Dear Jesus,

Please don't let me find out this is a joke. I do so ever hope that it is genuine.

Sincerely,

The Black Laser.

They're at it again! Here's the just-released infomercial for the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. So ripe for making fun of.

"You'll probably get laid"... are you kidding me? Ridiculous.

It costs a buck oh five.

Just watch. If you don't get it, read the book.

I found a link to an article with architectural critiques of children's sofa cushion forts on BoingBoing and it's so damned funny and great I feel compelled to share with all of you. Here are a couple I thought particularly good.

At first glance the composition appears unintentional and the construction shoddy. But further investigation reveals a clear delineation between indoor/outdoor space with a design focus on protection through the use of barrier. Planes are shifted off the orthogonal to accommodate function; as a side effect it relieves inhabitants from a harsh Euclidian geometry. Grade B

Good God gentlemen, you’re a mess! You need walls, you need a roof. Get to work man! Grade: F

I know that it's strongly reminiscent of Maddox's critiques of children's art, but it's definitely more highbrow. And, really, can you ever get enough of insulting children? I don't think so.

Check out both parts for more chuckles here:

Couch Cushion Architecture; A Critical Analysis

Couch Cushion Architecture; A Critical Analysis 2

Your momma's so fat people often complain of her enormous girth on airplanes.

Your momma's so fat she has trouble reaching her toes, which is actually common enough for people of moderate obesity and pregnant women.

Your momma's so fat that her doctor is worried for her health.

Your momma's so ugly that people do not find her attractive and, really, it's only due to alcohol that you're here at all.

Your momma's so lazy that her work regularly goes unfinished.

Your momma's so fat she suffers from congestive heart disease.

Your momma's so mean that people do not like to be around her very much and few will call on her birthday.

Your momma's so cruel that she's been put on trial for neglect.

Your momma's so peaceful that people often compare her to The Buddha.

Your momma's so stupid that she has trouble doing the rudimentary math that her job at the grocery store requires.

Your momma's so smelly that people politely try to recommend that she shower more often.

Your momma's so stupid that she made a mistake on her taxes and was audited by the IRS.

Your momma's so ugly that she has terrible self-esteem issues.

Your momma's so fat that she can no longer get out of bed, instead relying on you to bring her food and bathe her.

Your momma's so old that you had her placed in a home where she could be cared for properly.

Your momma's so old that she remembers when her father returned from World War II.

Your momma's so old that she regrets squandering her youth and is very bitter because of it.

Your momma's so fat that when she walks down the street young children will point and then be hushed by their mothers so your momma doesn't get offended.

I feel like The Onion wrote this article just for me. I think this passage will illustrate what I'm mean.

Although the Department of Evil has not yet announced the exact timetable for the death of all, it recommends citizens make their peace with doomed relatives and spouses immediately, as the hour of their ending draws ever nigh and will be upon them as soon as the necessary funding has been authorized by the House Appropriations Committee.

"This budget approval is merely a pitiful, niggling formality, for soon we'll be free to swarm across the land draining the life-pus out of all you quivering mortal worms," Reynolds said. "Doubt us not: Come the wintertide, you all shall die, and die you will. Sorry, I meant 'must.' Die you must!"

Really though, you should just head on over to The Onion and read the damn article. Then come back and tell me what you think. It's easily the funniest thing I've read on The Onion all day.

The lead in on this video is moderately funny, but it really breaks into "holy shit my face hurts and I can't see through the tears" hilarious territory when it shows the clips from Zach's show "Kids Say The Darn Funniest Things" at 2:48ish. When he packs the lipper? Adult candy. Brilliant.

It's a little dirty how much I love Zach Galifianakis. The Visioneers was amazing. Live at the Purple Onion hurts me it's so good. Everything he does with Tim & Eric is awesome. God damn. Just stop. I have work to do and he is distracting me from it by being hilarious. And then writing about it here. Oh.

Coffee Talk with Cobra Commander has been making me laugh for days. COBRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!!!!

Here are a few good ones.

Check the site for more.

Also, because Protest The Hero slays, you should see this video.

And the original.