I’ve posted about the proper way to eat a watermelon before, so I figured I’d share this video with you all of a man teaching you how to eat a watermelon. Did you know that one serving of watermelon is half the fucking melon? Neither did I! Seems like a tad too much, call me loco. And isn’t it just so helpful when he shows us what a fork looks like? I know. What a sweetheart!

Watch out for the fork cartel! Perpendicular! Eastern sector! 1 15/16″ diameter! Very good watermelon! Debating whether you can complete something that is partial! Marshmallows! Archemides’ principal of watermelons! The sudden realization he thinks he’s talking to children! Peanut butter! If it’s salty peanut butter! Chocolate milk!

Man, this is the most charmingly pedantic watermelon video ever. You really need to watch it. I do have one question though…

Where’s the twang of salt? Oh. Wait. He totally addresses that.

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