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Black Friday Embarrassments

Dear America,

Do you remember my last posting?

I thought I was annoyed then, but now I am truly mortified.

Did someone working at Walmart really need to die so that you could get discounted Dora The Explora’ merchandise for your kids? Are you kidding me? Not only is this tragic, but it makes me so fucking sick I could throw up all over everything. I’ve said this before, but they are just things, people. That TV or whatever will be there tomorrow. No one needs to die for you to fulfill your consumer tendencies.

Look, new TVs are cool. I get it. I have a TV. I like it. It allows me to watch films and nature shows at home. It also allows me to waste time and sleep killing Super Mutants in Fallout 3 on my 360. I get it. That stuff is good. But no one needs to die for you to get your Rachel Ray fix. The worst part about it is that the guy died at a Walmart which means that he didn’t even die for a luxury item like a Ferrari or something, not that it matters, but come on. I walked into the store casually, purchased the television and had delivery arranged. NO ONE DIED. Amazing, right?

Call me crazy, but I don’t think saving 10% on some crap I don’t need anyway is worth the stress induced by massive swarms of people like wasps attacking someone who has violated the sanctity of their nest. It brings to mind a day last year when Juli and I went to Macy’s to buy some plates because we were going to have people over for Christmas dinner. We were in the basement and carefully tried to select plates without any chips or nicks. When we got home, she discovered a plate with a minor chip on the bottom lip and she suggested I go back an get my money for it. I nearly flipped my shit at the prospect of wading through the thronging mobs at Macy’s on 34th Street just to return a fucking chipped plate. Maybe I overreacted (just a tad), but there is a reason I do most of my shopping at off hours and online. I cannot take the crowds and craziness.

So believe me when I say I cannot comprehend the mindset that drives people to stampede a big box store on Long Island and kill someone working the door. Just crazy. In the end I am not surprised; people have tremendous potential for idiocy and mania. It is sad that something so utterly trivial prompted such bad behavior.

And India? Wow. I don’t even know what to think about that yet.

Humanity, you need a time out.

2 Comments

  1. Don Doom Don Doom December 3, 2008

    What is fucking crazy about this is that the people that trampled this poor guy to death would not leave the store until they got their purchases, even though they knew they had killed someone. “Ive been waiting here all night, and Im not leaving with out my Spongebob dildo or my backyardigans buttplug…..” Do you realize you just took another human beings life? Get the fuck out of Walmart and go choke on your pathetic existence. I hope Santa greets your stocking with a warm pile of shit.

  2. Andy Stearns Andy Stearns December 6, 2008

    I’ve started to not care that people are retarded…makes life easier for the rest of us. It’s getting increasingly easy to avoid the unwashed with things like the internet. Any also with anti-depressants! It’s way less stressful.

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