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Day: March 15, 2012

The curious case of Youtube videos

“About a few minutes ago.”

We all love Youtube. It’s a great place to find new music, to entertain yourself for hours with stupid minutes-long videos, to watch music videos, to watch movie trailers, to watch bits of TV shows, to watch videos of people hurting themselves, to watch videos of reporters fucking up the news, to watch Bill O’Reilly be an asshole in a million ways, to watch so many things all the time. It’s a wonderful place filled with wonder and mystery and terror.

Wait. Terror? What terror?

The kind of terror you see above.

I cannot fathom what brings people to post videos online like those I’ve posted above for you. Why on Earth would you post an unfocused, poorly shot, poorly conceived ramble on the internet? It makes no sense! “But, Joe,” you say, “you post unfocused, poorly shot, poorly conceived rants on The Black Laser all the time!” To that I say, I do not. My rants are focused, sharp as a tack, and brilliantly designed. But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about the mindset.

At what point did cubsrule2040 decide that he wanted to post nearly 2000 videos on Youtube? His content ranges from elevator rides to overviews of his fast food floor dinners to poorly animated logos. Why does he post all these? What inspires him to video himself riding an elevator and then share it with the entire world? Especially when he makes mistakes sometimes? I would never put something online where I’d made a mistake. That’s what reshooting and editing are for.

And, what exactly possessed SenxOfFemur to post his thunderstorm review (“why did it record this way?”) when there was, in fact, no thunderstorm to be had? Did it need to go online? Was it something that his willing public (88 views, probably 15 of them mine) was dying to experience with him? The utter failure and collapse of a dream? And why did he not just rotate the video when he was cutting it? WHY DID HE NOT JUST ROTATE THE VIDEO? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

Then there’s DRaymond1987’s nearly 9 minute stream of consciousness ramble about missing his girlfriend, the different timezone she’s in, and his interminable waiting for her. Why shove that vile looking blue ball into his mouth while we are forced to stare at his face? The way it turns his mouth blue? Oh my god! Get a haircut! Of course, he had more than 250 additional videos. And why call us “peeps”? Is this some sort of pet name we’ve all agreed on by being the 6th viewer on some of his videos? In one of his videos, he directs us to his Facebook “fanpage” which he never updates and to his Twitter account. If you’re not already one of his 104 followers, you’re missing such brilliant tweets as “Bitches are funny though” and “ROFLCOPTER, my battery gonna die.” and “Somebody help me LMAO”.

Maybe I’m being hypercritical, but come on. I started this blog to have a place to post various creative things I was doing, and, sure, yes, I am also a compulsive oversharer like these guys. But I do it with an eye on quality and a focus on continually improving my skills. I am not sure that cubsrule2040 has any interest, more than 1900 videos later, of improving his filmmaking skills as he posts 9 videos in a row of different coins. Why do something so consistently, so determinedly, so regularly, for no one, if you’re not trying to get better at something? Practice makes perfect, they say, but not if you’re not giving a second thought to the product you’re putting out. I guess, besides the strange mania of posting videos for no one, the thing that I understand the least is why they continue to put out complete garbage video after video after video.

If any of you three guys find this and want to chime in, please do. There are comments below. Yet, these three are not the only people posting videos like this. Youtube is full of them. If you’re one of them, tell me about why. If you know of someone else, share with me. I must get to the bottom of this incredibly strange phenomenon. Having a video camera does not mean you should use one. These are perfect examples of why.

Like a colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice

Remember the Dollar Shave Club spot posted previously? Well, here we have an ad (of specious legitimacy) for a brand of Lithuanian mineral water called Vytautas. And boy is it ever a great ad. Even if it isn’t real (it isn’t), it’s great (it is).

Let’s make a list of all the things I like about it.

  • Yelling.
  • Polar bear riding a laser-spewing orca.
  • Birds and fish.
  • Digest bricks, leather jackets, richest cuisine, Icelandic cuisine, and this goat on a boat.
  • Pig & iPad sandwich.
  • 1 milk. 1 banana. 1 jet fighter you knocked from the sky with a crossbow.
  • Electric eel.
  • Freddie Mercury.
  • Time travel.
  • Screaming bunny.
  • Sexy like a tiger in a Bucati powered by liquified thoughts of the universe.
  • Panda gang rape.
  • Give a negative fuck.
  • The description of the taste.
  • Guy riding a buffalo riding an ATV.
  • Colossal space bear squeezing Earth juice.
  • Tractor sex.
  • Boobs or cheese? SMART CHOICE.

Did you get all that? Good. Now watch it again. Love.