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Posts published in July 2011

Get Drunk Tonight – The Turkey’s Nest

July 29, 2011 |

Vox Critica and Writing

The Turkey’s Nest – Williamsburg, Brooklyn (N 12th St & Bedford Ave)

Have you ever been to North Brooklyn? Do you have a friend there? Have you ever passed through? Have you spent even ten minutes in McCarren Park? Then you’ve probably passed The Turkey’s Nest. You might have even been inside to order a conveniently styrofoam-cupped beer or margarita (get the one with absinth) for quenching your thirst in the nearby park. But have you ever actually hung out there? I mean, like, have you ever actually gone to The Turkey’s Nest to tie one on and remind yourself that while life is fleeting, sometimes it’s best not to remember parts of it for your own longterm psychological well-being? I bet you haven’t.

In stark contrast to newer Williamsburg’s hip bars with their bullshit dim lights and fancy drinks and bartenders who will actually talk to you, The Turkey’s Nest is a grim, unwelcoming reminder of the neighborhood’s past and I love it. I don’t like it at all, but I love it. If you’re looking for a place to sit with the lights on, drinking yourself into oblivion, not talking to anyone, and maybe watching sports, this place is your place. If you want to play pool with an aggressive dude and his weird mute girlfriend on what might be the neighborhood’s shittiest, smallest, most fucked up pool table, this is your place. If you want to get your drink on without the slightest bit of pretense that what you’re doing is anything but slow suicide (come on, we’ve all been there), this is your place.

You’ll never take a date to The Turkey’s Nest. You might go there with a girl—or guy if that’s your thing—and you might have been on a date beforehand, but crossing the threshold into the darkened world that is The Turkey’s Nest is the termination of your date. You might not even talk to each other again. That’s the sort of place The Turkey’s Nest is. It’s a destroyer of dreams, a breaker of homes, a shatterer of lives. You want a Super Big Gulp sized Budweiser? Sure you do. You want 3 shots of Jäger in a plastic cup? You can have that too. You want a fancy drink and a smile? Get the fuck out, asshole. Go to some trendy bitch bar.

I love The Turkey’s Nest and I hate The Turkey’s Nest. It is varsity level drinking at its worst and it serves a valuable role in an increasingly safe and boring neighborhood. When you are looking for a place where you will receive absolutely no bullshit, this is your place. Welcome, but you aren’t my friend. Get a drink and shut the fuck up.

If you are moved by this post to visit The Turkey’s Nest, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Thanks.

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> Continue reading...Get Drunk Tonight – The Turkey’s Nest

Death Metal Sunday – Hate Eternal, Origin, Vital Remains, and Abysmal Dawn

July 11, 2011 |

About Music and Music

Last night, I went to see Hate Eternal with Origin, Vital Remains, and Abysmal Dawn at Santos Party House here in New York City. What, you don’t know all those bands? Where have you been?

It was a lovely Sunday evening and the metalheads were out in force. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a proper death metal show before, but they are an event in a league of their own. I go to shows and usually end up getting super pissed off at the crowd of idiot drunkards who don’t have any real sense of how to behave at a show. You get dudes just pushing their way through a crowd or chicks getting all pissed when you are unavoidably shoved up against them. Really, you just get the whole gamut of asshole behavior. I’ve always felt that the broader a band’s appeal, the more poorly behaved the crowd tends to be. For example, when I went to see Chromeo earlier this year at Terminal 5, the crowd behaved so reprehensibly that it ruined my entire night. Some shithead even threw an entire drink onto my head from the balcony. Way to enjoy the show, asshole.

As such, you’d expect nothing but the most horrible behavior imaginable at a death metal show, but you’d be absolutely wrong. Because it’s such a niche genre, people go to the shows because they love it not to get fucked up or hit on girls or just be fucking worthless pricks. The sense of camaraderie at a show like that is palpable. You’re never fucked with, never bothered. People are unerringly polite, no one shoves you to get past. Metalheads know a little trick (which I learned at metal shows) I like to call “the small of the back touch”. It works all the time every time and no one gets pissed off at it. It’s show magic.

Great crowd of folks there last night who were psyched as hell to enjoy the punishing death metal onslaught the night held in wait. No doubt they were all pleased with what they received. Let’s talk about the bands!

Abysmal Dawn

Robbie and I arrived at the venue just as Abysmal Dawn were starting their set so I didn’t really get to hear more than a few songs from these guys. I don’t know the band’s music that well, but what I heard I liked. Just a bunch of no-nonsense death metal by a bunch of dudes from LA. I am interested to pick up their latest release and give it a listen. I’ll revisit this topic another time.

Vital Remains

Vital Remains was my first surprise of the night. They were another band I knew nothing about, but after watching their set I wondered why I hadn’t been a fan of theirs until that moment. With their dogged adherence to old school death metal stylings, how could I not be a fan? I would definitely go see those guys play again.

Origin

Origin is a technical death metal band about whom I’ve always had mixed feelings. As much as I like the insane layers of complexity they build into their music, I’ve always felt that the records were too sterile, too clean. It’s like they’d gotten so technical, that all the groove had been taken out of the music. I’ve commented before here that owning one Origin record is basically the same as owning all of them.

After seeing them perform live I am inclined to revisit my opinion of their recorded material. On stage they were dynamic, brutal, and utterly crushing in a way I did not expect from them. The lead singer really knew how to work the crowded into a hair swinging frenzy that was frankly quite amazing coming from a band I expected nothing of. Well, call me stupid, but Origin kicked fucking ass live. If, like me, you’ve taken a pass on Origin because they’ve seemed to sterile, give them a chance live. The show will change your mind. I might even say they put on the best performance of the whole night. I like Hate Eternal more, but you cannot deny that Origin brought their A-Game last night.

Hate Eternal

Holy fucking shit.

Hate Eternal is the only reason I went to the show in the first place. I didn’t know anything about Abysmal Dawn or Vital Remains and I was not excited to see Origin. Luckily, I was wrong about all that stuff, but the point stands that Hate Eternal was my entire reason for being there. I am convinced that they are the single best death metal band on the scene today. Erik Rutan is constantly pushing the limits of what can be accomplished in a well-worn music arena. Their most recent record, Phoenix Amongst The Ashes, is brilliant, as brilliant as any death metal record I’ve ever heard. I am a fan.

To finally see Hate Eternal perform for my first time was mind-blowing. You will never see such unbridled joy on my face as you will during a really great metal show and Hate Eternal had me beaming. When they played “Bringer of Storms,” I nearly exploded. I couldn’t bang my head hard enough.

Honestly I have nothing terribly smart to say about Hate Eternal. They fucking rule and you should go see them and listen to their records and be a fan and stop being such a god damned pussy about it. Seriously. Hate Eternal is awesome.

And one final note, I saw this shirt last night. Best shirt ever.

> Continue reading...Death Metal Sunday – Hate Eternal, Origin, Vital Remains, and Abysmal Dawn

The Black Laser Reads… Charles Bukowski’s “It’s A Dirty World”

July 7, 2011 |

The Black Laser Reads and Writing

For this edition of The Black Laser Reads I picked a relatively short short story by one of my favorites, Charles Bukowski, called “It’s A Dirty World” from his 1983 collection of short stories Hot Water Music. The subject matter, style, and tone could not be more different than “The Tell-Tale Heart” which made it an attractive choice.

I’m not sure I like my performance on this as much as the other one, but what are you going to do? These are supposed to be about learning, not putting out tons of ace material. It’s not bad, mind you, but something feels flat, a little wrong. I might just be hyper-critical so ignore my self-doubts if you would.

This time I also edited a lot less than the previous one. You’ll actually hear breaths in this one. I did, however, go through and get rid of any spit sounds. Sorry, purists, that shit is gross and I hate hearing it. If I missed any, it was not on purpose.

[audio:https://www.theblacklaser.net/projects/tblr/TBLR_02_Its_A_Dirty_World.mp3|artists=Charles Bukowksi|titles=It’s A Dirty World]
Download here. TBLR 02 “It’s A Dirty World”.

Check back for more! It’s hot as hell in my apartment when I do these without an air conditioner or fan running and with the windows closed. I’ve been sweating the whole time. I suffer for you all, my lovely Black Laserites.

> Continue reading...The Black Laser Reads… Charles Bukowski’s “It’s A Dirty World”

Creative Projects-June: Oh, Christ, again?!, or, Hello, velocipede.

July 6, 2011 |

About Music, About Writing, Music, Thoughts and Writing

It’s July 5th now and…wait. What the fuck? Where did June go?! Did this happen again?! Oh Christ. I had a whole month to accomplish something, yet my tally for projects for this year still stands at 4 of 12. Pathetic! Sure, it was a busy month at work and I did a lot of good stuff there, but none of that counts! Curses!

In other news, I’ve done quite well, I think, in pursuit of my other goal of slowing my roll. I’ve not been going out during the week, a new thing for me I assure you. I’m sleeping well, money stays in my pocket, and I feel good. All that is great.

I bought a bike this weekend and I am very excited about it. Not only did I fulfill a goal I set for myself last summer, but it feels damned good to ride around zipping past people. It should come as no surprise that I ride my bicycle like I walk: fast as hell. Why go slowly?!

In summary, not a lot to say this month. Hopefully July is more productive now that I’m feeling nice and easy about not drinking on school nights. Even a single drink is an impediment to my ability to produce creative work and staying dry will help. At the end of June I thought I would not be working again until Ford comes back mid-August and was looking forward to having a bunch of empty days to fill with projects and things, but last week I got all booked up. Good for my pocket book, not good for my free time. I’d rather be working than not, though, so it’s all right in the end.

I’m two behind at this point and something needs to give. My brain is not very creative these days and about the only thing I can think of is jokes in 140 characters or less. Summer time is a tough, stupid time for me. This is going to be tough.

Stay tuned, Black Laserites!

> Continue reading...Creative Projects-June: Oh, Christ, again?!, or, Hello, velocipede.