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Day: December 7, 2011

Ihsahn live in Tokyo like 3 days ago.

Do you love black metal? Do you love hour long free concerts recorded in surprisingly good quality? Of course you do! Who doesn’t?!

Then you are going to love this record of a recent (as in, December 5th, 2011) concert by Ihsahn of obvious Emperor fame in Tokyo. That’s in Japan. Holy shit. It is so awesome. You should watch it.

Howie Mandel’s “Watusi”

This morning Jesse texted me.

Have you seen the Howie Mandel Watusi video? I thought of you…

I replied.

E-mail it to me.

He e-mailed me the link.

I replied.

I have never seen that before, but it might have changed my life. For the worse.

He replied.

Yeah, right?
It’s amazing- I hate it so much – yet it also predates Tim & Eric and reminds me so much of their aesthetic and what they mock and love – but it has no irony – but then that makes it more real – but the real is a bad – but I hate it – I can’t stop watching it – I love it – I hate Howie Mandel – but I understand myself better – but I don’t like what I now know.

I finished the chain off with this message.

You are getting Black Lasered in about 6 minutes.

I present this here for you all so that you understand what it is I am working with. There are definitely bright points, this being one of them.

On the Advice of Torgeir, The Black Metal Extremist IV

Question:

A friend fell in love with a cowboy through the Internet. They shared their hopes and dreams, and even discussed marriage and a baby — though my friend is in her 50s, and they’d never met. She planned to move to his state to live with him. She flew there, they connected for a few days, then he broke up with her. Now she is devastated, and telling her story to anyone who’ll listen. She sounds nuts, and I want to protect her. May I tell her to stop?

You must not just tell her to stop, you must force her to stop. Bind her, gag her, throw her into a lake, do anything you must to make her stop forcing her pathetic tales of broken-hearted misery on undeserving people. There is nothing more vile than someone unloading their heartbreak onto other people. How dare she inflict her misery upon someone else! Does she not understand that people do not care about her sadness!? Hopes!? Pfah! Dreams?! PFAH! These are the illusions of a weak mind. She allowed herself to be weak, to be seduced, and now she is paying for it. By all means, by fire and ice, by wolf and crow, shut her up or I will leave my shed in the woods and do it for you.

We do not have “cowboys” in Norway, but my understanding of their slack-jawed cattle wranglers is that they are not often indoors, much less on the internet. How did this feeble-minded friend of yours meet this “cowboy” on the internet if cowboys do not have or know how to use computers? She got what she deserved from following her “heart” straight into the arms of the deceiver. Actually, you know what? I like this liar cowboy. He has done Darkness’s work by breaking your foolish friend’s lovesick heart. He should be crowned champion and be allowed to break more hearts and more hearts and more hearts.

I have no experience with heartbrokenness. I was born into this world with a soul full of mist and have never felt anything but bleakness and the cold frost of Norwegian winters. I know only the call of the raven and the smell of smoke. Allowing yourself to feel for someone else is a sign of weakness. And for your “friend” to be so presumptuous that she thinks we will care when her weakness is revealed and exploited by the obviously more powerful “cowboy” only leads me to believe that she should be put out of her (and our) misery.

Kill your friend.

Soundtrack: Celeste’s “Misanthrope(s)”

Also posted at:

Ode on The Dude Sleeping Face Down On the Subway Bench

This morning I was inspired to write a poem after seeing a man sleeping face down on a subway bench. Here it is.

O! Dude sleeping face down on the subway bench
How do you stay asleep with passing trains?
They are so very very loud.
I wonder what sort of despair brought you to this place
Where face down on a subway bench is an ideal spot to sleep

Thank you, thank you. I think this is deserving of a new Writing subcategory.