A Mexican girl on the subway flitted through inexpertly taken photos of herself on her little red camera as she stood in front of a taxi cab in her ill-fitting black dress, her features erased by overpowering flash. A child stared out the window as the train passed over the bridge, the city glowing indistinctly in the distance, hazy, uncertain. A sleeping man’s head bobbed as the train shook but failed to wake him. Something was eating away at my stomach, a memory trying to push its way through, a half forgotten shame that I felt but did not recall, and my mouth tasted like cigarettes and wine.
The descending major third told me that it was time to get off the train out into the night sky sickly orange with failing street lights. I told a man I did not have any money for him. A dog barked in the distance. I felt my pockets to make sure I had my wallet, my phone, my keys. I checked my phone for messages, but there were none. I realized I was hungry but there was no money in my wallet and no food at home. My hands ached. One eye was blurry and I thought I should clean my lenses in boston rewetting drops when I got home. Couples were sitting at tables in front of a restaurant chatting merrily, eating, loving each other, a rise in their cheeks a prelude. One woman made eye contact with me and quickly turned away. I told her I was sorry. She didn’t reply.