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Day: March 11, 2011

Salad: Fucking Your Mouth With A Knife Since The Beginning of Agriculture.

Over the last couple months, my friend Lindsey and I have been coming up with taglines for salad, a meal we both find wholly dissatisfying. It all began one afternoon when she was complaining about her lunch of salad and came up with “salad. never satisfying,” to which I countered, “Salad. Meh.” Some other favorites have included, “Salad. Tossing it is the only enjoyable part” (her), “Salad. Abandon all hope ye who enter here” (me), “Salad. It doesnt count if you put fried chicken, bacon and ranch on it and claim to have a satisfying salad” (her), “Salad: The food equivalent of a Ke$ha song” (me), and so on and so forth.

You get the idea. We must have at least a hundred million billion of them at this point.

During my internet travels, I stumbled across a posting on The Hairpin which was entirely women eating salad and laughing. What the fuck. Upon sending it to her, I started giving each photo a tagline and they made me laugh enough that I wanted to share with you.

1. Salad: Cucumbers Help Me Shit.

2. Salad: Makes My Period White Like My Clothes.

3. Salad: Only Water For Me Because I'm a Mean Drunk.

4. Salad: Only Fruit for Black People? Racist As Fuck.

5. Salad: I Hate Myself.

6. Salad: There Aren't Leaves Where I Come From In The Middle East.

7. Salad: What The Fuck Are These Red Things?

8. Salad: This Is The Face I Made When My Parents Were Killed.

9. Salad: I Lie To Myself That I Enjoy It.

10. Salad: Surprise! Your Lunch FUCKING SUCKS.

11. Salad: As Bland And Unfulfilling As The Rest Of My Miserable Life.

12. Salad: Fuck Me, This Shit Sucks.

13. Salad: Feels Like Broken Glass In My Guts.

14. Salad: You'll Never Actually Eat It By The Ocean.

15. Salad: Tastes Like The Bird Shit I'm Pretty Sure Just Dropped In It.

16. Salad: Iceberg? Are You Fucking Kidding Me? Could It Be Any Worse?

Fuck you, salad.

First Exit To Brooklyn

My friend Erik recently started a new music blog called First Exit to Brooklyn where he posts a song a day 5 days a week to share his love for music with friends and strangers alike. Here’s what he has to say about it.

i’ve loved music for as long as I can remember…so many memories associated with sitting in the back of my parents car, 70’s fm radio playing, my transistor radio, buying a new 45 rpm, watching mtv, going to shows, exchanging mix tapes, going out to bars or clubs, on to mix cds, and currently enjoyed with my mp3 player on random. there’s something about the single; be it popular with the masses, a college radio hit or a deep track. a lot of the appeal, to me, has to do with not knowing what’s coming next. don’t get me wrong, i love to listen to albums straight through as well, but i tend to do that when i am more focused in, and can give the experience more of my attention. it’s just simpler with a single, i can multi-task and still enjoy the music. it can be the hook, the beat, the riff, the baseline, or the chorus, in most cases it’s the combination of all of them coming together that reels me in. over the course of my life, i’ve come to love many songs in many different genres. some of them i’ve enjoyed since i was a child, some were around during my teen years, so many of my memories involve music and I still look forward to discovering music (new and old) every day. that is what I would like to share here…my love for these songs.

Go check it out and listen to some tunes and be inspired. If you’re a Tumblr user (and who isn’t these days?) follow the dude.