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Day: April 22, 2010

Brain Drill’s “Beyond Bludgeoned”

Yes. Fucking Brain Drill slays. This track is everything absurd I love about Death Metal.

The video itself? Utterly forgettable. But so what? Not every video made for 15 dollars can be mind-blowing. This right here rocks so hard I might throw up from how hard I’m throwing the claw right now.

A voice from outer space.

This video shows a high speed train concept developed by some Chinese engineers which is all fine and good, but, really, who cares? The real point of this video is the amazing outer space voice of the female announcer. What the hell is this shit about? I’ve heard Chinese spoken plenty of times in my life, but this is wild. And the reverb? Why?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

KHAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, I love you all so much.

To all my lovely readers, I just wanted to write to tell you that I love you. Thank you for reading The Black Laser. It means a lot to me that you spend your valuable time reading and enjoying the sometimes/sometimes-not nonsense I post here. I’m not the most clever man, nor do I have the most insightful thoughts, but I hope that I can provide a smidgeon of entertainment for you or a break from work or maybe even a new sweet band you’ve never heard. Even better, my readership has soared over the past few months.

Let’s look, shall we?!

This is a map of my monthly hits over the lifetime of The Black Laser. On the left there you can see where I started the site in November of 2008 (it’s been so long!) and where we are now on April 22, 2010. You can see the little numbers on the Y axis, but how about a little reference for you?

These are The Black Laser’s two slowest months on record at a paltry 509 hits in February, 2009 and 520 hits in September, 2009. Pathetic. You’ll notice that these dips on the graph don’t really dip so much for the period between November, 2008 and January, 2010.

January, 2010 was about on par with my previous highest traffic month of April, 2009. Then, as you can see, something changed.

My hits nearly double. Wild! Where’s all this new traffic from? Have I made a bunch of new friends? Do people like it more when I post random crap instead of stories? Heartbreaking? Who are all you people visiting The Black Laser? I want to know! Why aren’t you commenting? I love you!

Here’s where we are now with 9 days left in April at pretty much the same level of traffic experienced in both February AND March. Unless the world explodes, we’ll probably break 2000 hits for the month which is pretty fucking amazing for a blog by me that doesn’t advertise anywhere nor have any specific purpose or goal. I just post things I like and I guess you guys like the things I like and that makes me super happy. My ego swells.

Of course, for a site like Gawker or whatever—for whom, incidentally, my friend Megan writes—this level of traffic is like a dust mote in the eye of the Kraken. But I’m just….*counts*…. one man. One man with one snarky fucked up attitude and the desire to share with friends, enemies, and strangers on this wild, wooly thing we call the internets. So, readers, thank you. I appreciate you all. It also helps me know that if I ever do decide to put ads on The Black Laser (I won’t) that I could make some ok extra cash off it. Sweet!

In appreciation, here’s a killer photo of a bald eagle eating a crow that I found on Fucking Delicious. Enjoy!