Dear Ke$ha,

Two things.

1 – I’m having a hard time typing Ke$ha for some reason, so from here on out it’ll just be Kesha.

2 – I liked you better when you were called Uffie. Oh zing! See what I just did there?

Sincerely,

The Black Laser.

PS – I’d like to stop hearing this song everywhere. If you could do something about that and then get back to me, I would appreciate it.