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Month: December 2008 (page 2 of 5)

There are no words…

…for how awesome this is. And how horrible. I don’t even know what’s going on. This speaks for itself on so many levels.

[flv]https://www.theblacklaser.net/blog/wp-content/video/shine-on.flv[/flv]

Just know that is comes from here: Chris Dane Owens.

Samurai Zombie

I absolutely need to see this movie right now. RIGHT NOW. Here’s the official page on which I can understand exactly zero words.

Does this not look awesome? Holy crap. I can’t wait.

Poni Hoax’s “Antibodies”

Here’s your daily music video from me. Be careful, since there be boobs in that thar vidya. Nothing sexual or nothing, just some naked French boobs.

I wish the director had put it up on Vimeo in HD since the photography is excellent. The edit is sharp and smart and really matches the track nicely. It’s just a damn good video all around. Check out the director’s other work on his page.

The Duggars & Severe Torture

Contrast is often the source of tremendous humor in my life. Juxtaposition is the root of all hilarity.

I am at work right now, assisting on two jobs (Comcast and Rosetta Stone) and doing what comes naturally while waiting to be useful—reading random crap on the internet. Today I’ve been reading the homepage of The Duggars, the family in Arkansas that has like, what?, a million kids? I thought my dad, with 11 kids, was a prolific breeder, but these folks definitely win that contest. But that is neither here nor there.

By extension, I was also reading the site of the eldest of the Duggar children, Josh, and his new marriage. Fascinating stuff.

Here, working at the office all weekend, I’ve had my metal playlist on shuffle by album. I’ve had a sampling of Neurosis, Machine Head, Napalm Death, and a bunch of other bands. All good there. It’s been intense, at a relatively low volume since two editors are working. Pig Destroyer played at a manageable volume is still enjoyable.

The Duggars are a devout Christian family with a heavy emphasis on traditional, Bible-based morality. They believe that their family is a work of God and that they exist on this planet to serve Jesus. I’m not going to argue with that. If you want to believe that, fine by me. You got to do what you got to do, you know?

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I’m reading the Duggars’s site’s section where they talking about talking to a Christian medical doctor when something in the back of my brain starts yelling at me about something, something I should be noticing. I was not fully aware of the music playing since I was intently reading the site. But the yelling in my skull got louder and louder until I took and breath and heard what was playing on the speakers behind me. What I heard was this:

[audio:st-sawn_off.mp3|artists=Severe Torture|titles=Sawn Off]

Are you fucking kidding me? That shit is awesome. I was sitting reading the most conservative text I’ve read in ages and behind me the gnarliest Gore Death Metal is playing? It was absolutely perfect. It reminds me of when I was a teenager, 14 or so, and I’d come home and put the church channel on and play Deicide through the speakers as a point of contrast. Hilarious. There’s nothing funnier than images of saints and angels while “Once Upon The Cross” plays in the background. So imagine how great it is for me to have that happen completely unintentionally. It was like magic! BLACK MAGIC.

Am I appalled or intrigued?

¡Watch the whole thing! The real magic is at the very end…

Can humans eat things like this and not just keel over dead? Is Paula Dean secretly a machine from the far reaches of outer space whose nuclear reactor core runs on sugars and fats? Is she plotting to conquer the Earth and enslave us all to work her butter mines on distant planets? Am I becoming increasingly neurotic since the revelation of this whole doppelgänger thing?!

Um, hello? Who said this was ok?

Apparently, I have a doppelgänger somewhere who is having his face painted on walls in London. My cousin Steven pointed me toward the evidence which I gladly display for you here.

n1290762706_17136_2037

What the hell? People are often told they look like someone else and, mostly, it’s a stretch to find the similarities. There will be one thing that’s similar and the person making the connection will have an overactive imagination. “Oh, you’ve got black hair, and it reminds me of Freddie Mercury, so you look like Freddie Mercury.” Yeah, sure, whatever.

But in this case, I have to admit that this is a pretty striking resemblance. Were it not for the obvious geographical issue (I’m in NY) and a whole host of other issues (How did they get my face? Who painted this? What the hell?), I would actually think this is a painting of me. It’s uncanny and freaking me out in a way, but the narcissist in me is overwhelmed with joy that my face is on the wall somewhere in London (even if it isn’t actually my face).

The other option is that my doppelgänger is out there somewhere doing something to get his face blazoned on the walls of London tunnels. Clearly this can only lead to trouble for me in the long run so the solution to this issue is clear; I must immediately begin training in the deadly arts, track this shouldn’t-exist version of myself down, slay him, and drink his blood to take what is currently two and make myself whole again. That is without a doubt the only rational choice to make in these circumstances. I mean, what would you do when faced with tangible proof that someone else is out there wearing your face like a mask and committing unspeakable acts of sheer lunacy? Unless of course I’m the evil one. In that case, my whole life suddenly makes a lot of sense. Hmm. Food for thought.

Pikachu, I chose you…. TO DIE!!!!!!

“Fuck shit up!”

And in case you AREN’T a huge Sepultura fan, here are the lyrics.

Chaos A.D.
Tanks on the streets
Confronting police
Bleeding the plebs
Raging crowd
Burning cars
Bloodshed stars
Who’ll be alive?!

Chaos A.D.
Army in siege
Total alarm
Im sick of this
Inside the state
War is created
No mans land
Whats this shit?!

Refuse/resist
Refuse

Chaos A.D.
Disorder unleashed
Starting to burn
Starting to lynch
Silence means death
Stand on your feet
Inner fear
Your worst enemy

Refuse/resist
Refuse/resist

Yes.

Update: Here’s the original track for you to listen to.

[audio:Refuse_Resist.mp3]

Cathedral’s “Hopkins (Witchfinder General)”

seal_of_approvalIn a previous post I mentioned the Earache My Eye tape. This video by Cathedral was one of the videos on that tape and always seemed totally incongruous because it’s not very heavy and it has a very showy style that didn’t fit in with the videos by other bands like Godflesh and At The Gates. I remember it always being the video I would fast forward through on the way to Carcass or whatever was next.

My friend Deegan just posted it in a comment and, looking back on this, it’s actually a pretty fucking sweet ass video. It’s got intense ass Barbarian metal babes, the Devil doing some crazy shit, Vincent Price, and who knows what the fuck else.

All in all, pretty bad ass. Check it.

See? I officially give it The Seal of Approval.