Court is such a drag. It’s just like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The guy over there is talking about some crazy crap and the other guy is yelling, “Objection!” every once in a while and then there’s a bunch of dudes over there listening and some crap and I’m just sitting here bored to death, doodling on my little pad of paper. I wish I was outside. Look. Out there. See? It’s fucking hella nice today, dude. It’s like, the nicest day of the year or some shit. I bet there’s like a hundred dudes out playing golf today. I wish I was, four beer buzz, tearing ass around in the golf cart. I love that shit, man. Oh man. I love the smell of the grass and knocking the bits of dirt and crap from your spikes. I love the sunshine and the trees and when I kick the shit out of the dudes I’m playing with by like 1000 strokes. Fuck those guys, seriously. I’m such a better golfer than them it’s not even funny. But I like to have them around for funny and whatever. It’s way funner than sitting here in court. Ugh, such a bummer.
I am drawing such an awesome dragon right now. It’s flying crazy high above a mountain and I’m riding on it with a super hot chick with ginormous tits and I’ve got this sweet sword and the dragon is spitting fire on this lawguy who is just blah blah blahing over there, giving me a headache. I wish I had some water. Man, this drawing is so killer. The guys at the country club later are going to dig this shit, man. I wish I had some colored pencils or something right now too because I’d really like to color in the flames and put some blood all over homeboy for giving me such a bad headache so early on such a beautiful day.
I wonder what I’ll eat for lunch. I had pastrami yesterday and that was pretty good. I could probably eat it again but my wife would totally bust my balls for it. Nah, fuck it. I’ll get the pastrami and just tell her I ate a salad or some crazy bullshit. She’ll buy it.
Oh dude, seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever drawn anything this sweet before. I completely nailed the likeness of the guy with his bald head and stupid gay ass glasses and big fat belly. I’m not good at drawing hands though, so I drew him wearing oven mitts. I don’t know why. They’re just a lot easier to draw, I guess.
I bet there’s all sorts of killer hotties at the country club right now. Man, I could really go for a quick 9 and then tie one on something fierce at the clubhouse and maybe eat some buffalo wings. Fuck, man! This shit sucks! I got to get out of here.
“Your honor!” homeboy screams.
I look at him and say, “Uh, yeah? Like, what?”