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Month: January 2012 (page 2 of 2)

Wallpaper’s “#STUPiDFACEDD”

This video and song seem really really fucking stupid, but they are not. Listen to his lyrics. Irreverent, yes. Stupid, no. I like the fuck out of this.

“That’s a metaphor, another metaphor.” Brilliant.

Now, having watched a few of his videos, I am pretty sure this dude is some sort of hilarious, evil genius. Onward, Wallpaper!

Yuksek’s “Always on the Run”

I imagine the director pitched the concept for this video a little bit like this: a bunch of fashion model southwestern crust punks hang out on a garbage dump, ride dirtbikes, rob a convenience store, and then return to their squat to celebrate except that one is sad. Then she kills them all with a baseball bat in a slow-motion sexy way.

Did I get it? I think I did.

The track comes from 2011’s Living on the Edge of Time. It’s good. Check it out.

Power Francer and D-Bag’s “Pompo Nelle Casse”

While clicking through Ultra Music’s youtube after enduring the fetid abortion that is the video posted below, I stumbled across this video for Italian electro outfit Power Francers. Now I like it a whole lot more than Countess Luann’s insult to music for three very simple reasons.

  1. The song is a lot better.
  2. The chick singing is hot.
  3. They allowed a developmentally disabled kid to be in the video.

Right? I’m right. It definitely brings on that “let’s party and get fucked up” vibe which I like so much. Of course this does not best the video for The Bloody Beetroots’ “Cornelius”, but nothing really does.

It’s also too bad Power Francer’s other music video sucks gigantic balls.

Countess Luann’s “Chic, C’est La Vie”

JJ sent this to me today with one word: “Horrible.” I think he nailed it. This is the most insipid piece of trash I’ve seen in ages. Why anyone would attach themselves to this garbage shows an unbelievable failing in judgment and taste. I then IMed it to Lindsey and she informed me that this woman is in fact a “real” housewife of New York City. And here I was thinking she was just some tranny mess.

Terrible.

I’ve always found the real housewives series to be thoroughly unpalatable. They endorse the absolute worst in people and encourage idiocy on a scale that is unconscionable. Just the worst. THE WORST.

I don’t even…

Just. Uh. Yes. This.

On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist VII

Question:

My boyfriend and I play backgammon every chance we get. We’re both competitive and hate to lose. Although we’re equally skilled, I win substantially more than half our games. It’s become an issue. Other than giving up the game entirely, do you have any suggestions?

-Backgammon Is Truly Causing Hurt

Losing is part of this crushing existence we all must endure. If you cannot stand to lose to your vile lifemate at some pitiful, insignificant game, then you must wear the laurels of the victor and stand proudly over him in his humiliation. Why would you feel worse for him because he cannot beat you in a simple game of backgammon? He is clearly inferior. Reject him and cast him away from you like the piece of rotting flesh he is.

But to humor you (I know not why I do this), what would happen if you threw some games now and then in order to create a false pride in your boyfriend? So that he might “feel” as if he is superior to you? Because, in the end, that is what this is about. He wants to own you. He wants to be in power. He wants to ride his charger over the battlefield, crushing in the skulls of his myriad enemies to eventually be called by the valkyrie to sit at Odin’s side in Valhalla and drink mead in the longhouse with his fellow warriors until Ragnarok. Is that not what all men want?

However, if you nearly vomited as I did at the idea of willingly allowing someone to defeat you to as to spare their “feelings”, then perhaps you are better off avoiding this trivial pursuit of backgammon. It is an imbecile’s game. And you and your boyfriend are imbeciles for allowing yourselves to get so worked in such a foolish endeavor.

Allow me to provide you with an example of a moment when losing actually mattered and how I dealt with it, since you wrote to me for my advice and I am your master. Three winters ago, a brutal winter with 3 meter tall snowdrifts and hungry packs of wolves picking off the infirm and elderly from the streets of Trondheim, my band, Argasthur, the finest black metal band in all of Norway, competed in the most underground, brutal battle of the bands ever to cast its darkened shadow on this sickening Christian country. We had released a tape demo called “Blood On Thor’s Hammer” which we had only made 25 copies of and handed out to no one. We knew well enough that no one could possibly understand the true brutality of the music we had committed to cassette. No one ever will.

And though we were the best band in the competition by a significant margin, we missed our set time and were disqualified because our lead singer had disemboweled and hung himself from a tree. We felt it was so true to the real meaning of black metal that we should have been awarded the top prize. Instead we were kicked out of the competition and subjected to numerous police investigations because they would not believe that he was able to disembowel himself while strangling with his hands tied behind his back. But I know.

Strength of will.

And that is what you, BITCH, lack. You lack the strength of will to do what our lead singer did and claim victory for yourself.

Commit murder suicide.

Soundtrack: Bathory’s S/T

Also posted at:

Pet Shop Boys’ “Heart Beat”

Did you know the Pet Shop Boys made a video for this song where Gandalf plays Dracula? NEITHER DID I. But they did! And it’s awesome.