Today I am 31 years old. To celebrate, let’s review something that happened on my 12th birthday: OJ Simpson fleeing the LAPD in his white Ford Bronco after killing his wife.*
*Guys, spoiler alert, he did it.
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While in Maryland over Memorial Day*, Sarah, Hannah, and I shot a quick and dirty little video. Friday, while hiding from the rain and completely bailing on the first day of this year’s Governor’s Ball (OH NO WE MISSED KINGS OF LEON BARF), I decided it was a good time to throw it together. Nine hours later, the video above was birthed into the world.
You know, these things are funny. I always think to myself, Oh no, this is going to take like an hour tops, but then I am such a perfectionist I end up spending an entire day tweaking and noodling and getting everything just right. I guess that is better than putting shitty, unfinished work out into the world.
Anyway, enjoy! And laugh. And, if you don’t laugh, FAKE IT AND LAUGH ANYWAY.
*Note: I’ve finally hammered down in my brain which is Memorial Day and which is Labor Day. Good for me!
Today while clicking around the internet, I found a site called 100 Improvements to the New York City Subway. I read through it (and you should too) and I agree with some of his ideas (solar panels on outdoor stations, train positions, and notifications on platforms, among others). Of course, some of his ideas are stupid or impractical or both (Subway USB power, I’m looking at you), but what are you going to do, right?
It got me thinking of how I would improve the subway experience. And I think I have some pretty good ideas.
- Arrest the panflute guy. – Honestly, does it got more annoying than the fucking panflute guy? He’s so fucking earnest. When they arrest him, they should smash his panflute and break his fingers so he cannot make another one.
- Publicly shame any dude who sits with his legs spread wide open on a subway car. – We get it, asshole. You have huge balls and have to keep your legs spread wide open so your balls have a seat of their own. But guess what? Your balls aren’t that big. Close your legs. If someone is caught doing this, the MTA should post embarrassing photos of them all over the train so they get their egos deflated. In the off chance your balls ARE that huge go to a god damned doctor already.
- Record the “meaningful” conversations of people on the L train. – And then send the tapes to them when they are A) sober or B) over 30. Not as publicly embarrassing as the balls-guys, but potentially more life-crushing.
- Ban paint buckets. – No one ever went into a crowded subway station and thought, You know what would be super pleasant right now? Some shit head playing drums on a bunch of buckets REALLY LOUDLY. Stop it.
- Install anti-dance devices. – Your show sucks, kid.
- Take away Ralphie’s newpapers. – Any longtime L rider will recognize Ralphie, the son of a bitch who’s “just trying to sell newspapers to get back on his feet”. Well, he’s been trying to get back on his feet the exact same way for at least 10 years and he hasn’t seemed to have made any real progress. We see through your elaborate ruse, Ralphie. No one is convinced. Give it a rest, you miserable junkie fuck.
- Kick out the stress test Scientologists. – Yeah, I am stressed out and you trying to foist your hokey pseudo-religion/cult on me isn’t helping. Ditto for all the other religious panhandlers in the subway tunnels.
- Pay the saxophone alien guy a million dollars. – Sorry. I love that guy. What a brilliant asshole.
There are a few ideas. What do you think could help improve the subway experience?
The best t-shirt for a competitive athlete ever. Amazing.
As much as I enjoy watching Mikko Salo destroy his competition WODs (really, a lot, I’ve seen so many), this kind of story is what keeps me going back to and endorsing Crossfit. Sure, there are some douchey people in the community and there are some aspects of it that aren’t perfect, but, in the end, the community is strong and the positives far outweigh the negatives.
This lady is tough as nails. An inspiration to anyone.
This video is amazing. That’s all.
I don’t understand why it is so hard to find a decent quality version of this video online and why it’s nearly impossible to find the original track on Spotify. It is pretty awesome and definitely one of the best things Thomas Bengalter has put out, the majority of Daft Punk’s work included. I have very fond memories of this song in the late 90s. Doesn’t it make you want to dance? And I mean DANCE??
