“About a few minutes ago.”
We all love Youtube. It’s a great place to find new music, to entertain yourself for hours with stupid minutes-long videos, to watch music videos, to watch movie trailers, to watch bits of TV shows, to watch videos of people hurting themselves, to watch videos of reporters fucking up the news, to watch Bill O’Reilly be an asshole in a million ways, to watch so many things all the time. It’s a wonderful place filled with wonder and mystery and terror.
Wait. Terror? What terror?
The kind of terror you see above.
I cannot fathom what brings people to post videos online like those I’ve posted above for you. Why on Earth would you post an unfocused, poorly shot, poorly conceived ramble on the internet? It makes no sense! “But, Joe,” you say, “you post unfocused, poorly shot, poorly conceived rants on The Black Laser all the time!” To that I say, I do not. My rants are focused, sharp as a tack, and brilliantly designed. But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about the mindset.
At what point did cubsrule2040 decide that he wanted to post nearly 2000 videos on Youtube? His content ranges from elevator rides to overviews of his fast food floor dinners to poorly animated logos. Why does he post all these? What inspires him to video himself riding an elevator and then share it with the entire world? Especially when he makes mistakes sometimes? I would never put something online where I’d made a mistake. That’s what reshooting and editing are for.
And, what exactly possessed SenxOfFemur to post his thunderstorm review (“why did it record this way?”) when there was, in fact, no thunderstorm to be had? Did it need to go online? Was it something that his willing public (88 views, probably 15 of them mine) was dying to experience with him? The utter failure and collapse of a dream? And why did he not just rotate the video when he was cutting it? WHY DID HE NOT JUST ROTATE THE VIDEO? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?
Then there’s DRaymond1987’s nearly 9 minute stream of consciousness ramble about missing his girlfriend, the different timezone she’s in, and his interminable waiting for her. Why shove that vile looking blue ball into his mouth while we are forced to stare at his face? The way it turns his mouth blue? Oh my god! Get a haircut! Of course, he had more than 250 additional videos. And why call us “peeps”? Is this some sort of pet name we’ve all agreed on by being the 6th viewer on some of his videos? In one of his videos, he directs us to his Facebook “fanpage” which he never updates and to his Twitter account. If you’re not already one of his 104 followers, you’re missing such brilliant tweets as “Bitches are funny though” and “ROFLCOPTER, my battery gonna die.” and “Somebody help me LMAO”.
Maybe I’m being hypercritical, but come on. I started this blog to have a place to post various creative things I was doing, and, sure, yes, I am also a compulsive oversharer like these guys. But I do it with an eye on quality and a focus on continually improving my skills. I am not sure that cubsrule2040 has any interest, more than 1900 videos later, of improving his filmmaking skills as he posts 9 videos in a row of different coins. Why do something so consistently, so determinedly, so regularly, for no one, if you’re not trying to get better at something? Practice makes perfect, they say, but not if you’re not giving a second thought to the product you’re putting out. I guess, besides the strange mania of posting videos for no one, the thing that I understand the least is why they continue to put out complete garbage video after video after video.
If any of you three guys find this and want to chime in, please do. There are comments below. Yet, these three are not the only people posting videos like this. Youtube is full of them. If you’re one of them, tell me about why. If you know of someone else, share with me. I must get to the bottom of this incredibly strange phenomenon. Having a video camera does not mean you should use one. These are perfect examples of why.
You know yesterday I was all, “Oh man, Jayherrod1 is sooo great” and whatever? Well, I was totally right about that, but I’ve also found some new hot business on Youtube that I just absolutely must share with you. He goes by the handle slipoka. I don’t know what the hell it means, nor do I care.
I have never before taken advice from disheveled shirtless men, and though I am not going to starts now, slipoka is trying to change my mind. He’s failed, but he’s trying. I think my favorite thing about this video is the obvious care that went into its production. First we have the sleeping dog on the love seat in the back. Then we have laundry strewn about the same love seat. And don’t let’s forget that he hasn’t combed his hair. Or put on a shirt, which we can only assume is in the pile of laundry on the love seat. I also get a kick out of the fact that he cares so much that he couldn’t do a second take in which he does not receive a text message. Production values THROUGH THE ROOF.
When you’re done with Jayherrod1, pop on over to the old Yotubes and check out the remaining 102 videos posted by slipoka.
And because I’d be remiss in my duties you, my loyal readers and consumers of my brain’s mania, here is his cover of Journey’s “Open Arms”.
Do you think Rebecca was mad after hearing that?
Man, I was on my way over to here to post about how Jayherrod1 is SO last year and how slipoka is the new hot shit, but then I saw this video and realized that I am full of crap. Jayherrod1 will never, ever, in a million billion years (no hyperbole) be anything but the single most amazingly insane Youtube video contributor of all time forever and ever and ever.
REMOVE MY GALLBLADDER!? Oh my god. I fucking LOVE this guy. He’s so nuts.
A couple more gems below.
Mind that these were all posted within the last week. And do you want to see the absolute best one?
Earth to Selena Gomez! Earth to Selena Gomez!
Go to his Youtube page to watch his other 127 videos. 127 MORE videos. That’s right.