Be afraid.
Posts tagged as “Christmas”
Ok, so the title is actually “Rock & Roll Santa,” but listen to it and tell me she’s not saying a word that sounds quite a lot like that damn dish the Chinese use to fry up your lo mein.
You all know who Jan Terri is. We’ve all seen the atrocious “Losing You”. It has scarred us all. Now, prepare to be furthered scarred by “Wock & Woll Santa”. This song and video should have been throw to the wolves at the moment of birth, but this is the internet and nothing ever dies. In fact, the internet is Christ resurrecting the Lazarus of bad memories; you think something is dead and gone forever, and then it rises back up horrible and fresh and shameful.
Thanks, internet. You make my life wonderful and terrible.
I hope you’re having a festive Christmas with your family. For those of you who don’t buy into the whole “God impregnated a little Jewish girl who then had the baby in a fucking barn while three Asian dudes checked her shit out and brought her a bunch of crap she didn’t need and, oh yeah, there’s some farm animals hanging out too” spiel, then I hope you’re having a nice time off work. And if you’re unlucky enough to be working, then may god (the virgin impregnator) have mercy on your soul (such as it exists).
To celebrate this festive, made-up holiday, let’s watch some fucking videos, eh!?
First off, GWAR!!!!!!
Will Ferrell and John C Reilly’s Little Drummer Boy!!!!!!
Brett Domino doing Fairytale of New York!!!!!!
Majela ZeZe Diamond singing her Christmas hit!!!!!
A Very Tron Christmas Special!!!
Every year my friend Charles of Better Names for Baby, http://fuckyeahcharlesvestal.tumblr.com/, and A Year of Record fame releases a Christmas compilation of original Christmas songs by his friends. This year, I contributed one and a half songs: one I did with Charles called “TANZEN” and one I did by myself called “Robots Destroyed Christmas”. For those of you involved in my musical history, you will recognize that robots destroying things is a very very common theme in my music. I don’t know why, I don’t care why. It will no doubt continue to permeate everything I do in life.
Want to hear the two tracks I worked on? Here you go.
TANZEN–
[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/13%20___FROHLICHE%20WEINACHTEN___%20-%20TANZEN%20%28Radio%20Edit%29.mp3|artists=FROHLICHE WEINACHTEN|titles=TANZEN]“TANZEN” (German for Dance) was inspired by a conversation Charles and I were having one night at the Gypsy bar. We thought it would be funny to write a dance track where the only lines were “Ich bin Santa. Du bist ein Elf.” For those of you who don’t speak German (like me), that just means “I am Santa. You are an Elf.” The chorus is just “tanzen” repeated, encouraging the listener to get on the floor and shake dat ass with yuletide cheer. Later we incorporated the Frau Claus verse, the Ich liebe Rudolph movement, and the vocoder interlude. I think, for an afternoon’s hungover work, it came out pretty well. It makes me laugh.
Robots Destroyed Christmas–
[audio:http://cvcdesigns.com/xmas/10/songs/14%20The%20Black%20Laser%20-%20Robots%20destroyed%20Christmas.mp3|artists=The Black Laser|titles=Robots Destroyed Christmas]The production of this track was much more involved than “TANZEN” mostly because this is the first real track I’ve ever produced in Logic so I had to learn how to make things work. There was a whole hell of a lot of dicking around and noodling with sounds and trying to get things balanced. It also highlighted the need for a subwoofer for my computer if I am going to continue to make music on it. I can hear everything in the mid and high ranges quite nicely, but the rich low end I so desperately crave and is so vital to a decent mix eludes me. I apologize if this kills your sub. It shouldn’t.
In this track I wanted to explore a few Christmas-y themes: fire, death, robots, snow, blood. These are things we commonly associate with Christmas time and I thought that bringing them all together in one, hard-edged place that makes you want to dance was a good idea for the benefit of humanity. I think I accomplished something with this that I will be able to expand upon in further pieces of music about robots destroying things.
Now that I’ve given you a taste of the 14 tracks on the album, go get a copy here: It Pays to Be Nice: A Holiday Compilation by A Group of Friends 2010
Be sure to check out the track by mitzidodge too. Enjoy!
I was dicking around with Wordle (Wordle.net) and I came up with this gem.
It looks all Christmas-y and shit, but laced within its pagan boughs lies true evil! MWAHAHAHAHAHA. Awesome.
In the wake of the Christmas holiday, I wonder how many of you fully understand the true threat of Santa Claus. Obviously, Santa, as a clear anagram of SATAN, is the Great Deceiver in disguise, leading our youth into degeneracy and sin. Santa wears red; Satan wears red. Santa goes by the moniker “Old St. Nick”; Satan goes by the moniker “Old Nick”. Santa has a beard; Satan has a beard. Truth be told, the parallels are far too many and too clear to be anything but the honest truth. Here, hard, cold logic prevails in proving that Santa Claus and Satan are THE ONE AND THE SAME—the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Flies, The Great Deceiver, Beelzebub, Lucifer.
Don’t believe me? Well, get the full low-down right here:
SANTA CLAUS: The Great Imposter
I think my favorite piece of “logic” from the page I’ve linked is this:
What about Claus?
Is “Claus” another anagram for “Lucas”?
It’s no secret Lucas and Lucis are new-age “code words” for Lucifer. The Alice Bailey founded new age, occult publishing company was originally named Lucifer Publishing Company but in 1924 the name was cleverly changed to Lucis Trust. By the way, the Lucifer worshipping Lucis Trust is a major player in the works of the United Nations, formerly located in the United Nations building but now located on prime-time 1200 Wall Street.
Claus sounds a lot like “claws.”
Maybe Santa Claus means “Satan’s Claws”? Like a lion’s “claws”?
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
1 Peter 5:8
The emphasis is mine. What sterling, marvelous reasoning is presented here! Clearly “Claus” is just a secret, “new-age” (code for lesbian witch satanists who hate America) way of conjuring the Devil’s name: Lucifer. Duh. I mean, isn’t it obvious? Anyone can see the truth in that!
Here’s another marvelous gem of deductive reasoning.
Everyone knows Santa lives at the North Pole.
Brrr. . . Why the north pole? Nobody lives at the North Pole. . . Why did they pick the NORTH Pole?
Could it possibly be because someone else lives in the north?
Then he brought me to the door of the gate of the LORD’S house which was toward the north; . . . Ezekiel 8:14
1 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.
2 Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King. Psalm 48:1-2The Lord dwells in “the north, the city of the great King”.
By the way, remember what Lucifer said in Isaiah 14:13, when he rebelled against God? Remember where he was going to exalt his throne?
12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!
13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:
14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. Isaiah 14:12-14Where else would Satan (oops. . . it’s just too easy to get those two mixed up) Claus be but in the NORTH?
Oh, jeez, of course! Santa live in the North Pole, and Satan, who wants to be like God, ALSO LIVES IN THE NORTH. Therefore they are the same person! Wow! I can’t believe I never recognized this before.
Well, now that all you good boys and girls are saved by hearing the Good News I have relayed to you here, remember that Christmas time is a time for remembering Christ (who was not born in December) by decorating a cold weather evergreen tree (not native to Israel), giving gifts (like the Magi, I’ll give you this), and surrounding yourself with northern European symbols of winter (zuh?) and the solstice! It is not a time to revere the heathen image of Santa (SATAN) Claws for he is naught but the Devil himself in Disguise!
Don’t forget kids, Jesus loves you and he wants you to hate those that are different, i.e., non-white, non-Protestant, both of which categories the historical Jesus falls under!
Merry Christmas!
I have an admission to make. I love Christmas music. There is something so sublimely cheesy about all of it that I can’t help but like. And now that December has officially sprung, I have license to play my collection of quirky Christmas music for the next month. Awesome!
Then you won’t be surprised that I thought it was a surprise and true pleasure last year when my brother Charlie recorded an album of hi favorite Christmas tunes in a way only he could. They are rather nontraditional takes on classic songs. Check them out. I think you’ll dig them. A download link for the whole record is at the bottom.
[audio:vitamin-xmas/01.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=God Rest All Ye Gentlemen] [audio:vitamin-xmas/02.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Angels Have We Heard On High] [audio:vitamin-xmas/03.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Jingle Bells] [audio:vitamin-xmas/04.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Come All Ye Faithful] [audio:vitamin-xmas/05.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Oh Christmas Tree] [audio:vitamin-xmas/06.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Hark! The Herald Angels Sing] [audio:vitamin-xmas/07.mp3|artists=Vitamin|titles=Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas]Download: Vitamin – Christmas in Paradise