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Posts published in October 2010

Barry on It Gets Better

Well, here we were thinking that it was hype to have Tim Gunn dropping an It Gets Better video and then, BOOM, Barry rolls up and drops this. It lacks the tears of the other videos, but for the president to take time to contribute is pretty huge. It’s nice to know that at some level he’s listening.

A Letter to Men Who Wear Their Pinky Fingernails Long.

Dear you guys,

It’s gross! Stop it!

Really though, what’s the point? To you, guy, on the train this morning wearing your stupid American Eagle shirt holding an umbrella, what are you trying to prove? Are you trying to say to the world, “I live a life of leisure. I am a man who does not have to work. I am rich and have servants to tend to my needs,” while you are clearly on your way to work? Who the fuck do you think you’re fooling? You’re riding a train out of Queens. Drop the bullshit already. The pinky fingernail is gross.

And to the Chinese guys in Chinatown working on Kenmare hauling fish, I am likewise not convinced by your long pinky fingernail that you are wealthy and intelligent and well bred. Maybe it’s the crap under your other fingernails or the fact that you’re teeth are stained by smoking too much or that you are covered head to toe in fucking fish entrails. I don’t know, call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure most extraordinarily wealthy people don’t spend their early mornings on the streets of Chinatown covered in aquatic gore. Just a thought. Call me crazy.

Is anyone else as grossed out by this as I am? I’m pretty durable generally, and quite accepting of most of people’s idiosyncrasies, but the fingernail thing just skeeves me out. It makes me want to carry around fingernail clippers and cut their fingernails. Also, it’s fucking gross when people cut their nails on the subway. What the fuck, people. Get it together.

And don’t even get my started on those silly girls at the grocery store who wear such long fake fingernails that they cannot press the buttons on the register except with the balls of their fingers.

Unapologetically yours,

The Black Laser

Cannibal Corpse’s “I Cum Blood” Live

While chatting with Carol today, I needed to find an example of the synchronized death metal hair swirl and this was the first band I thought of. And, lo and behold, they didn’t let me down at all. Within 15 seconds of starting it, I had my hair swirling. Then I let the video play and it was so fucking awesome I had to share it with you. The song comes off Tomb of the Mutilated, a Barnes-era Cannibal Corpse record, but I think Corpsegrinder does a fantastic job with it here.

And, why, you ask, did I need an example of the swirl? Well, I was commenting that Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair” is the least metal song I’d ever heard about headbanging. She said it was hair whipping. And I said that it looked like the death metal swirl to me, so I found some proof. I’m not even going to link the Willow Smith song here. It’s vile. Enjoy the Cannibal Corpse instead.

This is either genius or insane. I am not yet sure which.

If you get to the end, like I did, of the whole 8 minutes and wonder, “Why did I just watch this?” then you get a cookie. I hope that we soon find out that this is the most brilliant piece of trolling since Basil Marceaux. I mean, the hair cut? Alternatively, I’d like to find out that this guy is just the product of too many dark Finnish winters. Either way I’d be happy.

Things that inspire me.

While browsing the Apedogs the other day, I came across a thread where folks were filling out these influence maps. I thought it was pretty cool so I did my own. See if you can identify all my sources. I almost definitely could fill out an entirely different second one of these.

After thinking about it a little bit more, I realized that I failed the Bechdel Test SO HARD. Terrible! It doesn’t change what my influences are, but it sure makes me look like a misogynist. Oops!

If you want to do your own, download the PSD here.

And, if you head over to Apedogs, check out the speed paint thread. Amaaaaaaaaaazing.