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Month: May 2010 (page 2 of 5)

A Letter Regarding the Atmosphere of an Altogether Too Sticky and Hot Nature In My Apartment.

Dear mugginess,

You can suck my dick. I mean that. No, that’s wrong because it sounds like I want you to suck my dick. I don’t. Let’s start over, shall we?

Mugginess, you can suck on the boil-covered, blood-stained cock of a slaughtered horse. Better?

There’s nothing I like less than waking up multiple times a night sticky and sweating. It completely fucks up my sleep and then I get real dumb and real pissed. Regular old heat is fine, but this heavy air, moisture everywhere crap drives me god damned bonkers. Bonkers!

Last night I won out, though, mugginess. I have been avoiding turning on the air conditioner because it’s still May and I’ve never been fond of heavy electrical bills. But you know what’s more important than the difference between a 35 dollar and 60 dollar electrical bill? Being able to sleep. Cost/Benefit. ConEd can have the stupid 25 dollars if it means I am telling you to sit on one and spin. I managed my first good night of sleep in nearly a week since Nature decided it was time to crank the thermostat. Oh how I long for the days of Winter and easy sleeping!

So, you vile son of a bitch, I will endure the next months of your torture. You will not win. And then when Autumn rolls around again and I can safely say that you are behind me, I will laugh and dance and sing and you will be history. History! No more will I sweat as soon as I get out of the shower! No more will I have to wash my face when I arrive at the office! No more will my breathing be labored and heavy as you irritate my asthma!

And though I long for days spent relaxing in the park, enjoying the sunshine and its myriad benefits, all this heinous humidity can go straight to hell. Or the South. Whichever. Just stay the hell away from me.

Sincerely and with tremendous enmity,

The Black Laser.

Nasum’s “Wrath”

Because you DEFINITELY have not listened to enough grindcore today. Expect a return to regular posting within a week or so, friends. Shit be crazy right now.

People were smarter in the 50s.

Please just watch this.

Gene Hoglan, where do babies come from?

Burton C. Bell has it almost right. The sperm actually connect with the egg in the fallopian tube and then it drifts down into the uterus where it implants in the soft fleshy walls. If it happens in the ovary, you get an ectopic pregnancy, which just isn’t fun for anyone.

But, really, I think Gene Hoglan has the right of it. Pfft. Kids.

Axis of Awesome’s “Four Chord Song”

Something tells me I missed the boat on this one, but it’s pretty damn funny anyway. You’ll notice that there’s no Dio songs anywhere on their list.

RJD, now and forever.

When there’s lightning, you know it always brings me down….

Foreign Beggar & Noisia’s “Contact”

This is pretty awesome. Cool song, cool video, sense of humor, DIRTY electro beats. I’m into it.

Put THAT in your milk.

Lots of brain power right now, folks. Enjoy the videos.