FUCK YES THIS IS AWESOME.

That is all.

Behemoth are back with another Grupa 13 produced video for a track from Evangelion. While I don't think it quite lives up to the sheer evil awesomeness of "Ov Fire and The Void", this video is still pretty bad ass. Mind that there are a couple of NSFW shots of a clergyman nailing a blonde chick. You've been warned.

Let's examine the elements that make it awesome.

• Sewn-mouth kids water priests with blood.
• Nergal as Iron Indian Evil Dude.
• Faces writhing in some black goop which we come to realize at the end is actually the Hell living inside Nergal. Awesome.
• A chick cutting her own throat.
• Swarms of flies.
• The chick floating out of the slime.
• An awesome fucking song.

God damn it, Behemoth rule. These guys are just awesome. This video is not as well made as the last, but who cares? It still kicks the ass of about 99% of other metal videos out there by miles. And because The Black Laser is awesome, I am linking you to the uncensored video from Vimeo rather than the bullshit censored version from Youtube. Unfortunately, Metal Blade decided that I shouldn't be able to embed it on this domain. SUPER LAME, METAL BLADE. It's never very metal of you.

Yes, you're welcome. Get well soon, Nergal!

Because I'm in Richmond, Virginia this week and when in a place you should go see fucking metal shows, I am going to check out Black Cobra tonight with Rio. Awesome. You know what's better than trips to see friends? Trips to see friends that involve going to metal shows. Killer.

On Tuesday night I went to the Music Hall of Williamsburg to see High on Fire with Unearthly Trance and Natur at the behest of my buddy Josh. It was a pretty good show, but I didn't stop thinking the whole time, primarily because I wasn't drinking. Hah! Some thoughts in chronological order.

Natur

I had never heard of or heard this band before Josh asked if I was going to see High on Fire, but as it turns out the band is comprised of a bunch of friends of my friend Angela, dudes I've partied next to, if not exactly with. I walked into the venue part way through their set and immediately recognized them as the dudes in the Black Metal shirts I used to see at Motor City all the time. Small world. That also meant that I knew a bunch of folks in the crowd which was pretty fun.

Musically, Natur is a thrash band with heavy reference to the old school. I thought they rocked, and I particularly liked that the drummer Tooth kept throwing the upside down cross with his drumsticks. Fuck yes. My buddy Joe Hogan noted that he'd seen them play twice before, but that this was the first time he'd actually heard them. I was glad for that. There's nothing to spoil your first impression of a band like bad sound.

I couldn't really tell you much more about the songs they played save that I enjoyed the set and would be excited to see them again.

Unearthly Trance

Unearthly Trance is the main band of Ryan Lipynsky, who has been mentioned here before, so I was pretty excited to see them play. Loud as fuck, doomy as hell sludge, they totally rocked. Apart from a blown bass head, the set went off without a hitch that I noticed.

Though I didn't know any of their songs going into it, I've really been enjoying The Howling Wind record I won. Not the same exactly, but in the same realm. You know when something is so loud that you actually feel your eardrums vibrate? Yup. Unearthly Trance did that to me. Now, you'll say, "Joe, why aren't you wearing earplugs?" to which I'll reply, "SHUT UP. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME."

Why is it that the metal bands doing the most interesting shit in metal are typically the dudes who look least metal? Apart from the drummer's Nile t-shirt, you'd never think these guys were metalheads if you saw them walking down the street. I like to call guys like that sleeper agents, ready to bring the fucking metal any time but can blend in to regular society, insidiously spreading the message. It's a term I coined to describe myself when I'd meet new people and they'd find out I'm way into metal. They would inevitably say something like, "Wow, I never would have thought you'd be into death metal." And I'm all, "I'm a sleeper agent, baby."

As with any metal band, Unearthly Trance's real centerpiece was their drummer. Darren Verni worked up a hell of a sweat on stage and totally fucking killed it. He was attacking his drums with pure rage. Recommended. I feel sorry for Josh who decided to sit the set out. Your loss, buddy!

High on Fire

I've never understood High on Fire. They're a metal band and all, but their appeal has always been a mystery to me. I've heard their records, seen the music videos, and whatever, but their music has never really clicked with me in the same way as so many other bands. After seeing them live, though, I feel like I get it a little better now. I'm still not a fan, but I at least understand sort of where they are coming from in terms of the metal they make. I described them to my friend JJ as "tough guy hesher party metal." I think that's pretty accurate. They definitely rocked the venue and the crowd was way into it. I enjoyed the set, but I don't think I'd go out of my way to see them play again.

Their energy was undeniable, but by the time the set ended and they went backstage for their "Let's pretend the show's over, grab a beer, and then go back out and play our mandatory encore" I seriously considered leaving. I think the crowd threw me a little. It must have been the most aggro crowd I've seen in a while.

There's something funny about metal that many of you non-metalheads don't understand. The heavier a band gets, the more extreme their music, the less aggressive the crowd becomes. It's not that there isn't aggression, it's that the people at the shows are less aggressive to each other. For example, if you go to see Portal and Gorguts as I did a while back, you get a crowd who is way into the music but not being a bunch of fucking dicks to each other. Same for Pig Destroyer or Brutal Truth or any incredibly heavy metal show.

Now, you get these bands that are heavy but somewhere in the middle ground, like High on Fire, and the meathead cocksucker contingent comes out in force. They're the guys who are aggressive as fuck, but intimidated by genuinely extreme music. They also don't really get the metal show etiquette and think that it's all about fighting and aggression and shit, when it isn't. It's about release and rocking out and the music, but never ever about fighting. If you knock someone over in the pit, you help them up. That's rule number 1. You try to avoid the chick who doesn't know better and is standing on the edge of the pit. No fucking karate dancing, asshole. If someone bumps you, don't get all bent out of shape about it. Am I the only person who thinks these rules are real? I doubt it. I've seen similar etiquette at shows since I've been going in my early teens. You learn it. You follow it. Everyone has a good time.

But the crowd the other night seemed to be ignorant of these common, unspoken rules of the metal show. I nearly got barreled over by some fucking 6'9" giant of a man a few times who couldn't be bothered just to take his time working through the crowd. He kept coming and going pit to bar, pit to bar, pit to bar. Anyone who's been to a bunch of shows knows how to work his way through a crowd. I like to call it "the hand on the back". It will move anyone, it's not dick, and it works. People don't mind being touched when there's a billion people all around you to see Slayer or whatever; it's unavoidable. But just pushing your way through is rude. Bad etiquette.

So there you go, a bunch of arbitrary opinions and bullshit. If you wanted informed analysis, go read Cosmo. If you want senseless blathering, The Black Laser is your jam.

If I had to rate the sets from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, I'd do it like this.

• Natur: 7
• Unearthly Trance: 9
• High on Fire: 5

More show reviews as I go to them.

Do you want to see the most inoffensive video with a ridiculous warning label at the front I've ever seen?

Of course, if you are of light constitution, you might find it offensive. I didn't. Here's a list of things one might consider "offensive".

• Swedes in corpsepaint.
• Blast beats.
• A rather tame, silly suicide scene.
• Corridors.
• Drummers.
• Leather.
• Fake blood.
• Pentagram doublets.
• Dudes with hoods on in the woods.
• Silly disclaimers.
• Flies caught in spiderwebs.
• Bassists looking melancholy.
• Pools of light.

If you find any of those things offensive, then, well, what are you doing here? The song's pretty good though, if Black Metal's your thing. Give it a whirl.

Because I am going to see Unearthly Trance with High on Fire and Natur next Tuesday, here's a video. Sludgy as fuck. Enjoy!

My friend MHR IMed me just a moment ago with this request.

Monday, June 7, 2010

MHR @ 12:20 hello1
who's song is "oh my god"
blanking and must have------->

Space Pope @ 12:22 Oh my god?
Like "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!"

MHR @ 12:22 yes.

The answer is the song posted above. Listening to it just now after sending it to her, I remembered how god damned bad ass Strapping Young Lad is—particularly the album this track comes off, City—and how much this shit makes me want to throw the claw and punch everyone in the world in the face and then laugh and call them a cocksucker. It also makes me real pissed that I lost my stupid bag on Friday night which had my iPod in it which means that while I could have been listening to City right now, I can't. Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

And, as a bonus, a hilarious, if utterly inferior to the original, cover of the song by Cryptopsy.

In case you didn't get enough Portal footage yesterday (not the game, Dingus), here's footage from the show I saw at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. This band is so rad.

I haven't listened to Gorguts since their 1991 release Considered Dead, but when my new buddy Vince Neilstein of MetalSucks suggested I check out the show I figured I might as well. If nothing else it would be a rocking good time and metal as fuck.

Apart from what I perceived to be a little bit of sloppiness on the lead singer's part, the rest of Gorguts was INCREDIBLY fucking tight. And, really, when did it ever matter if Death Metal was super tight anyway? Have you heard the first Deicide record? Early Morbid Angel? Who gives a shit? The band slayed. It was really great and I would definitely go see them again. They played a couple of new songs which they referred to only as "Number 3" followed by "Number 2". I'm having a hard time deciding which of the two was my favorite, but I'm thinking that "Number 2" for sheer intensity wins out by a narrow margin. Altogether incredible. I will definitely pick up the record Gorguts will be releasing in 2011.

The set was surprising to me because I remember Considered Dead being a run-of-the-mill kind of Death Metal record. I still have it somewhere from when I bought it in what must have been 1993. It was never high in the rotation, but bands age and change and get better or worse. It's worth a relisten.

And then there's Krallice. Or, then there's wasn't Krallice, which was real strange because at least one of their members, Colin Marsten, was there playing bass for Gorguts. Maybe I missed them? I arrived just as Bloody Panda finished which was an hour and half into when the show was scheduled to start. Too bad. I was pretty excited to check them out.

For me, the real stand out of last night was Portal. I'd heard their name bantered about on the metal blogs and whatever, but I'd never listened to them. Before I get into a description of their set, let me preface with a few videos, ok? I mean, that's why you come to The Black Laser, right? Videos?

The first is a live performance from 2008.

The second two are part of their set from the night before I saw them.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. The lead singer (vocalist?) throws the claw the entire set. The set was so offensively awesome that I can barely contain myself. Not knowing anything about the band, I don't have much to write except my undying praise for them. I am a now a die-hard Portal fan for life. I'm going to order all of their records from Amazon today. God damned amazing, man. I've never seen a bassist play as fast as this guy did last night. And I love the theatricality of the whole thing. It's evil as fuck and silly and serious and awesome. The lead singer (vocalist?!) dressed a lot like I've always imagined the Space Pope to look like, except more of a community theatre version. The real Space Pope would never wear a strap to keep his mitre on.

But, seriously, check them out. They have to be one of the heaviest bands I've ever seen live. It's a blistering wall of devastation and everyone should listen to them. Wow. Just wow.

Joe Shivers, you missed out.

One last note. It made me laugh to recognize that as I write about this br00tal, kult as fuck metal show I went to last night, I'm jamming out to Major Lazer & La Roux's Lazerproof which was released yesterday. Hah! How contradictory can one person be? But isn't that part of what makes life fun and interesting?

Because you DEFINITELY have not listened to enough grindcore today. Expect a return to regular posting within a week or so, friends. Shit be crazy right now.

Burton C. Bell has it almost right. The sperm actually connect with the egg in the fallopian tube and then it drifts down into the uterus where it implants in the soft fleshy walls. If it happens in the ovary, you get an ectopic pregnancy, which just isn't fun for anyone.

But, really, I think Gene Hoglan has the right of it. Pfft. Kids.

This band is awesome. I mean, what's NOT to like about this? I can't think of a single thing beyond the video itself. This song kills and the entire record, The Thin Line Between, is a perfect example of something done completely right by Canada. They're also a prime example of one of the weirdest things about Heavy Metal and Hardcore bands: a band with absolutely no original members left. What are you guys, a baseball team? That seems so weird to me. It's one thing to have line up changes. That happens. But once all the original members are gone, why not change the name? You've already changed the sound. Might as well have a new name. Of course, there's an argument to be had for the branding of the band, but still. This is metal we're talking about, not fucking Coca-Cola.

High fructose corn syrup is killing you. Eat more animal fat.

I've said it before and I'm going to say it again right now: Celeste is fucking amazing. If you are a lover of extreme music and you haven't yet downloaded their records FOR FREE, then you had better get yourself over to their site and download them right now.

And you know what? While you're there, send them a little bit of cash. I did. And I think you should too. I also ordered a shirt. I am a big fan of artists that just give away their work for nothing and I am happy to throw them a little bit to say thanks.

edit// Had to add this.

I will never refer to this band as "Rhapsody of Fire" even though that's what they had to legally change their name to a few years ago. For me, they will always and forever be just plain old Rhapsody, the finest Italian Advanced Dunegons & Dragons Power Metal band in the history of the universe. Sure, they're cheesy as hell and the music is utterly ridiculous, but, dude, they totally rock too.

The video itself? A prime example of boring performance-only tripe. Where are the knights, guys? Or the naked demon chicks? Or the time travelling children? Where's the flame and bombast and shitty visual effects that make your other music videos so totally bitchin' rad? Don't tell me you're trying to class up your act with this white cyc video. Of course, at the very end we have a classic Rhapsody moment with the "To Be Continued" title card. We'll see where this goes.

However, the song totally rules. Unlike the video, it still contains all the elements that make Rhapsody so awesome: constant double bass drums, synthesizer solos, guitar solos, battling synth and guitar solos, Fabio Leone's wicked wail. Just too great. If this band doesn't make you want to rock out until your head snaps off, you're not doing it right.

I present to you a whiff of freshly baked cookie-smelling nostalgia for you on this otherwise wholly unremarkable Tuesday. Who doesn't love Pantera?