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Tag: R Kelly

R. Kelly’s “Feelin’ Single”

Uhhhhh, musical theatre interlude? What? Kellz, just when we thought you had your shit together, you go and drop this shit on us? Thanks for always keeping up on our toes.

R. Kelly’s “The World’s Greatest”

Why did I awake with this streaming through my head? Why??

On the good side, it reminds me that I still have to get started on my Trapped In The Closet Project which will be a fun thing to do over Christmas when I am not working nor going anywhere. Should be lots of time to write about his magnificent R&B Opera.

R. Kelly’s “Ignition”

Because why the fuck not. I am convinced that R. Kelly is one of the most insane people in all of music right now. Seriously. The dude is batshit insane. I know I’ve yet to begin my series about Trapped in the Closet, but you have to believe me. R. Kelly is CRAZY. Go ahead. Watch “Real Talk” and tell me he’s well balanced. Go on now.

Now, go listen to the lyrics of “Sex in the Kitchen”. I’ll be patient. A particular quotation I like: “Y’all gotta read between the lines. Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch. Munch munch munch munch munch.”


And I think he’s great.

This video isn’t all that high on the general “My name is Robert” Craziness Scale™, but the hints are there. Listen to the lyrics for some classic R. Kelly nonsense. Great.

One of these days I’ll get around to my analysis of Trapped In The Closet, chapter by chapter, here on The Black Laser for you all to enjoy.

R. Kelly’s “Real Talk”

Ok ok ok, what I really want to talk about is the pure and utter insanity of R. Kelly’s R&B opera masterpiece, but that is a very involved posting, so I’m going to start with this gem.

In this track, “Real Talk,” Kelly is role-playing through a scenario in which his lady friend of 5 years suspects him of going out to a club with, in his words, “some other bitches.” I think his goal with this song is to show that everyone has the same sorts of problems with their women, e.g., the woman desiring to burn his clothes, listening to their “nappy-ass bitch” friends, and not being fully appreciative of the money given to them for the purpose of clothes and manicures. Kelly is exposing his humanity here. He’s not just a gold-showers-preferring pedophile who narrowly avoided jail time due to a poorly made copy of a sex tape, he’s also a man with real world problems who engages in the same sort of “real talk” we all do.

Highlights of Kelly’s “real talk” include:

  • “What they eat don’t make us shit! Real talk!”
  • “Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes!”
  • “Well tell me this: how the fuck she know I was with them other girls?”
  • “I don’t know why you fuck with them jealous, no-man-havin’ ass hoes anyway. Real talk.”

Really, I could write every word R. Kelly sings in this song, but you’re better off just enjoying it—and being enlightened by it—for yourself.