, a little boring, wildly over-produced. I still love their older records out of some sort of nostalgia, but I can’t help but be turned off by the cleanliness of their recent records.

In fact, the vinyl I’ve been buying is split effectively into two groups: black/sludge metal and indie music. You’ve got Barghest and The Magnetic Fields, Dark Castle and Bonnie Prince Billy, Coffinworm and Andrew Bird. And now we’ve got this new Atlas Moth record on the way and I am super super psyched about adding it to the collection. Maybe, The Atlas Moth and Neutral Milk Hotel?

Anyway, give the album a listen up there if that’s your jam. I am listening to it right now and it’s making these 20+ hours of Under Armor dailies all that much more palatable. I was going to tell you to head on over to Profound Lore and get a copy of the vinyl, but it looks like they’re sold out. Oops! HAHAHA! Suckas!

On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist III

Question:

My fiancé and I are researching venues for our wedding rehearsal dinner. We found an Italian restaurant that seemed perfect. We sat with the manager and came up with menu ideas, and told him we would come back that night to try the food. We returned with a couple of friends and spoke with the night manager, who knew about us and promised to “take care of us.” The meal was multicoursed and delicious, but we were shocked by a $300 tab. Were we wrong to take the manager at his word and assume the meal would be free?

You are always wrong to assume things whether you are assuming your sacrificial dagger is sharp enough to cut the still beating heart from another human or that you are in a place to receive charity from a restaurant owner.

Have you used your brain for even a moment and realized that the manager might have meant something other than “I will give you free food, you pathetic worms”? That perhaps he just meant that he would ensure that you miserable cretins would have a nice time and have your desires tended to? Have you thought about that? Of course you hadn’t, you presumptuous cow. You think that you should be given something for free because you asked or because you misinterpreted what he said? Do you think he needs to court you to ensure that he can continue to put food on his table? I assure you, wench, that he does not.

Your mewling cries for charity are pathetic. You are weak. Charity is the refuge of those who lack the strength to care for themselves and affect their own futures. “Oh!! We expected free dinner! We are getting married! Poor us! It was 300 dollars! The manager said something vague that we thought meant one thing but meant something else! WHINE WHINE WHINE!!!”

While you are out there planning for your “rehearsal dinner” and “wedding” and “reception”, I am carrying on the more important work of purging this world of the blight of Christianity and spreading the unholy power of black metal. Do you think I ever once expected to get anything for free? Never. Though a vast majority of my income is paid through Norway’s generous social welfare system, I never took a handout a day in my life. You could learn from me what it means to be strong, to fight against adversity, to struggle. Instead you whine and complain about how hard it is to find a place to fill the fat, unrelenting mouths of your “family” and “friends”.

Furthermore, your adherence to the Christian tradition of marriage makes me vomit blood into the snow. The steam rising from my vomited blood stinks of copper and bile and whiskey and even this stench does not accurately describe my disgust for you. Don’t get married. Break off the wedding. Your fiancé will be better off without you.

Die in a fire.

Soundtrack: Gorgoroth’s “Under the Sign of Hell”

Also posted at:

Oh cybergoths, will you ever stop amusing me?


It would have been better if they’d been choreographed. And moved their feet more.


“So, uh, Karl, where do you want to have this tanz party?”
“Oh, how about that underpass about 3km from here?”
“Ok, yeah, uh, sure. What time?”
“I think noon is good.”


Learn to kick with the left leg too, bro.

I’ll give you one guess as to where all of these videos were made.

TIME’S UP!

If you said anything but “Germany”, I have one question for you: how does it feel to be so utterly wrong?

I kind of feel like cybergoths are Europe’s juggalos: I will never truly understand either subculture, but the members are devoted as all hell to looking like complete idiots. And, man, are cybergoths serious about what they do. Look at all these dance parties! All outside during the…day? In parks? And underpasses? And town squares?

Wait a second.

First, what is “cyber” about dancing in a park? And second, what is “goth” about the daytime? Shouldn’t all you Karls and Dieters and Manjas and Gretels and shit be dancing at night in some warehouse surrounded by technology? To me, the word “cybergoth” conjures images of your traditional goth type in some sort of William Gibson cyberpunk realm, dark and brooding and integrated into technology. Kind of like how Priss looks in Blade Runner once she’s done her make-up before Deckard smokes her. But these rainbow-dreaded, zipper-saturated, glowstick Krauts dancing badly on the lawn are not at all what I have in mind.

At what point do you think to yourself, “Man, you know what would look great and definitely get me laid like nonstop? Neon green fake dreads and a black respirator. I am going to be drowning in pussy, bro.” Not that a cybergoth has ever used the word “bro” but I thought it would add a little something to the statement.

Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I lack imagination. Maybe I am a stupid, terrible prick, but I don’t get it. I don’t understand what would drive you to this sort of thing. I understand gangs and gang violence. I understand hipsters. I understand all sorts of people. But I do not understand cybergoths. Hell, I feel like I’ve got a better grip on juggalos than I’ve got on cybergoths. Does anyone want to explain these four-on-the-floor, Hot-Topic-pants-wearing, schnitzel-eating goobers to me? I need help from you, the internet. Someone tell me why I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life laughing at these clowns. Wikipedia’s not helping at all.

And don’t even get me started on the dance moves. Holy shit. It makes me want to go to one of these clubs and bust a fucking move where I don’t just spin my arms around.

What a bunch of g-d assholes.

Fuck the Facts Die Miserable stream

ARE YOU LISTENING TO THIS?! WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO THIS?! GO LISTEN TO THIS RIGHT NOW!!


Fuck the Facts Die Miserable stream.

Holy shit, I am so excited about this album. I preordered the LP yesterday before even listening to the stream. Let me tell you, I was right to do it. This album is amazing. Ridiculously amazing. I regret having missed them play the last time they were here in NYC.

God damn, Mel Mongeon’s vocals on this shit are so brutal. She out-metals nearly every male vocalist I can think of except for maybe Erik Rutan. MAYBE.

If you’re a fan of grind and you’ve never heard Fuck The Facts, prepare to have your face blown off, your wallet lightened, and all your stress blasted out of you by Montréal’s finest.

Brian Dances

This is the single finest piece of work I have ever done. Never again shall I reach such dizzying heights or experience the rush of seeing something so beautiful pour forth from my fingers. This is it. This is the last video I will ever edit in my life. I am putting down the proverbial axe and walking away. There is nothing else for me to gain here.

Behemoth’s “Lucifer”

Call me crazy, but I am going to go out on a limb here and venture that the visual motifs in this video were inspired by Nergal’s recent battle with leukemia. I know, I know, I might be reaching here, but I think I’m onto something.

The models doing their high-fashion Hellraiser thing are pretty funny too. Pink eye shadow is the most EVIL of all eye shadow! Well, here at The Black Laser it certainly is.

Evil unicorn! With red eyes!

The devil in a red smoking jacket speaking Polish!

Crispy corpse paint!

Drinking blood (messily) from a chalice!

Chewing on a rosary!

Ash falling from the darkened sky!

Hammering stuff!

Reversed footage of sparks!

Floating little girl!

A priest with tears of blood!

Really though, I think the most evil thing in this video is the crown-bearing chick’s unfortunate breast implants. Oy vey, those things are horrendous.

All in all, some fun, silly, horror-movie evilness from Poland’s death metal masters. It’s about as frightening as your average Halloween haunted house at the end of the cul-de-sac, but it’s still pretty awesome.

Underworld’s “Push Upstairs”

I don’t know why I’ve never posted an Underworld video here before. It’s a little bit like last Spring when I asked why I’d never posted a Pulp video here before. It doesn’t make any sense. I love Underworld. They are easily one of my favorite electronic music acts. There are few other groups that I can listen to as often and repetitiously as I listen to Underworld.

And then you have “Push Upstairs” which is my favorite track from Beaucoup Fish which is my favorite Underworld album. It is the album that I picked up way back in the late 90s that shifter my interest in electronic music from mere curiosity to full on love. I love this album and I love this song. I cannot tell you the number of times I drove home from high school with this pumping in my car as I sped up 280 or back from Tara’s house in the middle of the night or on my way anywhere. And it really holds up still. To me it does not sound dated though laced heavily with nostalgia. Compare it to other late 90s electronic music from the same era—The Prodigy or Crystal Method to name a couple—and where you’d immediately know other bands were old, Underworld has a timelessness about their music. I could and do listen to this all the time and never ever get bored.

Creative Projects-September: Dance Dance Dance, or, Barcelona-Vale! Vale!

September was a super strong creative month for me with not one but two dance videos (projects 10 & 11) and what I consider to be a nice return to my photo habit (project 12). You’ve seen the work and, I hope, enjoyed it as well.

The videos were fun little exercises in cranking out projects, the one we did in my apartment especially. The first video really needed to be put out quickly since it was a topical joke on that insipid video that Lanvin put out. So, it was. The edit only took a little while and the grade even less time. Of course, I was not happy with the first color correct, so I did it again the next day at work. The After Effects work to comp the problematic scenes was probably what took the longest, but, still, everything considered, the video was shot Thursday night and posted to the grand old interwebs Friday evening.

The Rubirosa video was slightly more involved on Sarah’s part since it required wrangling the staff of the restaurant, but my contribution was about the same as the prior video. Edit over a couple sittings, tweak this, tweak that, animate a face under a pizza, edit the music, make everything beautiful, and done. Luckily it was very well received by both staff and press, being blogged all over NY’s various foodie blogs. Pretty bad ass.

I might have also included the Ruby Kobo video in this list, but I took money for that so it doesn’t count according to the guidelines I established for this year’s theme. Regardless, I like how that came out too. Nice little video.

As I’ve mentioned before, the photos from Barcelona were the first set of photos I’ve posted to The Black Laser since July of 2010. I’ve taken a few photos in the interim, but nothing worth sharing, nothing I cared about. Honestly, I felt like I was done with photos and considered selling my photo equipment a few times. It would bring me a considerable sum as I’ve invested quite a few dollars into the habit over the years. But, I am glad I haven’t taken that plunge. I’ve just felt no inspiration to take photos, nothing has been popping out at me screaming “CAPTURE ME!!” I almost didn’t even take the camera to Spain since I wanted to pack lightly. Fortunately, I went with the old, “Fuck it, why not?” and took my stuff. I am glad I did and would have bitterly regretted not having my equipment in some of the places we went—Monserrat especially.

Looking back over the photos I took, and then comparing them to older photos, it is very clear to me that my eye is incredibly consistent, but that my technique and taste are getting better and better. Even with my year hiatus, I came back to the process of capturing images with a cleared mind than I remember ever having before. Indeed, I was much more critical of the photos I was taking as I was taking them than I ever remember being. Perhaps the break is exactly what I needed because I am definitely pleased with the quality of the selects. I wish I had taken more photos, but I guess I’ll just have to go back.

And how has the process of slowing my roll gone? Quite well in September, in fact. Besides some wedding-induced over indulgence, September has been quite a moderate month for me. I’ve been very deliberately eating better, too. I am now below 200 pounds for the first time in years and years. Encouraging!

While were were vacationing in Europe (mad bougie, I know), I was talking to JJ about how I really want to get back into shape, but how I just fucking loathe running. He suggested Crossfit which he said would kick my ass. I told him that needed my ass kicked. When i got back to the States (mad bougie phrase), I looked up classes in NY. I found a place close to work, but was intimidated by the cost. When I mention that to JJ, he was like, “Dude, that’s 3 nights of drinking. Shut up,” and I was all, “Yeah, duh. Ok,” and signed up. Though technically in October, I took a free intro class on Saturday and holy shit it kicked my ass. I gave me two things. 1) The clear knowledge that I am magnificently out of shape. 2) The desire not to have my ass kicked again. 7 minutes into the 10 minute workout I was seeing stars. My thighs still kill and it’s Monday. Amazing.

The intro course starts 10/17 and runs for three weeks. I will have more to say about it in my October recap, certainly, so look forward to that.

Let’s also talk for a moment about the amortization of expenses as they relate to drinks. I’ve written here on The Black Laser about how I amortize photographic expenditures, that is, a photo must be taken for every dollar spent on gear with that piece of gear. It’s sensible and it works. However, I’ve also found that a useful way for me to think about spending on things in my life is to measure it against what I would spend at the bar. “Oh jeez, 5 dollars for whatever thingie that would probably be really helpful?” 1 beer. “100 bucks for x, y, or z thing?” 1 Saturday out. “300 bucks for the intro to Crossfit course and two weeks of classes afterwards that will put me on the path to being more healthy?” 3 Saturdays out. Money I wouldn’t even think for a second about spending at the bar becomes incredibly difficult to spend in real life on other things that would be much more beneficial to me than a night of drinking that I might not even remember.

How stupid is that? Really stupid. But, the truth is that it is a useful hack that I’ve been using on myself for a long time. And it works.

Ok, lots of words about September. Hopefully October is just as productive. Oh yeah, 100% on the projects. WHAT WHAT!? Awesome. Everything from here on out is in the triple digit percentages. Healthy. I like it.