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Date: December 14, 2011

This is the single most adorable comment I’ve ever received.

For some reason, I tend to get a lot of hits on a post I wrote in January 2010 about New Old School Death Metal. It’s one of the top hits on google when searching for “New Old School Death Metal”. I guess people dig that. That’s cool. Once in a while I get a comment from someone who has read and they are always really positive or they’ll suggest something I hadn’t thought of. I like those. People are nice.

But today I got this comment.

Isn’t that cute?!

This is my very first (!) hateful comment here on The Black Laser. It feels good, kind of like I arrived. I appreciate what he said, too, and now I have a bunch of new bands to check out which is fun. I don’t know what “morrisound” means, but I immediately thought of Morrissey, which is pretty cool. I love The Smiths, especially when I am feeling sad. I suppose he could have been nicer in his comment, but this is the internet, where anonymous communications turns everyone into the kind of asshole they’d never actually be in real life. Regardless, I guess I am just some metalhead hobbyist who believes that the excessive splitting of metal into subgenres is kind of stupid. Oh well!

Luckily for us, this fellow who goes by the handle “Nietzsche Tzu” provided a link to his Facebook account. That’s pretty neat. Do you want to see what he looks like? Sure you do.

Pretty tough. The hammer is a nice touch. I imagine that there are many nails out there who are very afraid when Mr. Tzu comes for them. Honestly, though, I think I prefer his more sensitive side.

Awwwww. Nice. Now that’s a face you want to talk to when you’re stressed out and feeling down. Unfortunately, his description of himself doesn’t seem to quite back up how sensitive he looks in the photo.

Oh no! Sounds like someone needs to be hugged before he’s ready to hug other people. Let’s look at his favorite activities…

I think maybe he needs to replace one of his two “Fighting”s with at least one “Hugging” and maybe add a “Rage management” to the list. Probably a good idea to knock “Intelligent Critical Debate” off the list, too. We’ve seen his lovely attempt at that. But maybe I’m being a bit of a dick here. I only know what he chose to present in a few brief sentences. Maybe he’s a really nice guy, out there in Austin, Texas. Funny side note, he’s from San Jose, CA which is only about 20 minutes from where I grew up. Wow!

So, thanks for reading, Mr. Tzu. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here at The Black Laser. I work hard to make sure it’s an interesting, lively place for people to visit and maybe see or hear or read something new.

And, for fun, here’s my favorite death metal band.

Bonus points, Mr. Tzu if you can tell me in the comments what I am referencing. Cool!

UPDATE!!!!! \\\\\\\\\\\

After I posted this, Mr. Tzu commented in reply to me on the original post. Awesome!

Here’s how I dealt with it.

Click the image to see the whole thread!

On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist V

Question:

One of my childhood friends makes a very good living. But I am a musician, who sleeps in a sleeping bag on my floor. His bachelor party was in Las Vegas. I couldn’t afford the trip, but he said, “I’ll cover you.” I asked, “Everything?” He said, “Everything.” All told, I spent about $1,400. Before receiving my total, my friend sent me a $500 check and told me not to argue, to take the whole amount. Now what do I do?

You are a musician?! Feeding the corporate pop charts, no doubt! You do no know the true meaning of musicianship until you’ve made a necklace from the skull of your recently-deceased bandmate. That is musicianship. Harmonies are for Christians, and therefore weak trash. Noise is all that matters. I bet you even distribute your music on “CDs” or on the “Internet”. Pathetic worm. The only true way to trade music is on vinyl or cassette tape. You make me sick. You might as well go out and join the legions who work their miserable pathetic lives away in cubicles all across your pathetic capitalist state. I assume you are American because only Americans would have such ridiculous problems.

I have commented on the futility of marriage before, so I will not repeat myself. But, I will ask you this, why would you deign to engage your friend’s pathetic pre-mating ritual when you could not support yourself? Only a fool lives outside his means and you, worm, are a fool. When your “childhood friend” asked you to go to his “bachelor party” (whatever that is), you should have never accepted if you could not manage it on your own. Would my Viking ancestors have sailed across the Atlantic and established colonies in Canada if they could not manage it on their own? Of course not. There was no one else but themselves to rely on. There was no “help”. I would ask the same of your Viking ancestors, but I assume that you are from some inferior stock, Catholic most likely. Disgusting.

I do not know who graces the face of your American blood money, but I am sure that you should be pleased that your friend even gave you the 500 “dollars” he did. Never expect or ask for charity. It is a sign of weakness. You are weak. Now, you have to swallow the 900 “dollar” difference and continue to sleep in your sleeping bag on the floor like some homeless scum in your American mansion while you wait for the ASCAP to send you residual checks for the fetid puke you foist on people as “music”. Oh your life is so hard. You have brought this on yourself.

Furthermore, what is it with you Americans always expecting charity? I recently wrote at a woman who thought she should have her dinner paid for when looking for places to host her foul union with some pathetic male and she felt that she should be given something for nothing. ABSUrd. You are the same as she. Spend a winter in a shed in the wastes of northern Norway and tell me about hardship sometime.

Choke on vomit.

Soundtrack: Arckanum’s Helvitismykr

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